crazy.or.in love?

[Bo]

so this is my first post and it's going to be long but i'd really like to hear what others have to say about my situation other than the ppl in my life because frankly, i'm sick of hearing the same old shit. So i've been with my boyfriend for about 2 and a half years. we were both really young when we first met i was 15 and he was sixteen we are both 18 now. i would say he was my first serious relationship and likewise for him. So the situation is that for the first year of our relationship everything was absolutely perfect just about. We're high-school sweethearts and to describe our relationship in short terms we were the couple that everyone at our school knew about and thought we were just right for eachother. Anyway well we hit that one year mark and everything started going downhill. i guess because he was so young and then he hit that stage the most guys go through. That "boy stage", when they turn into assholes and don't really give a shit about anything. So we started fighting a lot because i'd suspect him of things and lying...one summer he basically messed up everything we had and made-out some white trash sleaze at a party....at the time i thought i was pregnant. This is not even one tenth of the things he's done..before that i'd caught him lying about lots of things and he ended up going to the beach with two girls that i had issues with him hanging out with at the time...i told him that he wasn't going and made him three-way call her and tell them they aren't staying at the same beach house. He ended up going anyway with those girls and when he came back after that weekend he actually had the nerve to ask me what was going on because i ignored him...we ended up talking and i told him that i couldn't take it anymore and that we couldn't be together.

I was completely crushed. he was my boyfriend and my best friend and everything...so within the next month we'd continued talking but were not on good terms and i found out he had sex with another girl.....and this time i was just devastated because it was the first time he's ever had sex with another girl. So a couple weeks later i don't know what happened but he basically realized how much he had screwed everything up that we had and promised that if i was pregnant he'd be there and that he wanted to get back together and promised me things would go back to the way it was before. Thank god i found out i was not pregnant...so things were on and off with us for a while Obviously his promises did not last. I would have to blame myself for some things too...i've never cheated on him...NEVER would...but after he messed up i did mess around with and ex...purely because was so angry at him. And after i found out he had sex with that girl i started crushing on this guy that i'd known for a while because he was really there for me when all this happened. This guy knew my boyfriend....we all met from the same class and he is two years older than me....needless to say things happened between us but it was never when my bf and i were together. i guess when i told him that things had happened between us he just got more out of control and that was really the turning point of things going even more downhill.

It was also hard because my parents are extemely strict and didnt know about him because i'm not allowed to date...so i didn't get to see him often other than at school..this frustrated him even though he didn't complain a lot about it..i knew that he just wanted to be able to have a normal relationship...which i couldn't give him....i should note..things are very different now since i drive and have a job and such...i see him almost everyday

during the middle of his senior year he'd had sex with two other girls...(he cheated on me with one girl and the other was when we weren't together). i guess u could call me dumb but even after all this i still wanted to make things work with him even though it changed me a lot. i was very angry with him, my temper had gone from a 5 to off the the charts basically. i'd become very possessive and i'd question him about everything. But no matter what he was still that go-to guy...no matter what i still loved him...it was hard to let go because i'd never ever been so comfortable with a guy before, with him everything was just really natural..never awkward. Whenever things got hard besides our relationship he was always there to pick me up and tell me everything was gonna be ok...

by the end of that year we'd gotten back together a couple of months before his graduation.....and things seemed to be ok for once..like he calmed down and got it all out of his system...i know that he wanted to know what else was out there because i was his first real relationship. i guess he didn't want to be tied down his senior year......so last summer came and i left on vaca for a month....i guess it really helped. i couldn't talk to him because i was basically on the other side of the world...once in a while i'd be able to myspace him.. i know we both needed space even though things were kinda falling back into place...a couple days before i came back he sent me an e-mail about how he's so so sorry about everything he's ever done to me and that he was really ready to make it work and he couldn't wait to see me. I was really happy about that...and things have been amazing up until about one and a half months ago.....even though he hasn't cheated, he's stopped lying about a lot of things. but now i think the problem is with me...i just can't let go of the past and it's really put a strain on us because he feels like he can't tell me things because i'll get mad or whatever....but it's so hard. it's so hard because i love him sooo much and i know he loves me....i want to be able to trust him again but i can't get myself to do it. i hold back now because i don't want to get hurt...recently we've started fighting a lot also because i ****ing hate his best friend. and we get into arguments about how i don't think he's a good friend and is a bad influence on both him and our relationship....
he doesn't like the way i am now, yet he doesn't understand that he's the one who changed me....i used to trust him with anything and everything..he still doesn't understand how much he's hurt me and i am still mad as hell at him inside....now we'll break up but even when we're "broken up" he still treats me like his gf and vice versa...we NEVER call each other our actual names....we still sleep together and everything...and thing just go back to us being together...we just can't let go...no matter how bad the situation gets....

we had a great day today...but i can't help wondering everyday what is going to become of us....it scares me to think that i'm gonna have to go through shit again with him...all my friends tell me that he's a jerk and i need to stop talking to him...but i can't. i just can't...

what do u think about it?

[RedneckCorvette]

Okay so I'm new at this posting thing too. But here it goes.

I had nearly the exact same situation too, we both met when I was 15, and he was 16. The first year was so fantastic, I figured we'd get married and the whole shin dig. I even got a promise ring out of the deal.

However, then the decline of the relationship started. That's when we became bitter and immaturely jealous towards each other. It's as if the trust had completely vaished, yet you're still trying to hold on to whatever you have left of your relationship. You know you could sleep around, make out, party with whomever, and you could get your boyfriend to forgive you. Visa Versa.

Well I'm here to tell you what everyone else has, after over 3 years of putting up with his own personal problems, I gave up that relationship. And from what I am hearing, I feel you should too. It's so incredibly hard. I understand, I got to the point where I thought crying on the phone with him nightly was better than not having him in my life at all. But trust me girl, once you're free of the pain, you're NEVER going to go back.

He's hurt you way too much, not only that, but he's the only guy you've gotton so comfortable with. Which is what makes it the hardest to let him go. You really do need to make your final decision with him, to be with him and give it your all, or just give it all up. Stop the inbetween, sort of dating, yet still making out with other people crap, no one deserves to have to put up with that pain. I know that the heartbreak seems nearly unbearable, but I am here as proof showing you that anyone can survive through it.

[Bo]

thanks for reading that, i appreciate it a lot...so did u just stop talking to him completely one day? or was it that u let him slowly drift away? it's hard because he tells me that even if we did really ever break up and not gget back together that he still would never ever want to lose me all together that no matter what he still wants to be a close friend...but see. the thing is i can't do that, i can't do the whole "friendship" thing with him...he says i'm selfish because i told him that we can't be friends that if he wants anything to do with me he better try his best and be my bf and be how we used to be or he's out of my life, and that's that. It's not because i don't want him in it, obviously i do but i wouldn't be able to move on if we remained friends.....u know what i'm sayin?

[carl1222]

I agree with redneck, that it's time to give up on this puerile (childish) relationship.

You're both cheaters (yes, "messing around" whatever that means is cheating).

It's time for both of you to grow up and move on and learn what commitment is before starting another relationship is because it's obvious that neither of you know what commitment is right now.

Carl.

[Bo]

carl, i appreciate u reading it but i just wanted to say..i've never cheated on him. Because when i did mess around it was only those two times and it was when HE made it clear that he didn't care nor wanted to be in a relationship with me, we weren't together at the time.

[francoatgrex]

Hi, this was a long post with a lot of "..." But seriously, relationships are not that easy, even (or especially) when we're teenagers. The problem that I see is that you are too attached to that person (I'd even say in an unhealthy way). Breaking that attachment is not easy and stopping seeing him "cold turkey" will make things worst. the best cure is that you fall in love with someone else, a much better person who loves and appreciates you. From what you described, it wouldn't be that hard to find such an attractive new lover/boyfriend in your life, and you know what? I bet you will find him soon.

[Bo]

thanks for reading that longg post..lol..ya well i've tried lots of times before and it's just weird being with other ppl. i guess since i haven't really pursued a "relationship" with someone else...i just don't see it happening. i actually really can't stand being with anyone else because with him it is really REALLY different...it feels natural.

[Gigabitch]

Well, if being unhappy and distrustful is natural... go ahead.

Look, .Bo., relationships have an arc. They go up and they come down. Yours hit the ground a long time ago, you just don't want to see that. FYI, the "boy stage" can last a lifetime for some boys. Sounds to me like he may be one of them.

You could be happier, you know. You could be alone. You could be with someone that treats you right. You could be dating three guys at the same time. It seems to me that you lack imagination, and that doesn't mean that you're stupid or doomed or anything, in fact, it makes total sense considering your parents' strictness. You haven't really had a chance to really think about what you want yet.

It will get better as you get older and get some distance from your childhood. Don't worry- just because you're emotionally attached to this guy right now it looks kind of grim, but it isn't.

[Bo]

well it's really not natural to feel like shit and distrustful but i meant it feels natural being with him, as in when all that emotional shit isn't there..i've never been so physically comfortable with any guy before. he wasn't the first..and hasn't been the last person...but everytime i just go back because it doesn't feel right when i'm with another guy...i've never been able to talk to another guy the way i talk to him, it's a lot more intimate...and i can't seem to get that with anyone else...