Guys!!! i need your help BIG TIME!

[slesializm4]

okay. so me and this guy have been pretty good friends for over a year now. (we've always had a bit of a crush on one another.) i didn't have a date for my senior prom and we decide to go together. he is in college right now btw. we hang out at a friend's party one night after not seeing each other for months, and we have sex. after that night we've been "talking" and hanging out. its been at least 2 months now. he had me meet his parents and his close nit group of college buddies. (his mom and dad love me and his friends have adopted me into their group. i'm guessing that's a good thing) so i was hanging out with him in his dorm on sunday night after getting back from a kegger and we were talking and he says he just doesn't want a girlfriend right now. so i gave him his space. he noticed my distance the rest of the night and continued to explain that he was hurt so bad from his first love(and first real relationship) that he just doesn't want to get hurt again, even though he reaalllllyyy likes me and cares about me alot. i used to be friends with his ex so i know everything that happened. this was the first time he's ever felt that way about someone and the first time he's ever been hurt.

okay so now my question... what do i do? i figured i'd just back off a bit and see how it goes. if he doesn't want a girlfriend why should i act like one? and i'm not trying to turn into some booty call, but we like each other alot. i just don't know what i should do. got any advice for me???

[tooxshort]

Don't let yourself become a booty call. While I can see why he's torn about getting into a new relationship, he has to realize that you're a new chapter, if not a whole new book!

That said, if he doesn't want a relationship, then he shouldn't be allowed to receive the "perks" of a relationship (ie. kissing, sex, etc). Otherwise, you will be a call girl, so to speak. Tell him that you understand how he feels, but that you're looking out for yourself too and can't continue a physical, romantic relationship.

It also wouldn't hurt to reassure him that you wouldn't hurt him like his ex did (even though you can't tell the future) ... Sometimes, dudes just like to hear that.

[slesializm4]

well when we had our little talk thats exactly what i did. i told him that not all girls are like her and that i would never do anything to hurt him. i told him that understood how he felt and he didn't need to explain. he told me how sorry he was and that he hates the fact that he's the reason i'm sad and that all he wants to do is make me happy, and i just smiled and told him not to be sorry and that he makes me happy all the time. i figured the reassuring thing would help. i'm going up to his college to visit him tomorrow night. (i'm moving into the dorms in the fall. yeah we'll be going to the same school) i decided not to do anything physical with him and no kissing or hugging unless he made the move first and to just distance myself and have fun with everyone. maybe if he gets a little taste of not having me it will make him appreciate his time with me more... idk. i've just got my fingers crossed :/

[LoveHurts09]

tell him to stop living in the past, ur a totally new girl.. but if u want a proper relationship then he will have to be sure about u as a couple so talk to him and tell him u'll take it slow etc.

but as said above, stop being his "gf" till u have talked this through

[tooxshort]

maybe if he gets a little taste of not having me it will make him appreciate his time with me more... idk. i've just got my fingers crossed :/

That works a lot. But try to stick to your guns ... If you end up partying, then you might end up getting a bit more physical than what you had planned ... good luck though.

[slesializm4]

i was born and raised in vegas. i can party and still control myself. but thanks for the concern.

yeah i think i just need to put my foot down. hopefully that doesn't push him away though.

i'm kinda afraid to even bring it up now. i don't want to kill the good mood of the night. i'm going up there with 2 of my girlfriends and we'll be with his whole group of friends so it will be easier to just be part of the group and not his little love toy.

he's pretty stubborn. when he makes up his mind about something, it usually stays that way.

little tidbit... he used to be the biggest player alive until that one girl. now its like he got a taste of what a real relationship is like. he's a changed man according to all of our mutual friends. i wish there was something i could do or say to change his mind about being with me. i don't want to stop having feelings for him and caring about him, but i think i might have to. i don't want to get attached anymore than i already am if this isn't going to progress further.

i have been hurt pretty bad. every guy i have EVER dated has cheated on me AT LEAST once. i need to watch out for my heart too, but at least i'm trying.

sometimes i wonder why i even bother at the point

thanks so much for the help!

[Gigabitch]

... idk. i've just got my fingers crossed :/

Keep your legs crossed too. I've got a bad feeling about this one. I think you were just a rebound girl. Don't hang all your hopes on this guy.