What is the best way to offer sex?

[AnnaB86]

Guys:
I posted this in the main forum but thought this might be helpful, too. Briefly, I am involved in a friendship with a man. We are not interested in dating right now, although we really like each other and there is physical attraction (he's said as much). He is reluctant to do anything/ make any moves, I suspect because he is worried about emotional baggage that may result - both of us just ended long term relationships, and also, I'm moving away soon.

Is it possible for me to express to him somehow that I'd LOVE to get physical, but would not let it get messy emotionally? Basically I want a nice way to say: 'Look, if you're willing to jump in bed with me, no strings attached, I'd love to do it. So let me know.' I'm 100% serious, FYI. I don't want to mess up our friendship, which is why I haven't offered point blank, but I have the suspicion he wants to do it, too, and is just afraid it would get too involved and messy. How can I let him know that I'm not looking for a mess, just for a good time?

[Junket]

Without messing up your friendship?

Fat chance.

[Aeradalia]

The saying 'sex complicates everything' is derived from mountains of experience of countless people over countless years...

Good luck trying to revert back to a time before being 'physically intimate' and drawing out old instincts --- particularly the 'bonding' instincts in females.

[carl1222]

I agree with Frasbee here ... there is a lot of opportunity for a mess to find you even if that's precisely what you are looking to avoid. So what you have here is a substantial risk that a sexual relationship will screw up your friendship.

It's not impossible, just very unlikely. Having sex often changes the feelings you or your partner have for each other. The risk is that one of you and not the other will begin to want a romantic relationship. If that happens, kiss the friendship good bye ... one-sided love causes too much pain.

It CAN work ... I'm living proof of that. But our circumstances were somewhat unusual. We were in law school together and both working at the time so neither of us had time for a romantic relationship. It's a bit hard to explain, but the sexual contact was more an act between friends ... helping each other relieve our horniness ... than a romantic act, so it worked. We decided to use each other ... such as you might "use" a friend to help you with your homework knowing that your friend could "use" you the same way. That's really the only way "friends with benefits" can work.

Carl.

[AnnaB86]

I feel like we are in the perfect position for friends with benefits. IE I am moving away soon, so a relationship is not realistic... also, we've both been single for several months now, and if we were going to get emotionally involved, I think it would have happened by now. It really does seem to be an appreciation for each other/ friendship rather than relationship fodder, which is why I feel like it would work, and I think we both want to. I am just not sure how to bring it up/ offer the suggestion, since you're never exactly sure how the other person feels about it, and if he's not on the same page, I don't want to make him uncomfortable. I think he IS on the same page, and is wondering if I am.

[carl1222]

I feel like we are in the perfect position for friends with benefits. IE I am moving away soon, so a relationship is not realistic... also, we've both been single for several months now, and if we were going to get emotionally involved, I think it would have happened by now. It really does seem to be an appreciation for each other/ friendship rather than relationship fodder, which is why I feel like it would work, and I think we both want to. I am just not sure how to bring it up/ offer the suggestion, since you're never exactly sure how the other person feels about it, and if he's not on the same page, I don't want to make him uncomfortable. I think he IS on the same page, and is wondering if I am.

Hey, you are friends. And if you are sure that the two of you can pull it off ... just look him in the eye and say "Hey Joe ... wanna f**k no strings attached???" Now is the time for directness, not coyness! In my opinion, if you are not friends enough to be just that direct, you are not friends enough for an FWB relationship!

Carl.

[AnnaB86]

That is pretty much what I thought might be the answer! And I do think our friendship can handle that, honestly... just don't know if I can. Am a horrifically shy person. Might have to work up to this one. Thanks for the insight.

[carl1222]

That is pretty much what I thought might be the answer! And I do think our friendship can handle that, honestly... just don't know if I can. Am a horrifically shy person. Might have to work up to this one. Thanks for the insight.

Just have a couple of Jaegers first!

Carl.

[Aeradalia]

Just have a couple of Jaegers first!

Carl.

Or Sambouka if you prefer something sweeter to sneak up on you...

[Cbrider]

Just have a couple of Long Islands and AMF's first!

Carl.

Edited for clarity.

[Lipp]

Just have a couple of chloroform-covered towels first!

Carl.

Edited again for efficiency in carrying out the deed.