quite depressing

[HopelssRomantic]

there is this guy.....lets call him..um...pascal.

ive had a crush on pascal for a while...and he knows that. honestly...weve had sex. (friends with benefits type thing.)

today..he told me that he had sex with another girl -over text messaging-. (which is alright..cuz we arent dating)

and he still wants to be friends with benefits. (i kinda turned him down.)

text convo:

Pascal:is that bad
Tiffany: is that a question? you know i have a crush on you right?
Pascal: i know..and i dont want to hurt you, but i just simply dont wanna date (which he has made clear on several occasions)
Tiffany: well i know that! thats why im hopeless.
Tiffany: im not hurt. just a little sad. its alright. im not upset.
Pascal: are you actually okay with us being friend with benefits? (which was clear to me from the start...so its ok.)
Tiffany: im ok with being friends.
Pascal: i wanna give you a hug.
Tiffany: why?
Pascal: because i give people i care about hugs.
Tiffany: i could use a hug...
Tiffany: im by your house, want me to stop by?
Pascal: sure, call me when your out front

then i went over..and we made casual conversation..nothing about the previous one..and he gave me a bunch of really long loving hugs. then i get back in the car to go home

Tiffany: thank you.
Pascal: no problem
Tiffany: i want you to know..i still have a crush on you.
Pascal: i know.

background on pascal:

really sweet guy...not an ass at all..been hurt by some girls before...chooses not to date....has A LOT of really awesome qualities. great person. great friend. i have no interest in bad talking him on here...
keep in mind i am going to have a crush on him...no matter what.

i have no interest in dating him...i just want him to have a crush on me back.

i still want to be friends with benefits...but then again..i dont..im just so confused....

i simply want to know...where i go from here..

i knew that i was setting myself up to be hurt..i always seem to do that.

[King Zarathu]

i have no interest in dating him...i just want him to have a crush on me back.

Um.. why? That's ****ing pointless!

i still want to be friends with benefits...but then again..i dont..im just so confused....

If you don't know, who does?

i simply want to know...where i go from here..

Forget about him, try to move on.

i knew that i was setting myself up to be hurt..i always seem to do that.

Bingo! We have a winner. Move on, it's the best thing to do right now. You aren't even interested in dating him, you just want him to "have a crush" on you too? Pointless as a female.

[HopelssRomantic]

your post was harsh..thanks. :|

[Prodigal]

I agree with Zarathu; you have to move on. Honestly, he's playing you. He just wants to be friends with benefits.

If you want to give it one last shot, you have to be blunt with him: either go out with me, or leave it. There is NO in-between.

But if I were you, I wouldn't give him the light of day. He seems like one of those guys who acts nice to get what he wants.

Think about it: he's 'really sweet and not an ass at all', yet he keeps girls to be 'friends with benefits' with? **** that.

[HopelssRomantic]

you guys arent understanding.......he is a really great person...hes not like that...i still like him...

i want to know how to act tommorrow...i want to know...how do i get him to see how great i am?


its not like im one of millions.....i was just one of one...untill today.

please dont say anything mean about him....he is awesome.

[Prodigal]

You may think we're being harsh, but we're doing that because we're trying to help you.

Please answer me this, if you're so set on your opinion: If he is such a great guy, then why does he want to continue being friends with benefits with you when he KNOWS you like him much more than that??

And you are 'one of one'. But honestly, I don't think he sees you as that. I think he just sees you as another 'friend with benefits'.

[HopelssRomantic]

Please answer me this, if you're so set on your opinion: If he is such a great guy, then why does he want to continue being friends with benefits with you when he KNOWS you like him much more than that??

he doesnt want to date me because his last gf really ****ed with his head. and im going to respect that. i think that he likes me more than that too...but cant brimg himself to open up to someone else again.

[Prodigal]

But why does he want to be friends with benefits with you???

So, he doesn't want to date because of a bad experience with an ex. That's understandable. But he just wants to have sex with you? Think of the term, FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS! It's just use for sex.

Personally, I believe that sex is part of the romance. NOT the other way around. Your screen name implies that you, yourself are a hopeless romantic. What are your romantic beliefs? Would you want your dream guy to be someone who's fine with having friends with benefits and not feel guilt?

I'm a guy, and I would never, ever think of having a friend with benefits. And even if i were to consider it, it would NEVER be with someone who I know has feelings for me! That is because that would be the ultimate lead-on. All the attention, physical contact etc. would make the friend think that maybe I DO have feelings for her. But when I just want to keep things as 'friends with benefits', that means I don't.

Still think he's a great guy?

[HopelssRomantic]

point taken.

[Prodigal]

If you want, you can talk to me on AIM about this. I really want to help you. My sn is extrastage4peeps. I think things will be quicker that way.

[dreamer101]

he doesnt want to date me because his last gf really ****ed with his head. and im going to respect that. i think that he likes me more than that too...but cant brimg himself to open up to someone else again.

wow.. i've never met anyone become so blinded by someone.
look, if his last gf ****ed up his head, that is exactly what he is doing to you right now. open your eyes for ****s sake. "my ex burnt me, so i don't want to date you, but still want to **** you". i'm surprised you still have a crush on this guy. if you want him to see how great you are, then show some pride in yourself and tell him to piss off. he only sees you as an easy lay.

the guys got some balls. He literally asked you to let him **** you! friends with benefits! pfft, please .. i've never heard of that being agreed out loud like that.

run as far away as you can from him and warn everybody else too. thats my 2cents.

[jurupa]

HopelssRomantic - What the hell are you doing? You live in California, a lot of guys are like this, especially in SoCal. You should know better. I bet he is most probably talking to his male friends about you by now and how it went down.

[HopelssRomantic]

HopelssRomantic - What the hell are you doing? You live in California, a lot of guys are like this, especially in SoCal. You should know better. I bet he is most probably talking to his male friends about you by now and how it went down.

i dont believe that. hes not like the fake people here..he is down to earth..he is a rare breed.

[King Zarathu]

Wow.

Why the hell would you waste your time asking for advice if what we're going to tell you is "2 harsh n stufz, lol?" Take the advice or just don't post.

Judging by the fact that you're obviously a completely confused and lost person, seeking out for somebody when all you want is for him to have feelings for you (which wouldn't really go anywhere, anyway), I suggest the latter of the two.

It doesn't matter how much of a great guy he is, the point is that you are attached and you should not be for your sake; so we supplied you with a method of getting unattached. Sit down.

If you look back, you'll notice how many hundreds and hundreds (literally) of times we have told people that friends with benefits is a terrible idea, because some idiot ends up liking the other person.

Were we wrong then? No, and we're not wrong now. Take the advice and be on your way.

[Cybog]

Well, I'm seeing things differently in this thread.

The guy has been brutally honest with you from the beginning. You KNOW all he wants (if anything) is friends with benefits. If you don't like it - don't lead him on or have that sort of relationship, plain and simple. YOU are the one spreading your legs, KNOWING that nothing is going to come out of it other than a quick lay.

Don't be so harsh on the guy for telling you like it is, and being upfront with you about his desires. YOU are the one who needs to either accept that there will never be a relationship, or keep up with the friends with benefits. Just because he grew a pair of balls and said it like it is doesn't make him a bad person. He's not the one in denial here.

i'm surprised you still have a crush on this guy. if you want him to see how great you are, then show some pride in yourself and tell him to piss off. he only sees you as an easy lay.

I know that in the purist Christian fantasy world where you live this doesn't happen, but in the grown up "Adult World" this happens all the time. Just because you hide your true feelings and desires behind titles and senseless relationships that go nowhere doesn't mean the rest of the world is going to follow the same rules.

Is the concept of "just having sex" so hard to understand to you people that it is HIS fault for even suggesting it? Do you people live in a box?

Not everyone wants the baggage and headaches that come with a relationship, and occasionally you might actually find someone who agrees with you.