ex affecting new relationship

[pardus]

Last year, the first boyfriend I'd ever cared for...and possibly loved, ditched me abruptly, cruelly and gave no reason for the break-up. On Tuesday we were making plans to move in with each other...on Wednesday he didn't want anything to do with me/wouldn't talk to me/wouldn't even look at me. I left and I haven't seen him since. I changed my number to ensure he couldn't call me.

About four months later I was feeling over him, I felt strong, independent and energetic again. At this time I met a new guy..... who is just incredible. He is absolutely brilliant.

However, I have noticed a pattern in my behaviour. It is as if I have become paranoid of a seemingly-perfect relationship going up in smoke over-night. As long as we are together and things are going well, I go on an emotional high. But the second I get the slightest hint that my new guy has suddenly lost interest in me, I feel ill. It feels as though my throat has been cut and I generally feel down. It ALWAYS turns out to be wrong-he cares for me so much, is head-over-heels and has declared love for me; he thinks I am "amazing". I don't let him know how upset I get when I become suspicious in-case I push him away.

The fear/expectation of it suddenly going downhill could quite possibly MAKE my relationship go downhill. Is there anything I can do to end this paranoia????

Any advice offered will be greatly appreciated...

Di.

[al407]

Di... I think we all can empathize in one way or another, particularly if there is a history of having been screwed. I am looking forward to how others respond. I am still with the same guy who screwed me over once, but we have mutually chosen to try and work things out. As you have said, the second you get the slightest hint that your new guy has suddenly lost interest in you, you get ill... I hear you. It is a loss of security (sounds better than insecurity) that is realtively justified because, in fact, you (and I...and many others out there) have been screwed by another. Who wants to put their hand to the stove twice? Rebuiding that security is something we have to figure out on our own. Ultimately, learn to trust your gut instincts. Reach out to friends and loved ones and see what others on this site have to say. Good luck! You're not alone.

[valueprep]

Yes, this is a new relationship and treat it as such. Your past must be buried at the landfill in your mind and burned for what it's worth. Lessons.....losing someone like that, I guess you could say, is a lesson but what, people are unpredictable? This we can get from merely driving down the road. So I do not see it as a lesson you can learn anything from, furthermore, as abrupt as it was, it is something that just happened and moving forward should be your objective. Curve balls are always going to be pitched to you throughout your life.....it is a unfortunate fact. However, give the relationship you are currently in the respect and benefit it deserves and let the past be the past. I have written a helpful article some time ago on your past and future [url]http://valueprep.com/past-future.html[/url], if you want you can read it here. I hope that you can come to some peace with this new love and move on.

Regards,
Brian Maloney, site owner of valueprep.com
[url]http://valueprep.com[/url]