Ladies...what would you say love is?

[intrepido]

Is love...

loving someone no matter what?

Knowing why you love them? Is it part biology, part emotion? Is it what they can get or give to you? Is it you wanting them to be the father of the children you bear? Is it willing to be compromised for?

Is love unconditional? does it let life get in its way? is it calculated or does it just happen? do people plan to fall in love with a certain person to ensure financial security for themselves and their children? is it all-consuming?

Would love be willing to make sacrafices? Is love powerful enough to overcome obstacles no matter how daunting? does love settle? do you walk away from love? Does love exist in pure form or is it a combination of many factors like, finances, convenience in age and location and can love be born of a set of convenient factors?

[Junket]

I hope you don't actually expect female-only opinions...

[Only-virgins]

Is it part biology

Nah, it is pretty much ENTIRELY BIOLOGY.

[intrepido]

not biology in the way youre thinking. I mean when the "biology" is there but the woman decides to not stick to her guns cuz she wants kids immediately and will forego any and all "love" to find someone, by her own admission would be "less desirable" just so she can have kids and send them to a fancy school when theyre little, cuz youre too young and wont be able to pay for it, even though youll be a doctor someday.

[Only-virgins]

not biology in the way youre thinking. I mean when the "biology" is there but the woman decides to not stick to her guns cuz she wants kids immediately and will forego any and all "love" to find someone, by her own admission would be "less desirable" just so she can have kids and send them to a fancy school when theyre little, cuz youre too young and wont be able to pay for it, even though youll be a doctor someday.

My reply was simply referring to "what love is".

[IndiReloaded]

In your heeeeeaaaaddd... in your heeeaaaeeeeddd.

Its what you want it to be. As shallow or as deep as you decide it is. And, yes, that still makes it biology. We humans can do that, you know.

[touche]

love, i believe in the very first stage .. is pure however, when a couple think about the future and marriage.. then love is not purely about love..
it may includes factors like you mentioned: finances, convenience in age and location..
because we're human being, we are born to be selfish..
we think of our own goodness.. as a gurl, i want to be with the one i love however, i'll take consideration as if that guy can gimme a brilliant future or not.
sounds.. chessy but it's reality /.\

[Only-virgins]

love, i believe in the very first stage .. is pure however, when a couple think about the future and marriage.. then love is not purely about love..
it may includes factors like you mentioned: finances, convenience in age and location..
because we're human being, we are born to be selfish..
we think of our own goodness.. as a gurl, i want to be with the one i love however, i'll take consideration as if that guy can gimme a brilliant future or not.
sounds.. chessy but it's reality /.

Wanting to be with someone to love is also selfish. It is true more or less in most cases. However thinking of the future prematurely can really hurt people.

[Startingover]

okay I'll pre-empt this by saying I'm sure my oppinion is not held by the majority.
I believe there are differing types of love. For mankind as a whole, as in not wishing ill will on another. For your friends, for your family, for your children, for you partner.
I think that there is lust/infatuation, but true love is choosing to do your best by that person even when you are angry/things aren't picture perfect. I believe that love is a choice...an action.
For example...I chose to love my ex-husband and do my best by him and for him and for our marriage. After he left I chose not to love him.
I love my man now, but I am also in "lust" with him. In an ideal love with your partner you have a balance of the physical attraction/lust/passion, but also the mental and emotional love/passion.
So anyway just my point of view.

[intrepido]

To the contrary, StartingOver, I share your point of view. Love means wanting the best for the other person no matter what the circumstances are between the two of you. I would also agree with you that the ideal love is a combination of passion, lust and emotional sympathy and compassion. In addition some may add compatability factors such as age and where one is in their life, job etc. While I can see there point I am looking and hoping for a love that transcends all things and makes the world work for it (love).


In response to a previous poster that love FOR love is selfish, yes that is selfish. To love just to have love in ones life is selfish and that was not what I was getting at. As long as love is pure it will always pervade.

StartingOver, the love you had for your ex-husband seems like it would have ended, because of things that transpired between you two. The love I have for my current ex (interesting choice of words) has not ended on either my part or hers. We are in different places in our lives being that I am six years her junior and for the time being, she has things for herself to work out and I have a lot of school ahead of me. Our love will never die though and will perhaps bring us back together again.

[Only-virgins]

I completely disagree with the both of you.

[intrepido]

What do you disagree with us about?

I completely disagree with the both of you.

[Only-virgins]

What do you disagree with us about?

The entire " you need to work for love"...and the entire "Love is a choice". I believe love is an uncontrollable emotion that is triggered mutually between two people. It makes you believe that imperfections are perfections on the other human being. pupils dilate and a feeling called "love" occurs in the presence of that person.

Anything else than this is a relationship business arrangement and has nothing to do with love...like job, career, mutual interests....all that stuff makes a great relationship and maybe make it last longer...but I have no idea why people make it sound like love and relationship are two and the same thing. I love someone and never have been in a relationship with them. Also you want the best for them....because you think they are perfect...not for no reason at all...Jealousy will destroy that though as I have thought of putting a bat to the face of a girl I love before because she was with someone else...I actually consider that really freaking normal and showing that I love her SO MUCH that I don't want some other prick around her. Simple really. Love is emotional chaos.

Infatuation is what I feel when I think a cartoon character or a super model is hot. So that is not a good argument for my idea of love as the two feelings are completely different. You can read even William Shakespeare's work and you will realize what the word "love" originally means and what it should still mean.

Another thing " NO ONE! AND I MEAN NO ONE! EVER FREAKING SAID THAT LOVE IS SUPPOSED TO LAST!." Nothing good ever does.

I think that there is lust/infatuation, but true love is choosing to do your best by that person even when you are angry/things aren't picture perfect. I believe that love is a choice...an action.

But, more simply. This part. I completely think it is one of the most bogus lies I have heard in a while.

[intrepido]

OV-

I think you and I are in agreement. There are certain sentiments of what StartingOver said that I found important but yes...love is unconditional and does not require the encumberments of a relationship and simply wants the best for the other person because they think that they deserve the best. Love is not meant to be WORKED on, I said that the world should work for love, meaning that love should be more important than the material things and the convenient path.

My situation is an interesting one. I started dating this girl, we had an instant connection after meeting one night. She was older than I by six years and so my initial mindset is that this might not work out, and dont let yourself get too attached. She was all about making it work. She was jealous, she had problems, she was restricting so I broke it off a few different times but couldnt leave her. We stayed together and then she ended it with me for a number of different reasons. She was always hopeful in making us work and I got on board with her and let myself fall, which I intentionally wasnt doing beforehand because I thought that it may not work anyway. Her reasons included having kids before shes 35, I wont be out of school until Im around 29-30, so shed be 36. Im too young and were not compatible and, I quote, "I am willing to settle for someone less desirable who makes a little more money than me, (she makes hardly any money due to her anxiety and panic problems) so I can have kids and send them to private schools when they are little." Also using misinformation that kids cost 150 grand/year etc.

Now, more recently she has told me that she loves me more than any words could possibly describe, and I believe her, but still doesnt think it will work RIGHT now, is what she says these days. She needs to work on herself, (she has panic disorder and mild agoraphobia).

My question to you is whether or not you think my interest is more "business" as you put it or love related. I plan to, with no reasonable intentions of getting back together or anything like that, help her get better. Take her place after place everyday no matter how busy I am, show her support and love, devoid of romantic content until she gets better, and I know she can and will. She is not the type of person who would have married for money, or convenience, as I feel that many many people do and this leads me to believe even more strongly that what we had was so rare.

If she was to get better I could see myself being able to be with her. She could come to school with me and we could have a family. This is not what I am shooting for, mind you, but I love her very much and want her to be happy and free of the problems.

I am not the type to marry for convenience either. I dont know if Id want to marry a girl who likes me for my stability, in the sense that, she could have it herself but is too lazy. My ex doesnt have a choice. Do you think I am putting love to the test to see if it is strong enough to conquer all? and do you think I am partially hopeful of love in doing this and that the idea is attractive to me?

The entire " you need to work for love"...and the entire "Love is a choice". I believe love is an uncontrollable emotion that is triggered mutually between two people. It makes you believe that imperfections are perfections on the other human being. pupils dilate and a feeling called "love" occurs in the presence of that person.

Anything else than this is a relationship business arrangement and has nothing to do with love...like job, career, mutual interests....all that stuff makes a great relationship and maybe make it last longer...but I have no idea why people make it sound like love and relationship are two and the same thing. I love someone and never have been in a relationship with them. Also you want the best for them....because you think they are perfect...not for no reason at all...Jealousy will destroy that though as I have thought of putting a bat to the face of a girl I love before because she was with someone else...I actually consider that really freaking normal and showing that I love her SO MUCH that I don't want some other prick around her. Simple really. Love is emotional chaos.

Infatuation is what I feel when I think a cartoon character or a super model is hot. So that is not a good argument for my idea of love as the two feelings are completely different. You can read even William Shakespeare's work and you will realize what the word "love" originally means and what it should still mean.

Another thing " NO ONE! AND I MEAN NO ONE! EVER FREAKING SAID THAT LOVE IS SUPPOSED TO LAST!." Nothing good ever does.



But, more simply. This part. I completely think it is one of the most bogus lies I have heard in a while.

[intrepido]

Furthermore...

Love is a completion of sorts, a completion of two people by one another. It is a great thing between two people that cant be affected by any outside factors, ie panic disorder, age differences etc. The girl, I feel has been rejected and treated differently because of her problem, when there was no one who decided to stay and help her. If we were the same age I would have married her already, she seems to think that it wouldnt be good, she doesnt want me to "ruin" my life etc. She is everything I could want minus the problems she has but those dont make me love her any less. I would go on and find someone that was convenient. Someone who I could be with and who would be good and easy for me to have a life with. That is not love though. Granted there are many people out there that fit the description I outlined above and are in love! I am not trying to say that when you meet someone you love, if it is an easy transition into getting married and having kids that that isnt love you have, it is. I am just saying that since we really love each other the differences and problems between us are not all that daunting.

For me, possibly, I may have to have a miraculous love like the one I have for her to be fulfilled. I could go on and find another, and so could she but we would have denied ourselves each other and denied our love. The love formed between two future partners for each of us respectively, might be a love born out of convenience and ease.