omfg i'm gonna die

[King Zarathu]

hey guys--this isn't about dating but this really breaks my heart and i can't stand it i feel like i wanna DIE

at the age of 6 years old i was sexually abused at a school in a city that is 3rd-4th in the crime rates. this lasted almost everyday for 2 years. i wasn't raped, but it was very close. i have grown up to be so ****ed up in ways i can't express, but i kept my anger in for 8 years. the only one i told was my g/f i've been dating for 7 months (i love her) and then i told my psychologist. i told my dad a few weeks ago cuz we almost got into a fistfight--we were screaming like animals at each other and it came out of my mouth and i crumpled on the ground screaming and crying in a corner and my dad looked shocked for a few seconds and started crying too. we hugged forever... i'm getting therapy and my grades are doing excellent..


** 2 W E E K S L A T E R **

my mom started bitching me out cuz she's bipolar and last night she was all nice n shit but this morning she was bitching me out about every god damn thing i did, and i was answering her back. normally she bitches me out cuz of my grades, then i shove in her face that i'm making straight A's. just stupid stuff like that, and i told her i've been through more shit then she could dream of. and so i listed them off:

-i've been in an alternative school where they beat the shit out of ppl after school for almost a year because i lit a piece of paper on fire

-because of this "fire" lol i had to go through a fire program

-i had to deal with my sister being favored about EVERYTHING over me--when she would cry my dad would automatically go to whoopin' my ass

then i said

-i have to deal with you bitching at me every ****ing day!!!

and then my shit came out..

-AND EVEN WORSE I ALMOST GOT RAPED WHEN I WAS 6 FOR TWO YEARS STRAIGHT YOU CUNT

and i started crying in the car.. she showed that she couldn't give a **** less.. you know what she said?

"wtf?! by who?!"

"i don't know i can't remember--kids from school in 1st grade until 3rd" i said through sobs and crying


you know what she did?!

she said "ok whatever" and kept bitching to me about her shit!!!!!!!!

somebody help me..

[LeagueLegend]

That is very sad, no one should ever have to go through that. Your mum dosen't seem like a very nice person at all, no offence but your dad seems a lot nicer and more caring. I don't think he knows what to do or say or do.

You really need to talk to someone that cares about you or has a great understanding in this kind of field. You should be really telling all this stuff your therapist and all of your emotions, sometimes it helps to write them down.

[aniretake]

Babe, you need to call Hotline or find a counselor. You need to get help by talking it out. Counseling does not mean you are crazy or something. Just counselors see your point from the other side, they ll never judge you or whatevere. And... try to move away and start your own life. Away from family who cannot support you.

[squirrley]

Your mom is also dealing with the fact she wasnt there to protect you, she is fully blasted with this herself. I went through a VERY similar situation, comes out at the most strangest time. I told my mom, and all she could say was "he wont remember that." I was so hurt by her lack of concern and non chalant attitude. BUT later I found out it was because she felt she failed as a parent, parents are suppose to protect their children. So keep that in my mind. Ultimatley, if you feel you can not handle this situation in discussing this at home, find a counselor. You NEED someone to work through your emotions. Im sorry youre family or mom isnt there for you at the time you feel you need it most, but hang in there, you will work through this together at some point, its all a shock. Most parents or people cant beleive or wont believe someone can just forget such an event such as this, but you block you out, and youre memory somehow gets triggered. This is a revelation per say, and its a lot to swallow for everyone. I hope you will find the help you need to get through this one.

[King Zarathu]

i love my dad... and LeagueLegend you are right--he is more loving and caring than my mom is. he was also abused as a child and he told me this, his case was far worse. he talks to me and i get to release a lot of this by talking with him, and my psychologist helps me a lot.

most of the time, when i'm forced to do something i don't want to do, it triggers an anger inside me because the older boys forced me to do things that i didn't want to do. and it happened in a bathroom--a while ago i went to court because of an arson event that was because i was trying to "burn the memory"
~this is all according to my psychologist

squirrley i'm really sorry it happened to you--how bad was it? and..this is gonna sound silly.. are you male or female?

[squirrley]

Im a gal. And yea it was hell when it came to me, I can remember today EVERY detail of it. I see him now and I cringe. I try to avoid it as much as possible. BUT Ive faced it myself and dealt with it myself. I worked through it and feel fine. Ive NEVER approached him, and wont. I have forgiven him in my own mind and heart. Its easier to forgive but not forget. I will never forget, but I dont dwell either. Its not healthy.

One day I truly feel what comes around goes around ya know? Call it karma or whatever you want, but good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people, may not be around to witness it, but I have faith I am a good person, and people like that will get what they deserve in life, I dont wish it, I just know it.

So, I guess my advice to you is to continue seeing your counselor and work through it. Its great you have one parent on your side at this point, and somewhere in your sessions it will come to be the lack of support your mom has at this point. And you will need to face that as well, but please keep in my mind, being a mother myself, when your child is hurt in ANY way, a mother feels more guilt than you could ever imagine.

[King Zarathu]

thanks for the advice, i'll keep it in mind..

i like moms--i flirt with my g/f's mom and it drives her crazy cuz she flirts back