Confusing ex- girlfriend

[pulse]

Anyone able to help me figure out what this means?

Girlfriend broke up with me, she said it was mainly because of the different ways we handle stress and other small things like slight personality differences...saw her again a few days later when she was dropping something off at my house and I apologised for saying a few things I shouldn't have just before we broke up (in my mind this was why she broke up with me) but then she said it was nothing that I did, she just thought it was time to end it (?)

Ok, all fair enough I suppose but when we just broke up she hugged me. Again fair enough, but it was a lingering hug and nuzzled into my chest and sighed (you know that sigh when you're hugging someone you love) and also said that she still loves me and still really wants to be friends. When she came round a few days later and after we talked and I apologised she kinda just hugged me and almost ran away, like she couldn't bare talking to me.

We're still friends, although haven't talked for a week now (you know no-contact rule and such) but I will see her again in a few days at a party I'm having and she also invited me to her birthday which is a month away.

I'm incredibly confused, it seems that through her words she wants it to be over etc but when I see the way she acted around me while breaking up and that one time after, it seems that she actually does still love me and is still into me. I really love her and if there's any chance of getting back together down the track (even a few years) hell, I can wait. But these mixed messages are killing me!

There are quite a few other factors that could contribute that are too complicated to go into atm which makes it all the more confusing...any help is appreciated but I suppose it's just good to get down my thoughts and have someone listen to them.

[DarkHelmet82]

arent all exes confusing? If i were you it would be all or nothing.. no friendship.. either date me or drop me

[The Gent]

Man alive, this reminds me of the time I broke up with a girl, I'll call her 'S'. But anyways, after Sarah & I split up, she kept texting me saying how much she "missed/loved me". I'd get invites to the movies/dinner dates with her but only as friends.
I was like "woah you can't treat me like a zero & expect me to your hero!"

Seems like she wanted to finish with you, but isn't strong enough to have you in her life as just a friend yet. (The lingering hugs/big sighs will be sending you mixed messages etc)

And as Dark Helmet says, all ex's are confusing!

[Horseyguy]

Man alive, this reminds me of the time I broke up with a girl, I'll call her 'S'. But anyways, after Sarah & I split up,

Puhahahahaha

[The Gent]

Haha, I wondered if anyone would pick up on that. Congrats.

[Horseyguy]

Haha, I wondered if anyone would pick up on that. Congrats.

That's the sort of thing I would do lol

[pulse]

lol, true but tbh this is the first ex I've had that is this confusing, or that I cared enough to actually think about...previous ones were just like 'meh' but this one I fell for fast and fell for hard.

The date me or drop me thing is a lot harder too, I got on amazingly with her friends and now I'm kinda in their circle...and want to stay there and they want me there well...

Some of the other things I alluded to in my first post were things like she's a commitment-phobe and all her friends are single, a good friend of hers even broke up with her bf the day before she broke up with me, I thought that had something to do with it but could have been just co-incidence.

And she hasn't actually messaged me or contacted me at all apart from a few days ago (which was necessary) but that doesn't give me much information as she is a pretty strong girl and could easily resist the temptation to contact me even if she wanted to...

EDIT: Should have put this in the first post but essentially, the predicament I need an opinion for is, given the information is there a chance that we could get back together, should I wait for her or just force myself to accelerate the healing process and get over her? Obviously the safest option is to just get over her and move on but hell, when is love ever safe? And I guess something that is skewing my views is that so many of her friends had relationships that ended for 6 months to more than a year and ended up back together or even now married, including her brother (and I got along very well with her family) and her and her best friend weren't talking for 6 months a few years back and they are now two of the closest people I've seen.

[confused&single]

As DH said "all exs are confusing" especially when you know you had a good relationship. Sometimes, especially when one or both parties are young (early to mid twenties and younger), they have this internal debate with themselves about "wondering what else is out there" and it could be because they don't have many experiences dating but it's not because they aren't happy or in love or that they don't care about you...it’s just this thought that becomes consuming and invades every feeling they have for you. Then the only thing that can be done is to end the relationship. At least that's what I like to think happened in my situation....and I'm 99% sure that it did in my case. He is still insistant that he wants to be friends but he also throws intense signs of flirtation my way and we still have the chemistry we did before. Unfortunately sooner or later you'll realize that you deserve to be with someone that sees just how fantastic you are without having to wonder if there could be something better. Really and truly you have to say "relationship or nothing" you can't be friends because you still love her and it will KILL you to see her start dating someone else. Since it sounds like the relationship was good there may be a chance in the future for it to work out but you need to distance yourself...promise. I mean...i think the no contact rule is great at first, but I don't think it hurts (after an extended period) to occasionally talk..but you need to draw the line at that. You can be acquaintances and nothing more. Someone you call up to say grab a cup of coffee every once and a while (many many months from when the relationship ended). Just don't kid yourself. If she wanted to get back with you, she'd bring it up and when she brings it up you may be already over it. But walking the fine line of acquaintances and friendship is tricky..trust me I'm there right now. You don't have any right to know whom she may be dating or what she may be doing in her free time. Wondering will drive you nuts. It's not your place to know anymore. It can really stall your progress of moving forward. I know you said you'd wait years for this girl, but what if you waited and she's never ready. Then you've wasted your youth waiting for someone you thought could be "the one". In a lot of cases it doesn't end well...so sometimes the best and only way to go is to just let it go and move on...of course that’s easier said than done. (As is apparent from my situation) You just have to decide what you feel in your heart (after its had time to heal) is the right decision is for your situation.

[confusius]

I have learned that they are not that confused after all. They know exactly what they want, but try to make it sound good and not personal.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Don't acknowledge her at the party you're attending. Don't go to her birthday party. Don't tell her happy birthday or send her anything(not even a text). Just cut her out of your life completely and if she asks why, just tell her not to contact you unless she wants to get back together, hang up/walk away/sign off/stop answering texts.

[pulse]

confused and single: I agree with you completely on all points, we are still both young and I'm pretty sure the main reason is that she doesn't actually know what she wants, a few of her/my friends said this is probably the case as well.

confusius: Yeah but I really think she doesn't know what she wants here, I think for the both of us it's a battle of mind vs heart, mind is telling her to break up and telling me to get on with my life, heart is telling her to keep me and mine is telling me that she will come back.

BackUpOrGetStng: Not acknowledging her at the party is gonna be hard, as I'm the host and cutting her out of my life completely is also going to be hard seeing as I'm embedded quite deeply with many of her friends so cutting her out will mean cutting an extra 15-20 people out, a few that I'm even close with now. Not something I'm willing to do.

And I know that the safe bet is to just cut her out and what not but I'm not looking for completely safe...I guess I'll just wait 'til the party and see how she acts around me and then decide what I should do.

[confusius]

confusius: Yeah but I really think she doesn't know what she wants here, I think for the both of us it's a battle of mind vs heart, mind is telling her to break up and telling me to get on with my life, heart is telling her to keep me and mine is telling me that she will come back.

Seriously, I was there not very long ago. She was confusing as f*ck. You name it. She was going to call me to fix random things for her (even if it worked), invite me to restaurant. Man I was a fool to accept everything. She would want us to do things we used to do together. My friends would say she looked confused, and out of it. Even when she started dating somebody else. Called me and apologized for things that happened. BUT she wouldn't come back.

Anyway, good luck to you. You may be stronger than me and I know you will find your way.

[pulse]

Seriously, I was there not very long ago. She was confusing as f*ck. You name it. She was going to call me to fix random things for her (even if it worked), invite me to restaurant. Man I was a fool to accept everything. She would want us to do things we used to do together. My friends would say she looked confused, and out of it. Even when she started dating somebody else. Called me and apologized for things that happened. BUT she wouldn't come back.

Anyway, good luck to you. You may be stronger than me and I know you will find your way.

She hasn't done any of that but it has only been two weeks. I haven't contacted her and she hasn't contacted me, the party will be the first contact in a week. So as I said I think I'll just see what happens then and how she acts and take it from there. Thanks, it will be easier once I know for sure what's going on.

[Warhawk]

My ex has been playing with my head too. We broke up about a month ago, but lately she's been sending me signals that she misses me. She left practice early because she wasn't feeling good and wanted to hang out with my friends and I. When we got home (she still lives with me for the moment) she said that she started to feel better when we started to hang out. She said it as if she felt better being with me. She asked me to go for a walk and the whole time she wanted to hold my hand. Like either be with me or not?

She is just keeping tabs on me, and your ex is probably doing the same. I found out my ex already slept with two other guys so f that biotch!