Confused whether to move on or wait..

[brutus1987]

I am in a situation where i really like this girl because she's simple,down to earth,humorous is grateful for whatever things i do for her.
We've grown to become close friends and i've been told by her that i'm of of her good rare guy friends.

Here's the tricky part,i like her.I decided to tell her not long ago that i liked her and she replied that she sensed it but was not ready for a relationship just yet,since she broke up with her boyfriend in december last year.

Waiting for her is fine by me,some good things are worth waiting for right?I didn't pursue the matter after and told her that i'll be there as a friend and i will put aside my feelings for her,BUT i'll wait for her.I left the matter at that and didn't want to pester her about it.Give her some space.

This was perhaps 2 or 3 weeks ago.A couple days ago,she told me that she felt bad that she didn't tell me that she was still in contact with her EX.Which is fine by me,i believe that even a couple can break up,they can still remain friends.She told me that she felt that she wasn't good enough for me,which i believe there is another reason behind it.I asked her to tell me the truth,do i have a chance with her and can i wait?To which the reply was no,she liked me as a friend but i should keep my options open.She still has feelings for her ex and her ex is not letting her go.

To me,if i was any more ignorant,i'd have walked straight into a wall.Such a situation spells disaster should i continue to pursue her.So as maturely as i could,i told her,i'm okay with her decision,we'll still be close friends like we always were.Whatever it is,i'll still love her as a friend.After all, i cannot force someone who still has their heart with another person yes?

I'd like to remain friends with her and keep up the friendship,but on the other hand, i like her a lot.I feel that she's that special one.So i'm in a dilemma now,i hate to feel emo,its not me and i try my best to feel otherwise.I have a few options,wait for her,be open to other girls but wait for her at the same time?

Last but not least,i feel like cutting off contact for awhile at least.I'd like to leave her as a person that likes her and come back as a friend.But when i was through some of the forums posts,people have mentioned that it'll take time for them to over come their feelings for their ex and will eventually come to you.I don't know what to do now..

[Cerby]

Brutus, you're smart in the sense you've already come to the correct solution. There are a few simple rules about being friends; you can't be friends with an ex (at least not soon after the breakup) and you can't be friends with someone you have feelings for. The reason is that everything they do will make you jealous, and you won't be able to be a true friend to that person.

You need to simply leave this one alone. I fell for a friend some years ago and ended up ending the friendship to save myself from endless feelings or rejection and heartbreak. I don't regret it and never look back. You already know you need to do this, and this is the right solution. You can't date her, she still has feelings for her ex, and you can't be friends with her because you have feelings for her.

You tell her you still want to be close friends with her, but thats you heart and emotion telling you to hope your still have a chance. And right now, you don't.

Cut ties, move on, meet someone new.

[thrillaveza]

I too was in your situation before. I did what cerby did ^, and cut ties, but sadly the cutting of ties wasn't so immediate. I was an idiot who didn't realize she was never really interested in me as a potential mate rather than just a friend. When I was about to spring the question in asking her out, I found out from a friend that she had been dating someone ( need I mention that she claimed to her friend that she was going to tell me but never did). And yeah I was hurt for the longest time, I felt like shit in the morning, couldn't have proper eating patterns and started doing bad in school. And for some reason in that hurting process I was still acting as if I still had some sort of chance and still acted as if it didn't phase me even though it did. Until one day, in the hurting process, I just stopped talking to her. I erased everything that reminded me of her and pursued my personal goals. Doing so got me on the academic deans list and referred by my music professor as a musician to collaborate with. This lead me to get over the whole situation. The time apart made me realize how stupid I was to not see the signs and so now I can't help but laugh. I eventually re-connected with her (when she messaged me one day) to which I think she knew what I needed to do to be back to my normal self.

You are already steps ahead in knowing what to do. Cut ties, leave yourself occupied to things that make you happy and within no time, you'll be over it.