Desperately need advise...dating a newly separated man.

[AmySenra]

I should start from the beginning and be honest. I started dated this guy about two years ago. It all started at work. We use to just flirt in the office and go out for drinks afterwards. I knew he was married and told myself this is just for fun. I was also in the middle of planning my own wedding to my long time boyfriend ( I know this is bad). He was the safe type, this new guy is fun and adventurous. So needless to say I did have an affair with the man I work with. I should also mention he is twice my age. I'll speed up the story just a bit...I got married (still having the affair), got divorced and he left his wife.

Now a year after our relationship started, were living together. You would think ''So what's the problem''. The problem is that I still feel like the other women, his dirty little secret and I feel hidden. I have introduced him to my family and he cant even tell people that he has a girlfriend. He has been separated for a year now, but his marriage as he tells it has been over for the past ten years. I want to build something with him and be a part of his life but he keeps telling me to give it more time. I just want him to show me that things will change. Maybe he thought that leaving his wife would be enough, but its not. I don't feel like its asking to much to be apart of his life and to be included. I ask him things that any other women in my situation would, Like when are you getting the divorce. His answer is when she brings it up. I wont even tell you how painful it has been the past year. We have good weeks and bad ones! He is a great guy and it shows that he loves me, but its not easy dating someone that has just separated. I knew it would be hard, so I am sticking by him and am very patient. Sometimes he has things to do with his family, like birthdays, dinners and the big one Christmas and so on. I can't be invited to any of that. Why, If you say you love me??? He has a son and a daughter, both around my age. His son is about to have a child of his own. His family keeps growing and I would like to be a part of that. I know he does not want any more kids of his own so I have accepted that, but then don't shut me out of this experience. I could go on and on but my tears are flowing all over my key board...

My patients is wearing thin and my hart is slowly breaking. My question is should I stay with the man I still truly love and have sacrifice as well for and continue to be hidden in the shadows or should I tell him to change the situation or I will leave. Please help me!

[vashti]

You will never be welcomed in to this man's family as an equal. His children won't want anything to do with you, nor do I blame them. You met this man under very unsavory conditions, and you will never be able to manage getting anyone else to view this as a respectable relationship. Combine that with the fact that he doesn't even WANT to divorce his wife, and I would say you are screwed.

Move on to something that begins with more dignity.

[AmySenra]

Wow, that was very direct to say the least. But as much as it hurts to hear, your absolutely right. I think I needed to hear that. I mean who am I to his family. But just for a second lets think about him, what type of relationship can he ever have with anyone if he does not change things? And what should I do now, abandon him after he made such a drastic move...

[girl68]

He has a son and a daughter, both around my age. His son is about to have a child of his own. His family keeps growing and I would like to be a part of that.

His children are your age? I think it's silly you should even think they'd want to meet you much less get to know you as daddy's new girlfriend. My mom once brought a younger man around. Guess what happened? My brother moved out he was much too young to move out. Me and my brother absolutely despised him for no other reason than we thought he broke my mom and dad up and he was my brothers age. Not cool.

[AmySenra]

I'm sorry to hear about your parents. But your mom is also just a women and doesn't she deserve to be happy even if your don't approve of the person she chooses? Your parents are entitled to have a life and if they no longer make each other happy, what are they to do? Stay together just because they have kids.

[vashti]

His children are your age? I think it's silly you should even think they'd want to meet you much less get to know you as daddy's new girlfriend. My mom once brought a younger man around. Guess what happened? My brother moved out he was much too young to move out. Me and my brother absolutely despised him for no other reason than we thought he broke my mom and dad up and he was my brothers age. Not cool.

That's absolutely disgusting. Shame on your mom for not having more sense, and for not choosing your brother over some silly kid.

[girl68]

I'm sorry to hear about your parents. But your mom is also just a women and doesn't she deserve to be happy even if your don't approve of the person she chooses? Your parents are entitled to have a life and if they no longer make each other happy, what are they to do? Stay together just because they have kids.

Oh she should be happy. But when you have kids they need to be taken into consideration for EVERYTHING. Even picking partners.

[girl68]

That's absolutely disgusting. Shame on your mom for not having more sense, and for not choosing your brother over some silly kid.

There's a lot more to the story than just that. He was already 'living' with my dad becasuse he and mother didn't get along. This was just the cherry on top. And on her account, it was a sucessful relationship though not resulting in marriage it was a relationship lasting 10 years.

Either way my point is we never liked him, there were times we tolerated the situation but overall there was just a general hate for him. I agree with Vash you will never, ever be welcomed by his family.

[AmySenra]

So I guess the bottom line is...Leave or except the situation.