Is it acceptable behavior ?

[TomerT]

Dear all,
Your opinion very appreciated...

How would you react in this situation...
You going to the dancing bar with your good looking girlfriend...
Your girlfriend is very friendly, easy going, very communicable person...
She also likes to feel wanted and admired by other males (she admits it)
She spends and dances some time with you, but also talk, flirt and dance (sometimes really sexy) with other male (and female) strangers in the club. One time, I was commented by friend of one of those male strangers:
"Look.., your gf all over my friend ! Who are you ? Are you sure she is your gf ?" When I told her, that this bahaviour seems to me a little bit inconsiderable,
she says to me, that she is "only having fun", she knows what she do, that I'm controlling her, jelous for no reason and have no reason to be upset ("it's jelousy eating your mind")

How would you react ? I do understand that she is free person (even when we are going out together) and she free to do whatever she wants. But, is it acceptable behaviour ? On the one hand it is better than she would do it behind my back (seems to me that there is no trust issues here).
On the other had it is a HUGE "opportunity" for her to be "stolen" by some other guy..or even worse to be taken adventage by her naiviity and some times light-mindedness (especially when she drinks)
Your input very appreciated.

[Boisdevie]

She has to decide who she is with. I would not accept that behaviour from my GF

[Charlie Boy II]

No I would not find that acceptable behaviour.

[TomerT]

Can you please explain why ? You not possess anyone ! Also, although she dancing with other guys, eventually she is going home to bed with you !

[Lipp]

I'd guess it to be residue of clubbing life in general, assuming that you guys are still in your 20s. But if it bothers you, just tell her and work it out from there, she oughta be able to have a good time in a club scene without dancing sensually with other guys, and if she doesn't care what you think, well, then you need to re-evaluate her.

For me, it'd definitely be a no-no as well. It's not a matter of possession, but it's still a mutual agreement and expectations that follow, and if a girl wants to jeopardize that just to be able to grind on other guys then she aint a girl of my liking.

On a side note, it's kinda funny how it sounds like the guy in the opening post and the girl the second time around

[TomerT]

On a side note, it's kinda funny how it sounds like the guy in the opening post and the girl the second time around

I try to be neutral and as objective as possible

[Petit Papillon]

No it's not acceptable. I wouldn't like my bf to dance like this with other girls, so I wouldn't do that to him either. Anyway, I would feel weird to dance with other guys while my bf would look at it. Yuuk. Well, that's why every girl should have a gay friend Look : GF - she's dancing with other guy, BF - doesn't feel endangered by a homosexual male, GayFriend - has fun

[Charlie Boy II]

Can you please explain why ? You not possess anyone ! Also, although she dancing with other guys, eventually she is going home to bed with you !

Do you really need me to explain it to you.

Each relationship has boundaries. You decide what behaviour you are willing to accept from your partner. Most people would interpret your girlfriend's behaviour as a sign of disrespect and an indication she's not completely satisfied with you and would quite like to be off doing other people. It's behaviour that most people do not think is appropriate when you're in a relationship with someone. Most people instinctively would be upset.

But, it's your girlfriend. It's a matter for you.

[Charlie Boy II]

I should add, that people who are too weak/afraid to set boundaries in their relationship usually end up getting played and then dumped.

[misombra]

Is she an alcoholic?

[thundersw]

No. That's not cool.
She's being immature to do it and you're being naive to accept this behaviour.
Obviously she has look that do kill and yours don't match, so she toys with you.
Everyone is free to do anything, but once you're somehow commited respect and consideration are very important. She has none.

[TomerT]

I should add, that people who are too weak/afraid to set boundaries in their relationship usually end up getting played and then dumped.

For the sake of discussion: I should add, that people who controlling, insecure and clingy getting dumped even faster, isn't it so ?
I don't want to control her, be her "dad" and say her what to do...the fact she came with me and leaving with me shouldn't be enough that she wants to be with me ?

To be frank, my first instinct was to dump her...Thinking a little bit in depth, I would like to find another solution that she would stop the behavior by her own will, without me pushing her to do so. Dancing and flirting with other girls is not an option for two reasons - (1) I don't feel comfortable to do it; (2) actually she likes (get aroused) seeing me with other girls. So this would not work. Any other creative suggestions ?

[Charlie Boy II]

(2) actually she likes (get aroused) seeing me with other girls. So this would not work. Any other creative suggestions ?

Nice!

Few people would consider asking your girlfriend not to dirty dance with random guys "controlling". I've never had a girlfriend even suggest that I was the least bit controlling, clingy or insecure but I'd have a problem with your girlfriend's behaviour.

But if the fact that she's leaving with you/wants to be with is enough for YOU then, that's fine. It doesn't matter what other people would/wouldn't do. She's your girlfriend.

[thundersw]

I don't want to control her, be her "dad" and say her what to do...the fact she came with me and leaving with me shouldn't be enough that she wants to be with me ?

If you want to blind yourself that's ok. If your first instinct was to dump her maybe you were damn right!
She may end with this by her own will, what if she considers you a weakling and continues doing it? If you're a man than act like one and tell her that's enough. Woman reject weak man or very permissable man very quickly for the simple reason of not having a strong stand.
Nobody here will tell you how to choose, but you will be overhelmed by the coerence of public opinion.

[TomerT]

Bottom line "Charlie Boy II" - how would you solve this situation ? "Dumping" is the easiest, not the "smartest" solution I think.