How should I handle this situation ladies?

[firewired]

I've posted on this before, but things have changed a little bit. This girl at work started about 6 months ago. We hung out alot outside of work and on the weekends. And we got kind of attached to each other....and i realized i was getting too attached and thinking of it as more than just a friendship. Guys and girls are different this way...and she's married and obviously not thinking of this as more than a friendship. But she acts like I'm her boyfriend....calling me and going out for coffee and coming over and hanging out at my place. But the other day she started yelling at me for some simple little thing and it really made me look at her differently.

I also realized that I needed to distance myself from her and I need to clear out these feelings. So I have done that, and have really not been talking to her this week at all. I went and got coffee myself and when i showed up at work she was really mad that i didn't call/text her to see if she wanted some coffee too. I did it again the next day and she got really mad again.

I said that i just like getting my coffee in the morning and don't want to deliver it to everyone, and she said "Well am I everyone?". And i replied "Yes" and she walked out of my office angry yet again.

Any advice on what to do ladies?

[lovebug22]

I think what you're doing is right. This girl is married. And for some reason she thinks hanging out with a coworker the way she hangs out with you is okay, but it isn't because of the position it puts you in. She's obviously upset with the sudden loss of attention, which brings up a question: where is her husband in all of this? does she ever talk about him? is he okay with her coming over to your place? I think you should be concerned about what this girl's intentions are. She may wind up saying "oh it's nothing, we're just friends", yet her actions show her treating it a little differently. It may be that she's seeking attention from you that she doesn't get in her relationship, which sucks for you because you shouldnt be the guy that picks up the slack! If you want a good relationship, you want to be the guy not her coffee boyfriend. I think you're doing the right thing by distancing yourself. It's better for you because developing feelings for her can be dangerous, and you don't want to be the sleeze that ruins a marriage. And even so, do you really want to date a girl that leaves her man for someone else? Who's to say she wont do the same exact thing to you?

Continue what you're doing, and if she asks what's up, be honest. "You're Married, that's why I decided to cut off our coffee breaks together, and stop hanging out on weekends" But, on the flip side, if you can handle it, and if it isn't too hard on you, maybe you couild keep the coffee breaks (those can still be maintained as professional), but defnitely eliminate the hanging out at your place or going out on weekends. It won't completely cut off your friendship, but it'll allow you to distance yourself from her and possibly find another girl (who is available and interested in you!) on the weekends.

Good luck with everything!

[firewired]

Thank you lovebug22! I start to feel so confused about these things sometimes. It's so nice to hear that you think I'm doing the right thing.

I actually asked her if her husband was ok with us hanging out as much as we did, and she said yeah he's fine with it and knows she has alot of guy friends. He is deployed right now...he's in the air force. So she says he knows, and maybe he does know, but i just feel wierd about it. If that was me, i would totally not be cool with it.

I talked to her on facebook a little bit tonight and it was kind of nice as a friend, but it's just so strange....she's just so over friendly. Maybe it's just her personality too i don't know.

Part of me feels bad though for not talking to her as much, like i'm letting her down as a friend....but then i feel worse when we hang out and i talk to her alot. Such conflicting feelings! I just want to find happiness and inner peace again.....