I have great qualities...but feel scared to approach women

[Indigo9]

Hello all, I need female advice on this.

I am 23 and from England. I've never had a girlfriend and there are practical reasons outlined below.

Ever since I was young I was interested in women but I was too shy to make a move. I suffered a lot due to delayed speech but I kept myself in shape, groomed well, had good fashion sense which I seemed to attract a lot of women at college and walking down the mall due to keeping myself healthy but I felt shy to talk and the insecurity of having a speech impediment.

I started uni at 21 and dropped on this september due to lack of motivation for the course. I will have to take a year out and apply to uni to study next year instead of this year since the courses are full up. So at 23, I have nothing to my name and will start uni again at 24 reading computer science hopefully at an IVY-league equivalent uni in the UK. I will graduate with 28 with a integrated masters degree.

SO at 23, I have nothing to my name and will start uni next year and graduate a bit later. I feel shy and scared to go up to women and the everytime I walk in the city centre/mall I always assume that the average 23 year old lady is just about to start a career and why would she want to date me? Since they look to show off their men.

I believe I'm a lovely person, I keep myself in shape, I have good qualiites, I am intelligent but feel anxious to approach a women who may be starting their career, which she may look down on my situation. I'm badly regretting the missed chances when I was 19-20, it hurts.

I need your advice on this please which is very much appreciated.

[boom43]

Confidence is the hardest thing to learn - one of my favourite quotes is “One of the reasons we struggle with insecurity is because we’re comparing our ‘behind the scenes’ with everybody else’s ‘highlight reel.’"

I was tormented in grade school and it scarred me for years. I thought very negatively about myself - I had no confidence and no idea who I was or who I even wanted to be. What really helped me was positive affirmation. Every morning before you leave the house, take a moment to write down something positive about yourself. Take that piece of paper with you throughout the day and read it here and there. When you go to bed, put it in a box with the other compliments you've written for yourself. Once a month open that box and read them all.

It sounds like you are trying to figure out what you want to do with your life and who you are - that's ok... most of us are! Even when we appear to have it all together.

Now, as a woman, here's my advice for talking to women. We like men who know who they are. If you're not there fake it til ya make it. Take what you do know about yourself and build a persona around that. The more you act like that person, the more you will learn about the things that are missing, and the closer you will come to figuring yourself out.

We also like guys who notice what makes us special. I'm sure you've heard the advice, over and over again, "compliment her". Kind of true - but truth be told, it doesn't impress me when a guy opens with "wow, you're [insert reference to my goodlooks here" ... notice what I'm doing or wearing that might give an indication of who I am inside. Ask a question. "I haven't read that book yet - how are you enjoying it?" "Do you shop here often? I'm looking for something for my sister and it looks like you have good taste!" "how long have you been playing soccer/snowboarding/taking yoga... etc" Say you're on the train heading to work and a woman sits near you, look at what she's wearing and make an assumption about where she's headed - if it looks like she's headed to work, comment or make a light joke about the daily grind, if it looks like she's heading out to play a sport ask her about it.

If there is a girl you already know as an acquaintance or friend that you like, ask her to do something together sometime that you know she'll enjoy - don't make it sound date-y, but make sure it's just the two of you. Then comment afterward that it was a lot of fun spending time with her outside the group and maybe you should do it again.