Girlfreind wants to start over?

[Hopelessheart]

Hi,
I'm a 28 year old male who has been seeing a girl for about 6 months. We considered us to be in a relationship & to be boyfriend/girlfriend. We have not had any serious problems but we moved quickly, probably mostly because of my home situation of taking care of my mom who has MS and is wheelchair bound.

This girl has stuck by me all this time, helping out with my situation greatly (I never once asked for help) & is now telling me she hasn't felt right in quite a few months & feels suffocated & would like space. She said she did not want to break up with me & if she did it might be one of the worst mistakes she ever makes. She told me that while she doesn't want to break up, all she wants to do is not have the responsibility of a relationship & pursue her various projects and careers. This is actually a complete drop off as she never once told me that like she woke up one day and just said to herself, "we're Serious". I must add that she is a free spirited type of person who loves to go out all the time, she has never given me indication that me or my life was an issue.

She said she is still wildly attracted to me physically, emotionally, & one of the best lovers she has ever had. She said she would like to not have a relationship & go back to just dating again, but seeing other people is not something set in stone...I do know for a fact that if I went out with another girl she would be jealous. I'm doing no contact with her now & yesterday was the first time in 6 months that we haven't talked at least once.

Help and advice on this would be great thanks!

[michelle23]

I think she is having major doubts and you should go your separate ways. All or nothing. Dont agree to an open a relationship as it will just get messy and complicated and create 100's of trust issues. Its a waste of time. Find a girl who is ready to take on the responsibility of helping you with your mum

[Hopelessheart]

Thanks for the reply, I know alot of where her doubts come from, it is mostly my home situation...the thing is that she knows I'm a good guy & said the other night that if she lets me go, then it could be the biggest mistake of her life & that she would be lucky if i would even consider dating her again. Her hang up is that she ended a 3 year relationship with a guy & was only single for a month before she met me. She wasn't looking for a relationship but with each time of going out she fell more & more for me, she knew she didn't want to leave me to find anyone else. I am treating this for what it is, a break up & am getting on with my life, I took down everything she has ever given me & the paintings/drawings. It hurts & I wish things were different, but it is not up to me, solely. I'm willing to see where things go but I sadly officially consider myself single

[namemyname]

If you've only been seeing each for 6 months, and she's been feeling suffocated for half that time, I think she's trying to keep you as back burner guy until she springboards to someone else.

You're correct in doing total NC.

Ultimately, if you're with someone you truly love, NOTHING keeps you apart. NOTHING.

Good luck with your Mom...

[smackie9]

She likes everything about you, but she didn't bargain for a BF to be bound with such a responsability. She is thinking in the long term and she realizes this isn't for her. You are best to let her go and find someone that is more of a homebody, that loves to be around family.

This GF of yours just wants to jet, and she is trying to put it to you gently.

[Hopelessheart]

According to her that isn't the problem, I've only been a home oriented person since my roommate moved out 3 months ago & is moving back in so I will be alot more available, also I never stopped her from doing anything or told her she couldn't, I mean everything she did was on her own, I never asked for help...I don't quite understand burnt out because of her actions? I'm letting her go, as much as I don't want to & it hurts because she gave me every indication that she was the one, it's that feeling you get where you just know. I figure if it's meant to be then it will be, but I cannot stop my life for another. We'll see what happens but I'm not holding my breath.

Thanks for all the blunt honesty & warm wishes for my mom! Any other opinions or thoughts, please reply! You ladies are amazing for helping me!

[smackie9]

According to her that isn't the problem, I've only been a home oriented person since my roommate moved out 3 months ago & is moving back in so I will be alot more available, also I never stopped her from doing anything or told her she couldn't, I mean everything she did was on her own, I never asked for help...I don't quite understand burnt out because of her actions? I'm letting her go, as much as I don't want to & it hurts because she gave me every indication that she was the one, it's that feeling you get where you just know. I figure if it's meant to be then it will be, but I cannot stop my life for another. We'll see what happens but I'm not holding my breath.

Thanks for all the blunt honesty & warm wishes for my mom! Any other opinions or thoughts, please reply! You ladies are amazing for helping me!

Well this is probably a rebound relatiosnhip since she didn't get a decent time in to actually heal. One month isn't long enough to really know what you want. Rebound relationships are a way to get over someone without having to feel the pain. She just realized that a serious relatiosnhip isn't what she needs.....

This could be a lesson to you that dating someone so close after a break up isn't such a good idea.

[smackie9]

Yes well wishes are in order for your mom. I hope you can take time out for yourself too. My cousin's husband is wheelchair bound now too (he has MS as well), my heart goes out to your mom, you and your family...I understand that it can be real tough.

[Hopelessheart]

I actually only found out about her past relationship only being a month apart, like a week ago or I actually wouldn't have just jumped in, I had no clue, I only knew she lived with the guy for 3 years. They went out the first two, broke up but still lived together because he had no job or anywhere to go...she eventually told him he had to find somewhere...

It hurts & is lousy but hey it's life, if she wants to talk she knows where I'm at & my number, if not then ill just chalk it up as a good short relationship as we never fought so it actually worked well. Thanks again & I'm actually trying to raise money for stem cell for my mom so everyone can get their life back :-)

[michelle23]

you sound really positive. great healthy attitude. your strong you will be fine. best wishes to your mum i hope everything goes well

[VerticalMoon]

I just think it's unfair of her to leave you hanging like that. On the one hand, she claims breaking up with you could be one of the worst mistakes she ever makes. On the other hand, she's not willing to try to work things out together before giving up on the whole thing. I don't know if she's just being nice with her words, or wants the best of both worlds. But it's like she wants you to wait around for her, but doesn't want to have to make you a priority in her life. You're not in the first few months of dating anymore, and it's impossible to recapture that. If you don't want a relationship that will forever be stuck in a "just dating" phase, then I think breaking up with her is the right thing to do. I wouldn't try to keep seeing each other casually because that's likely to make things worse. Do your best to move on. I hope things improve with your mom.

[Hopelessheart]

I'm positive because I have to be, I've actually been through alot in life, and my #1 priority is making my mom well...if my ex wants to join me in life she will, if she doesn't it will be her loss as I really am a guy who will make the right girl happy...that doesn't mean I'm not hurting badly, i did think that a relationship is not what this girl needs right now, I wish things were different but there is the controllable & uncontrollable, this is out of my hands, but I can try to shape a positive future for myself with or without her. If there is something there she will be back in my life, if not that is ok too

Talking to everyone here helped a bunch! I never thought people I've never met could care, it's an amazing feeling & I only hope I can pass this kind of kindness on!

[Hopelessheart]

Vertical moon, I agree 100% with it not being fair to me, I told her on Sunday that the whole situation is not fair to me, we have had no major issues what so ever, I do not know if it was kind words, how she feels? She told me at one point she thinks she could marry me & be happy (well before all the garbage now). I was told that doing marrying me & having a life with me scares her because she has never felt the way she does about me, despite being engaged before. I told her for her to walk out on me was unfair to me & us...the response was "it's all about you isn't it".

Yes the honeymoon stage of the relationship is done & there is no going back, I would be open to seeing her 2 times a week, but with knowing that we are still in a relationship, I was told that's fine but why can't we just date? I would not be able to have an open relationship as I am a one woman guy. Honestly it's a lousy situation which is why Im cutting myself out of the situation, seeing who is out there, & living my life. If she decides she wants to talk about it then I am willing, if I am single at that point. Just gotta keep positive on everything as it's super confusing & contradicting!

[smackie9]

I actually only found out about her past relationship only being a month apart, like a week ago or I actually wouldn't have just jumped in, I had no clue, I only knew she lived with the guy for 3 years. They went out the first two, broke up but still lived together because he had no job or anywhere to go...she eventually told him he had to find somewhere...

It hurts & is lousy but hey it's life, if she wants to talk she knows where I'm at & my number, if not then ill just chalk it up as a good short relationship as we never fought so it actually worked well. Thanks again & I'm actually trying to raise money for stem cell for my mom so everyone can get their life back :-)

You are intimate with this person for 6 months and you knew nothing about it until a week ago? Did you not inquire at the beginning of the relationship? or did she bs'd her way though and kept it a secret?

[Hopelessheart]

It wasn't a secret, I just didn't know it was that fresh, she told me about the guy & how he wasn't all that great of a guy...I had many intimate conversations about things with her, but it was always hard for her to open up all the time, trust me I would have been on a higher alert if I'd have known this