Why is my ex contacting me?

[confusedude]

About two weeks ago this girl that I had been seeing for a couple of months broke up with me. I was upset at first, but upon looking back at the relationship, it became pretty clear that she was just using me the entire time, and that she had never really treated me that well. When we broke up, I told her quite explicitly that I did not want to hear from her again (she used the whole "I think we would be better as friends" breakup tactic). I resolved never to contact her, deleted her email address along with all old emails from my computer, and erased her phone number from my phone, along with all old call records and text messages from her. I wanted to ensure that I couldn't contact her even if I wanted to so that there would be a clean break.

Anyway, this past Saturday evening she sent me a text message asking me how I was doing and suggesting that we get coffee sometime. I was pretty frustrated to receive it, since it had been a very good day up to that point: I had been very productive at some writing I was working on, had gone for a long jog that morning, and was looking forward to getting together with friends that evening. I was making progress in terms of forgetting about her, and then she has to contact me, even though I told her not to, in order to ask me to do something that I told her that I did not want to do

Ladies, why would she do this? What is her deal? Would I be justified in just ignoring her message (as I have done so far)? If I do ignore it, is it likely that she will try to contact me again? I realize that this girl's actions do not speak for girls in general, but maybe you have some insight as to why she would be contacting me.

[SelflessnHumble]

Call your wireless service provider.
Then, BLOCK her number

She may want to be back with you
She may want to use you
She may want to be your friend.....(All reasons are irrelevant because: you've made it clear)

All you have to do is:
control your emotions
tell her face to face you do not want to see her, talk to her NOR hear from her.
If she asks why? You tell her she dumped you and that for you being friends wasn't good enough for you.
There is nothing confusing about this situation...People cannot be figured out like an episode of Murder She Wrote.
People can be likened to another show: "Unsolved Mysteries."

[smackie9]

If you are done with this b itch, why do you even care why she is doing this. Tell her no and block her number.

[confusedude]

I care not because it will affect my conduct towards this girl in particular (I know that I don't want to see her again). I care because, if I was breaking up with a girl, and she told me that she never wanted to see me again, I definitely would not contact her again, and I don't think many other guys would either. So the fact that this girl for some reason is contacting me suggests that I don't understand something about the way girls think. That is what I am curious about.

Also, should I just ignore her, or should I actually respond to the text by telling her not to contact me?

[xxazurexx]

You wanted a clean break but didn't even think to change your number?...hmmm

Could be any reason why females choose to phone an ex.....it aint something that is unheard of. You aint and won't be the last ex who said 'Don't contact me ever again', yet you were ignored.

Maybe she is missing you
Looking to come back
Maybe she was bored
Maybe the guy she had her eye on, didn't like her back
Maybe the new guy she started dating, dumped her ass for another girl.

Not many exes will take notice, if we tell them 'Don't contact me again'.....

Which is why these forums are full of 'My Ex Contacted Me'...

I've told exes not to contact me ever gain, yet they still made attempts to contact

If you that badly hadn't wanted to hear from her....you would have changed your number, end of!!

You don't send her a text asking her not to contact you.

The best way of letting someone know that you want nothing to do with them, is IGNORE....that sends the message quite clearly.

[SelflessnHumble]

If you that badly hadn't wanted to hear from her....you would have changed your number, end of!!

You don't send her a text asking her not to contact you. The best way of letting someone know that you want nothing to do with them, is IGNORE....that sends the message quite clearly.

Exactly----------------------

[confusedude]

Thanks for all your responses, but, as to changing my number, I've had the same number for several years. If I changed my number, I would have to tell all of my friends, and all of them would have to reprogram their phones. Moreover, they would probably be curious as to why I changed the number, and it just seems ridiculous to change your number to avoid some girl you only dated for a couple of months. She is simply not worth it.

Say you were calling your ex to try to come back to them. What would be most upsetting to you--if the person ignores you altogether, or explicitly tells you off?

[MerryH]

It would be more upsetting for me to be told that he doesn't ever want to see or hear from me again. If he ignored me, then I could convince myself that he never got my message and I'd probably try to contact him again in another way. I'm thinking about this from the perspective of a very selfish person with no boundaries like your ex-girlfriend.

Don't be mean about it though. Just text back, "I told you before that I don't want to hear from you and I haven't changed my mind about that. I'd appreciate it if you didn't contact me again. Thanks." The "thanks" at the end there would really piss me off. Pretty smug. You should use that.

[SelflessnHumble]

Say you were calling your ex to try to come back to them. What would be most upsetting to you--if the person ignores you altogether, or explicitly tells you off?

For one...invoking your friends and family count just so you can avoid changing your number is an excuse. I've used and and so have many others
where we all have intentionally kept the line of communication open "just in case shit happens" -excuse...You've bargained with yourself to make that choice.

2nd, Your question posed -and the answer given will be based on someone's perception and intuition...
For me if an ex kept trying to contact me: let's just say texting her back is inviting her back into your life: regardless of what you think or feel.
Ignoring is the best option BUT just be prepared for the persistent and constant nagging. AND understand since you've left your phone line open to her
possible spamming...you have no room to complain about it now, or down the line.

I told you to block her number from receiving her incoming calls/texts but again, I didn't hear an excuse...
Was it because you still want her to call/text?

Consider one more thing: I always wondered why I would get calls in the middle of the night...
I would get texts with no reply numbers (not a phone) at all kinds of times during the day...GUESS who it was?

My ex GF's -they all were consistent when it came to still wanting me back after I'd long dumped their asses.
Changing my number was the wise thing to do. Keeping it just so you can answer the phone: while you're with someone else is a no no.
Right now, it's no big deal...Just wait until it happens while you're involved. Would it still be ridiculous?

[tom84]

just ignore it. If you are 100% done with her, that is the best thing to do. It will annoy her and she may even send another text or call(don't answer and don't respond) after a day or two, maybe a week or two, she will get the message and she will stop contacting you. But I think it is best to ignore it, don't even respond.

[spiritofjosh]

Personally and honestly I think if you really didn't want her to contact you and were over it, you wouldn't give it a second thought as to her intention. You would of responded "no" and moved on with your day. But you are human after all, your emotions will come up how you don't want them to. Her contacting you was what you least expected and since you obviously had feelings for her your natural instinct had your emotions going ape shit. And saying you have no intention of talking or seeing her again may be what you want but its easier said than done, especially when she's doing the opposite.

Changing your number isn't worth all the trouble but if you really didn't want to see her again you would of said so and forgot about it. Being you're on here just says you're interested in what she has to say or do, and you want people here to tell you what they think she will say/do. What you need to do is pick a side. Go see her or don't, instead of dwelling on middle ground wondering why.

[SelflessnHumble]

Great insight Josh!

[confusedude]

I will readily admit that Josh is right: If a telemarketer calls me, I don't wonder and ask other people why the telemarketer would contact me, and what effect ignoring the call will have on the person. I dated this girl for several months and she broke up with me, so I am curious as to why she is calling, whether she ever thinks about me, whether she wants to get back together, etc. It would be a little different if I had broken up with her and then she called me, since then it seems that the pretty obvious assumption is that she is calling because she misses me. But her calling after she ended it just seems odd. And I am even more curious because I never got a clear reason why she ended the relationship: several weeks prior to the break-up she said--albeit with an awkwardness that suggested that she slipped up and said it spontaneously--that she loved me. So for her to then end the relationship a few weeks later felt weird. The breakup itself, moreover, felt weird. I suspected that she was going to end it before I came over. When I came over, however, she first made out with me for like a half hour, and then broke up with me. Then, as I was leaving, she started trying to kiss me again. It was totally strange, since, again, she was the one who ended the relationship.

So basically I was just curious about what this girl's deal is. Although I will admit that I still think about her, I am confident that I do not want to get back together with her. The reason why I feel this way is that I've found that I've been subconsciously avoiding places where I am likely to run into her, and, upon self-reflection, I really do want to avoid running into her.

In conclusion, I fully admit that I still care and still think about her, but I don't think this means I want to see her again.

[xxazurexx]

You are wanting her to want you again and looking for signs that she regrets the decision to break up/that she wants you back.

Else you wouldn't be enquiring as to why she is texting.

Don't try to kid us otherwise....lol

[confusedude]

That is true: I want her to want me back. But I don't want her back. I just want her to be disappointed.

Perverse, I realize.