What can you guys make of my situation? *it's unique i promise*

[HeatSeeker]

So know there are a bunch of "she has a boyfriend and I like her/ love her/ whatever" but I have a unique situation. I have been involved in an affair with this girl for a little over seven months. It started by meeting her at my community college awhile back. We've known each ever since we were younger in high school. We started hanging out more and eventually started working together. I started taking her out to the beach to hang out and to go skim boarding. I knew she had a boyfriend and began asking her why she liked hanging out with me. She said that unlike him, I listened to her, was able to have fun, and expressed the way I felt about things. He on the other hand was like talking to a wall and is very shy. You basically know where I'm going with this. She liked me more as boyfriend material than she did her actual boyfriend it seemed. The only thing she could come up with in his favor was that he cares, he tries, and that he is nice. Anyways, we ended up hooking up and it continued that way for seven months. Our feelings for each other started getting heavy and she began to feel more and more guilty and I came off as wanting to know what was going to happen next. I straight up asked her why she wouldn't leave him for me and she ended up saying because she loved him first and that she wasn't giving the relationship with him 100 percent. So we stopped talking and I basically lost my best friend and lover. It sucks because I know over the 7 months that I made her more happy than her dude did in the 4 years that they were together. Though, this is the most important part. She came from an abusive family when she was younger and managed to get out as a nice and genuine girl but landed herself in this guy's parent's house. She's twenty, and he's 24 still living with his parents racing cars as a passion. She on the other hand doesn't have any family to go to, basically relies on this guy's family, doesn't have to pay rent, was given a car to drive to work with, loves his family, and basically has what she didn't have as a child. Though, she has a boyfriend, whom doesn't even seem to make her happy. I think the reason she won't leave the guy she's with is because of the family she's involved with now and not so much the guy she's with. I love the girl, I really do. She told her dude that she was cheating on him for the last 7 months and it sounds like he's going to forgive her for it. I don't know yet for certain but I know he's never had a girlfriend before her, never had sex, never kissed another girl. I don't know whether she feels sorry for the guy or because she loves the family. Anyways, I wanted to see what you guys thought about my situation which i find is kind of unique. I've let her go for now, seeing other people, but I still miss her, and I hope they break up.

[Raze]

You are doing right thing by moving on. You don't want to mess with a relationship because you will end up in a bad situation.

[HeatSeeker]

what kind of a bad situation do you mean? i've never been in something like this before. i'm hoping that she will leave him because she realizes that she was happier with me.

[Gratedwasabi]

what kind of a bad situation do you mean? i've never been in something like this before. i'm hoping that she will leave him because she realizes that she was happier with me.

The one where you're being a scumbag.

She was happier with you? Yet she never left the other guy.. hmmmmmmmmmm... interesting... or could it just be that's what she tells YOU so she can use you for what she wants, then go back to the guy who she actually wants to be her boyfriend?

You're #2. Congrats.

[reeba]

Has she actually said, 'I'm staying with him because I need his family'? Or 'I like you better and would rather be with you''?

Stop putting words in her mouth and assuming. She MADE her choice, and it wasn't you.

Stop trying to break up the serious relationship. How would you feel if some guy actively pursued your live in girl friend, or wife? First the guy doing it is of questionable character. Nice guys don't try to break upserious relationships. Second the guy deserves to have his ass kicked.

[lorrainecook201]

Maybe she is just confused. Give her time and space.

[HeatSeeker]

if they broke up she would be homeless. she says she loves me and sees a future with me, but i don't think she can admit that, yes, she needs the family. i'm just wondering what might happen next. i'm not putting on my life on hold for her, but lorrainecook your probably right, time and space is needed.

[HeatSeeker]

and i know i could probably use an ass wooping, but to be honest, i was kinda bummed that he didn't want to come after me when she said she told him. she said he was just quite with no emotion like it didn't bother him. makes me wonder if she even told him lol... i was told to move mountains for a girl if i find one i truly love.

[Gratedwasabi]

if they broke up she would be homeless. she says she loves me and sees a future with me, but i don't think she can admit that, yes, she needs the family. i'm just wondering what might happen next. i'm not putting on my life on hold for her, but lorrainecook your probably right, time and space is needed.

Sure she would, buddy, sure she would.

Whatever helps you deal with being her backup guy (aka the guy she DOESN'T want to be her boyfriend) and a generally bad person for cheating. Why would he come after you? He's Alpha, you're omega. You're just enjoying his sloppy seconds. How dem leftovers?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Okay GW, you went overboard to the point that it's working against you now.

Heatseeker, I've been in your exact situation before, and she's now marrying the dude. This was a few years ago, and I thought if I stuck around I'd really have a chance. I was friends with this girl for years, then we started hooking up behind her boyfriends back. We said we loved each other, but their families were already very intertwined and she was moving to boot. It last about the same amount of time as your fling did too. Anyway, point is, it's not going to happen. You were an escape, as was I. Drop it, move on, and someday you can look back at it as a fun fling with a great girl, like I do.

I will say that it has changed the way I treat women drastically, as much as I don't like to admit it. I kinda do the same thing to them now, get close, build something, ****, leave. I'd like to break the cycle and I'm trying, but it's hard. I suggest finding a better way than I did to deal with it; it's pretty much why I'm here now.

[HeatSeeker]

why would she end up marrying the guy she needed to escape from?

[Wakeup]

I wanted to see what you guys thought about my situation which i find is kind of unique. I've let her go for now, seeing other people, but I still miss her, and I hope they break up.

Honey: Your situation is not "unique" at all. It's what happens in 99.9% of the time when you're someones "dirty little secret."

She's chosen who she wants to be with. I suggest you learn a lesson about settling to be someone's No.2 (interesting that that's what people call human waste) and never find yourself falling vulnerable to someone already in a relationship again.

Look at it this way (it may help you to get over Princess Skankiness quicker). How could you ever trust her if she were to choose you? If she'll do it with you... she'll do it to you.

He offers her love, committment and security. You offered her an ego stroke and the odd orgasm. The orgasm is not her main priority.

Hope you wakeup soon and see this for what it was.. a fling.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I can't answer that question for her, I can only speculate, but the writing is clearly on the wall. She's lived in the same neighborhood forever and this is her brother's best friend she's been dating for 5 years now. Their families spend all holidays together. She is pretty much expected to marry him, and I believe that she does love him. He was with her through and extremely traumatic time as well. I think the distance wore on both of them as well, since she was away at school about 4 hours away, and he became very jealous and controlling, which she didn't help by telling him how much fun me and her had together. He was suspicious long before there was anything going on(like a year before), but I guess it was warranted. Once I'd come to terms with our fling being just that, a fling, I knew she was going to marry him, years before he proposed. That's what she was doing, getting it out. Probably what your girl was doing too. Let it go, and just appreciate it for what it was, time you enjoyed spending together. I will say that I've not had as strong a connection since, but there are others out there that I've seen it in, timing just wasn't right again. Don't get caught up thinking it will ever be more than it already was, and who knows you may get a surprise one day.

[Wakeup]

Okay GW, you went overboard to the point that it's working against you now.

Speak for yourself.. I think he's right. You and Op are delusional or a better term might be in denial.

You're what was once called "home wreckers" who justify their own skankiness with platitudes and excuses. I don't mean to be rough on you but you two are enablers. You enable cheaters to cheat. If enablers didn't exist... infidelity would be exstinct.

[IndiReloaded]

Your mistake was to actually get involved with her. You should have stopped when you saw she was falling for you and told her straight that you aren't the kind of guy to get with a girl who is seeing someone else. That she should call you when she has broken up with this guy.

Unfortunately, now you are 'that kind of guy'. You are a reminder to her of her lack of morals as well. You should have reminded her to be better instead of rolling in the muck together. She will never forget this about you or herself. She might even marry the guy out of guilt. You are screwed. Move on and don't make the same mistake again.