What's this thing all about?

[weirdy]

We met at work. Became friends, mutual respect (professional, personal).

At the beginning, we had a great time together. Talked for hours on the phone on a daily basis (almost), and it was never boring. He said he feels like I know him, that he trusts me and can tell me everything. Also, He said that it seems like I've built a wall around myself (I don't think I'm that much reserved; just don't like to talk about my intimate life to people I don't know that well).


His story: married for 7 years, now divorced, but still talks about his wife in present tense. He sees her and their kid every day. He told me how much he believed in 'perfect love', he was in a relationship with this woman since high school..and everything was great, but, in time, the chemistry was gone and now they're great friends.

He still wants to believe in this 'perfection', but at the same time, he "doesn't know what he wants".. He also told me about three women he hooked up with after the divorce (two of them were "just for fun" and he isn't proud of it, and the third was more serious, but he dumped her in the worst possible way (long story) since she was putting too much pressure (moving in, telling him that she's bothered by the fact he has a kid and an ex wife..).

During our phone conversations and when we were seeing each other (lunch breaks at work), I felt this chemistry between us, and he did tried sth.. But it wasn't obvious enough, like he wasn't sure how will I react.. Or he wasn't sure in his own intentions.. It was like he was just joking around, saying some cheesy stuff from time to time, so I ignored it.

The same day he told me the story about that third girl, he said that he believes in absolute sincerity- that partners should tell each other everything, every single detail of their lives, no matter what. I told him that I disagree, that I think that both parties should keep something to themselves, because otherwise, their identities will merge, energy exchange will be gone, as well as the relationship itself.

After that, he stopped calling me. And when I called him, he sounded polite, but distant, somehow cold.

When we saw each other at the job, everything was fine; we spent three hours together, talking, having a great time... He is still telling me how smart and talented I am, and from our past conversations, I've realized that that's the type of women he's attracted too..

..And now I don't know what to think anymore. Any ideas?

[Gigabitch]

Well, he told you himself that he doesn't know what he wants. Do you think it's possible that your comment about holding things back made him realize that you're not his "perfect mate"?

A guy who was married for years and still retains a strong belief in perfection is possibly mentally unsound. It does sound like he's changed in his approach to you, but if he's knocked you out of the running because of your completely realistic approach to relationships, I think you might want to consider yourself lucky.

[weirdy]

Gigabitch, thanks for reply (:

..Do you think it's possible that your comment about holding things back made him realize that you're not his "perfect mate"?

Well, yes, that was exactly what I thought at first.

A guy who was married for years and still retains a strong belief in perfection is possibly mentally unsound.

He is a bit unstable... Have I mentioned that he's an antidepressant addict? :s

It does sound like he's changed in his approach to you, but if he's knocked you out of the running because of your completely realistic approach to relationships, I think you might want to consider yourself lucky.

So you think that my approach is realistic, and that there's nothing wrong with it?
If that's the case, I'm glad, because, for some strange reason, I started questioning myself.. if I'm maybe too negative about these things... I thought that, maybe, he got the impression that I'm not a sincere person, and I felt bad. So, the next time we spoked, I told him that that's not the case, and how much I hate talking superficially about a complex subject, which can only lead to dramatic statements (such as "I don't believe in absolute honesty", etc).. And he told me that he likes being superficial actually, and that my statement did sounded like I'm a dishonest person. But, he allegedly thinks that there's nothing wrong with a little lying now and then..
The guy is so confusing. No wonder he doesn't know what he wants.