Girlfried of over 2 years... am I being broken up with?

[jt38109]

My girlfriend of over 2 years, has just started staying with a sibling because she seems to be having the "mid 20's crisis". We have lived together for 2 years and bought a house last fall that I paid for, but we basically did together. I think she is to the point that she feels life is passing her by and she made so many "major" life decisions without giving it too much thought. She feels consumed by the relationship and has lost her own identity. Almost all of her friends have service industry jobs and have that connection and spend lots of late hours at the bars together. She is an extremely social person and I think being with me has removed her from that social experience of being young and life without commitments. I have an established career, and well off financially... but she feels like I may control the direction of the relationship because I like to make plans... She is more of a take what comes kind of person.

We really are best friends and I personally think are truly in love. But I could sense her distancing herself the past 2 weeks until yesterday she packed a bag and started staying with a sibling. I am not sure for what time period... But she wants some space to clear her head and re-evaluate her life and make some decisions. We have a couple cats together, and feel like this was our family.

I feel completely abandoned, lonely, and unsure what is TRULY taking place here. She has tried to confirm to me that she loves me, wants to be with me, and return to stay. But she needs some time to clarity to perhaps find herself and make some decisions on what she wants for her life. We are 6 years apart... She is 25, I am 31.

I would love to believe that this is the case... that she will spend a week or so apart, collect herself, realize that we are truly in love, should be together, and will work on our future together as a couple. BUT - when we met, I left a previous relationship in almost the same way, saying the same things, and left for an unspecified period of time. I never returned, because the reason I left was that I didn't think I wanted to be with that person, and I thought I had found someone better. I do not think this is the case with my current girlfriend... BUT I HAVE NO IDEA.

I have no idea how to proceed... Do I go the No Contact route? Does this sound familiar to anyone here? Do I plan for a break-up? How do I get more information about asking for a timeline for her to return "home" without pressing her? How much time is "fair". She says she is being selfish and sorry for hurting me this way. Then why can't we talk and figure this out together if I am not the issue and she truly is in love with me?

Please help...
JT

[Nicholas_V]

I think you should give her the space she needs, but you should maintain non-pushy contact. Send her an email asking how she is doing, or give her a brief call to see if she needs anything - that kind of contact.

As to what exactly goes on - you are going to find out. It could go either way.

[jt38109]

Thanks Nicholas... that's kind of how I am approaching this. I am not cool with being abandoned like this... Im not acting like a poor sap, and am preparing to move on. I think this is a 50/50 deal as well. I appreciate the advice. My support system is a bit weak at the moment. I look at it like...we should be working on this TOGETHER if she is unhappy with life... only other explanation is it is ME she is unhappy with. 2+ years of being inseperable... She is feeling she has lost herself and her identity... I get it... but you dont have to abandon your loved one in a tough spot.

Thanks... I am tough... but having your heart broken out of NOWHERE is unbelievably unbearable at times...

[Bigboy77]

Be the statue in an emotional storm. Be strong!
If you want to keep someone in your life you can't be afraid to lose them. Don't get needy and emotional!

[Corgan]

I think the best thing you can do is give her space. And when she dos come back around, tell you guys can try and do it her way for awhile. Go to the bar, have fun and be young! Let her make some plans for you guys . Let her have her youth...plan a trip for you, her and her friends. Let her know that you dont want to lose her and that you understand you are different people! There is an age gap, so maybe you need to branch out and join he rin being young.

[IncognitoSir]

I think the best thing you can do is give her space. And when she dos come back around, tell you guys can try and do it her way for awhile. Go to the bar, have fun and be young! Let her make some plans for you guys . Let her have her youth...plan a trip for you, her and her friends. Let her know that you dont want to lose her and that you understand you are different people! There is an age gap, so maybe you need to branch out and join he rin being young.

Definitely give her space, she has LEFT you. Instead of staying to work on with you, she just left. Something that involved both of you was bothering her and she decided to go figure it out on her own. I'm sure you love her and her you, but walking away is not the answer. While she is away, you should focus on yourself. I would prepare for a break up myself. Due to the nature of her age and the problem, sounds like she wants a taste of the single life, which doesn't necessarily mean dating other people, but just a WHOLE LOT less of you. I've been their before. She wants to change the dynamic of the relationship and their's nothing wrong with that, but you BOTH have to WANT this change. Of course you don't want this change, hell, you're happy with things, it's been like this for 2+ years, why would you wanna change anything? It sucks, I know man. You're going to have to make a tough decision very soon. Keep her in your life along with this new outlook of hers or single. G'luck to you man.

[Nicholas_V]

Sometimes things just do not work out - you wish they did, you do your best, but they don't. It hurts, but what can you do.

Don't beat yourself up - be decent and kind in your contacts with her (which I think for now they should be brief and relatively spare - but do not put on a needy face (at least not in front of her - that's what places like this are for). If it's not meant, someone else will appreciate you for who you are.

But like others said, do prepare yourself that things may go south at the end.

Be strong man. Life WILL get better.

[shymaira]

I would give her space. Nobody likes to ever feel abandoned, but the saying is that if she comes back to you, then it was meant to be...if not, it never was. The fact that she is saying sorry and that she is selfish...usually is a sign that she knows how much this is affecting you. But yet, she feels for some reason she has to do it. It terms of how much time is "fair" ...that is for you to decide. I guess it depends how much you really want it to work out with her. If it were me, I would probably give it a few months max. If i don't hear from her, I would move on. Sorry, its tough to know what's going on in her head, but it seems she may be distancing herself for some reason. Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best. Good luck.