2 year relationship coming to abrupt end out of no where

[400ex]

Hey guys and girls.

Out of no where my girlfriend said she wasn't in love with me anymore but she loved me. She said she wasn't excited to come drive down to me (we lived about an hour apart) and that she didn't have the butterflies anymore.

We did have the occasional arguments and I would be the one to talk to her while she yelled and scream her heart out. You know I would be the one she leaned on.

But I dont want to let her go because she does make me happy, I don't even understand why she is feeling this way. We have always been a happy couple never had problems except the occasional argument.

Anyways since she had said that to me, it has been hell it has been on and off arguing. I went and got my stuff one night and spent the night. It felt good spending time with her and just being with her but we cried and talked about how much it sucked, she blamed her self and she really wants to change the way she feels about this whole situation. She said she wants to go back to the way she felt and she doesnt even know why she feels this way right now. I gave her space for a couple days no texts, no bickering no nothing and it went well.

A couple days later she says she misses me and she bought her own EZ Pass and wont be using her brothers anymore, she tried being cute. The next day she messages me saying our song came on the radio and I just messaged back oh then it must be faith bringing us back together no? She said she was smiling so much about that.

I started thinking at night about somethings and how she might be using me as a safety net because lets face it she hasn't called me to talk to me at all. I have given her a full week of space and started talking to her via text message. So I asked her in a text are you using me as a safety net, and she responded Very Wrong, we'll talk tomorrow.

So I called her on her break and she ignores me not once but twice. This really hurts my feelings but I am being optimistic and maybe she had no service and it sounded like when some one ignores your call... So I texted her and said did you just ignore me ? I thought we were going to talk?

She texts me 4 hours later saying sorry..

We had a bad conversation on the text message that went something long the lines of

(me)You really hurt my feelings by ignoring my text messages I feel like one day were making such progress and were going to be going back out but then you just do something like this and I feel like ill just never speak to you again. I am here waiting for you because i believe in us and at the same time its making my life horrible, i dont know how much longer i can do it because i really need to move on

and she apologized and said i don't blame you and said she feels the same way about one day she feels like she could be going back out and one day just never talk to me

I then responded saying you could go to the movies this week by your self because I figured you wouldnt ask me again because we just were in the moment of crying not seeing each other again

and she said

Well I was going to ask you tonight

And my response was

Well if it's going to mean anything to you I will be there, if not I rather just stay home.

And I left it at that...

I was really hurt by her ignoring my calls after her basically giving me the run around telling me that she misses me and misses my kisses and all this bullcrap.. I also told her this is the reason why I feel like she is hiding something from me and has feelings for another man.

I would never in a million years think this would ever go down like this. I actually thought this was the woman I was going to marry.It doesn't look so anymore.

If anyone has any experience with this please help me out.


---
Some other quick insight on our relationship

We are both 21

She works 2 jobs, and must work 15-18 hours a day
I go to college every day besides weekends
We live about an hour-hour and a half away from each other

When she got her 2 jobs she started acting like this, but says she started having these weird feelings before her 2 jobs, but her last job was working her just as hard. She says she is scared if we get back together that it will still fail, even though I have no feeling of this.

[LostSnake18]

Hey man I know almost exactly how you feel. My relationship was 3 years long and seemed as good as any relationship could. But I moved away leaving her in college and yes she loves me but is not in love with me. Heard it all before. Mine was drawn out like yours and its hell. I know you won't want to hear this but it sounds like its over. She obviously does not feel the same way about you anymore. Yes she may be confused but you will not help her figure it out. More than likely she won't love you the same way anymore. You must learn to accept that. I am still struggling with it but I know someday it will be better. I believe if she was truly committed to your relationship and she was truly the one for you, this wouldn't happen. And if it still did she will find her way back to you. But it must be without your pleading and talking to her. It will be the hardest time of your life if you manage to cut contact. But you must for your sake. There is no amount of advice I can give you or anyone me that will truly take the pain away. We must learn to live with it until time takes it away and once again we find our happiness.

[400ex]

Thanks for the advice I was already leaning towards that already. I just dont want to pull the trigger.

[Chazza2k]

Sorry your going through this now, I know its tough to deal with.

Sounds to me like the relationship is just over, she doesn't feel like you do anymore. The reasons are always difficult to understand, impossible in most cases because they are her reasons but whatever they are I think you must learn to accept it. Perhaps you have just grown apart or she wants something different, who knows, but its normally difficult to get to the truth. When me and my Ex split, I really had to know why, in the end though when she did tell me, I felt she basically lied to me from the very start how she felt and used me until someone else came along, I guess I learned she wasn't the girl I ever thought she was. Sometimes I guess its better not to know, though I'm glad I found out.

It's not easy to love someone who doesn't love you back, but eventually you learn to accept it and move forward. I tried to win her back, meet up, talk and Txt but everytime that happened always the reverse would happen, she moved further away from me. I've accepted it now and moved on, it still hurts but after our last talk I suppose there's relief now knowing how she truely felt (its been around 2months since we split) but I'm moving forward with my own life now, planning on traveling a little. The pain stays with you but I think at least you learn to deal with it, then I think part of you realise's its truely is over with and you accept it. Its the wanting and the hoping that you will end up back together I think was the most difficult part for me, once that changes I think you can move forward.

[400ex]

I didnt talk to her at all yesterday and she calls me, she apologizes and she says that she just wasnt in the mood to talk, and not just me her parents, her brother, her friends and all that.

She also told me she feels like we will be back together but she doesn't know if this is a good idea because she doesn't know if we are good for eachother because we are soo "different"

Different in her eyes is because She like tattoos and peircings and I dont have any... And that I go to college and she doesnt and she just works all the time.

She went on to say she misses everything about me and misses how everything use to be, but not the drive being that she works 2 jobs and doesnt have time for her self.

She also went on to say that she isn't using me as a safety net and that there is 100% no other guy in the picture... The way she is feeling is stated above...

I felt good, but bad at the same time. I really want this girl back, and I dont know if she will ever come to terms. I know we are a good couple and I am willing to work out everything for her. I know if we lived closer or together we would be just perfect. No arguments, she would lean on me and I would lean on her and we would straighten each other out.

It's hard for me to move forward because she says she sees us back together, and I do too. I see us happily back together, but when?

We were suppose to meet up half way and go see a movie tonight, but I kindly declinded because my car doesnt drive well in the rain, and I hinted if she would be so kind to surprise me by coming to me.

She quickly and said no because she has work after 6

and then got pretty rude and just said flat out I dont want too.

It kind of hurts because like I said earlier, I feel good, then I hurt. I really want her back and she said she wants to be back but she has her doubts about it because she thinks we will just break up in a year or two because were not a good couple. But thats what she thinks.

I dont know... She was looking at some old pictures when we went on vacation together and my sisters wedding it brought back some good memories she told me, and I feel like that was a step in the right direction.


Any advice, should I still bail?

[Diabolito]

You shouldn't bail, but you need to give her some time to really think everything through. She can't do that, if you're trying to convince her of something meanwhile.

[Chazza2k]

Sounds to me like your in two very different places, shes works really hard on two jobs and must feel exhusted at the end of the day while you are in college, there's a few differences between you but for two years something must have been working right? Whats changed between you since the start?
You also mention how she drives down to see you? How often do you go to see her?

I'm not sure if she's moved on from you perhaps shes testing you here. She says there is still love between you, your communicating and there is no-one else in her life. Girls need to feel wanted and worth something so you have to make an effort for her, I doubt she would be too impressed with the car don't work in the rain story (more likely she'd think you cannot be bothered to go and see her and that shes not worth the risk?) Could you go on a train or bus?

You also make alot of comments on what she thinks? What do you think? Do you think she's the one for you, do you truely miss her and want her back and are you willing to fight or at least make an effort to keep her? If not then that's OK you decided what you want. End it and move on.

If you want her back then arrange something and then you go meet her and see her, take her some flowers or something she'd like and tell her how you feel. See how it goes from there.

[400ex]

I have already met up with her at her house one day and slept over, she told me she didnt think it was a good idea too. But in the end she thought it was the best thing... I was the one who first said lets go meet up at the mall and she never mentioned it again till I said I figured were not going to go see that movie. Which then she said I was going to ask you.


So I don't think she is testing me. I really feel like she is confused and he is really 50-50 on the decision.

I really love her, but it really hurts when I am trying to talk to her and yeah... She just doesn't want to talk to me back.

But then she says those things to me that she misses me and such.


----

I just got done talking to her and she was going to go to the movies today with her friend and her friend wanted to go see the movie I wanted to see with her today and she opted not to go see it because of me...

Which made me feel good.

And we kept on talking about sweet things again, and then I went back to talking normal with her about life and things. I think it is going very well. But I cant help to feel kidn of crappy how she doesn't want to come down and see me. I already went up there once, yes it wasn't to see her it was to get my stuff,it did turn into a cry fest and me seeing/spending time with her. But still...

Should I send flowers on Monday? I really dont think it will make a difference... A couple days before our break up she wanted a promise ring, but I couldnt get one for her because I had just spent about 300 dollars on her for her birthday.

[SS Gal]

So she went from wanting a promise ring to "let's break up"??? Does anyone else get the vibe "unstable" from all that they've heard in this story? This girl doesn't sound like she knows what she wants, but that could partly be because she is only 21 and under a lot of stress working 2 jobs. Is it possible that this is your first love? If so, I can see how hard it is for you to let her go. The sad truth, however is, no matter how bad you want something to work, it takes both parties with that goal for it to happen. My advice is to give her some room/time to sort out her feelings. Let her know that you want to make things work, but that you respect her wishes and you will leave it up to her to decide her feelings for you. Maybe she will miss you and see that she does want you in her life, or maybe she won't. Whatever decision she makes, you will have to accept it and be prepared to possibly move on, as difficult as that may be. It's a rotten situation to be in and I wish you the best of luck.

[Chazza2k]

It sounds so strained your situation, she told you she isn't in love with you anymore but still loves you (as what a friend?), and she really doesn't want to see you, or make an effort for you, like she used too. Shes Ok on the phone one minute then next its like she does't want to talk to you. Think SS Gal is right her, perhaps some time spent apart will allow you both to focus on if your really right for each other? If after some time apart you feel you both want to be together then thats good, if it works out the otherway then I know it will tough to deal with but least you will know she wasn't the one for you.

I hope it works out for the best, good luck.

[400ex]

SS Gal I have had many girlfriends before, but this is truly my first love. I am just going to let things ride out.

Thanks all for the input. I will keep updating this, I can't say that I will do everything you all say because it is very very hard. But I know I am going to be moving in that direction.

[400ex]

Today we were talking like normally, and I got a bit out of hand just saying I miss her, but she said she loves me and missed me bad too. Then I just flat out said how do you feel about being in a relationship with me again and she said Better.Not Good. It seems like it was much better then last week but I think I sort of treaded on her area a bit when I was giving her space.

She sort of backlashed at me and said I need you to give me space i love you and i miss you bad(again), let me come to you when I am ready. (I live like an hour - hour and ahalf away)

It gave me a lot of hope. After she said that I told her she just gave me a lot of hope and that I'll be ready whenever that is. And I left it at that.

So yeah I do feel a lot better that I will be with her again, maybe not today, maybe not this week. But hopefully I will be. I think that we are good for each other, I just think she needs to clear her head. I've been trying to make her realize it, but I dont know if that was a smart thing to do..

Thanks for all the support and help guys, I appreciate it.

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A little bit about me

Since this has happened I have been exercising a lot more, I am a really big guy however I dont really have a problem talking to women/approaching women or my confidence for that matter.. But I always wanted to lose weight more so for health related reasons then trying to look better because I do think I look good already even as a big guy,.. Anyways exercising has been helping me a lot, I have jogging about a mile every other day just to start off and I feel a huge difference in everything already. I can't wait till I start shedding weight. My goal is to lose like 30-50 pounds by Jan-Feb but I am going to take it slow and do it the healthy way no crash diets.

[not_me]

I have been through what you're saying here. Twice with the same girl .

First of all, try not to analyze the situation too much, because that is what brings back all the memories, raises uncomfortable questions, and finally makes you do things that do not help. Try to take it as easy as you're able to. If there's any hobby you enjoy doing, do it. If you can go out hanging with bunch of your friends all day long, do that. Taking your focus off the bad things will make you more relaxed and will also take the pressure off tensed communication between you to.

Do not ignore her. If she calls and wants to talk/hang out, do so if you have time.

However, do NOT rush things. I think this is very important for both of you. Getting back together now will make you feel better but you'll get in the same situation very soon. On the other hand, if you take it easy and give it some time, anything can happen.

And remember, you're her friend now. So there's no reason you should feel like you really need to do anything (call her often, spend time with her, and so on). Just keep it cool.

[IncognitoSir]

I have been through what you're saying here. Twice with the same girl .

First of all, try not to analyze the situation too much, because that is what brings back all the memories, raises uncomfortable questions, and finally makes you do things that do not help. Try to take it as easy as you're able to. If there's any hobby you enjoy doing, do it. If you can go out hanging with bunch of your friends all day long, do that. Taking your focus off the bad things will make you more relaxed and will also take the pressure off tensed communication between you to.

Do not ignore her. If she calls and wants to talk/hang out, do so if you have time.

However, do NOT rush things. I think this is very important for both of you. Getting back together now will make you feel better but you'll get in the same situation very soon. On the other hand, if you take it easy and give it some time, anything can happen.

And remember, you're her friend now. So there's no reason you should feel like you really need to do anything (call her often, spend time with her, and so on). Just keep it cool.

That's some advice I can take myself. My gf and I are doing a long distance relationship now, even though we are still together, we are experencing a lot of problems (arguments, trust issues, calls possibly being ignored, etc.) Even though all i want to do is talk and text with her as much as I can because that's my only way of being close to her, I find a need to giver her some space and time to think things through, Although we dont have the same situation here I can learn a lot from what you've said here and the advice given to you. I wish you the best guy and I hope it works out for you.....and me.

[400ex]

I have been through what you're saying here. Twice with the same girl .

First of all, try not to analyze the situation too much, because that is what brings back all the memories, raises uncomfortable questions, and finally makes you do things that do not help. Try to take it as easy as you're able to. If there's any hobby you enjoy doing, do it. If you can go out hanging with bunch of your friends all day long, do that. Taking your focus off the bad things will make you more relaxed and will also take the pressure off tensed communication between you to.

Do not ignore her. If she calls and wants to talk/hang out, do so if you have time.

However, do NOT rush things. I think this is very important for both of you. Getting back together now will make you feel better but you'll get in the same situation very soon. On the other hand, if you take it easy and give it some time, anything can happen.

And remember, you're her friend now. So there's no reason you should feel like you really need to do anything (call her often, spend time with her, and so on). Just keep it cool.

thats the issue I have been but I think I have been a little to much. So she wants her space now completly. So I dont think I am going to bother talking to her unless she contacts me. The thing is I can't be her friend if this relationship doesn't work out, it hurts that bad... Thanks for the advice though...