Can't get her out of my heart.

[h_k331]

So here is the story of my life, or atleast my relationship life, for the last couple years. I'll start off with a little history before I get into my problem, and I'll try to keep fairly concise. BTW, I'm 23 (male), she's is 20.

Three years ago I met this girl and fell head over heels for her in love with her. We were together for about a year, things went great, then she had to move about 400 miles away. We stayed together long distance after she left, and we'd see each other once a month or so. The plan was for her to move back as soon as she could, hopefully after just a few months. Things didn't end up working out. Six months later she still hadn't come back, and things started falling apart. She had been lying to me about a lot of things after she had left, and she had sex with another guy. Before she had left, I told her the only way I could never be with her was if she ever slept with another guy, so since she had, at that point I was done with the relationship and there was no looking back. But just because I couldn't be with her, didn't mean I didn't still love her and care about her.

It's been almost two years since the break up, and over a year since I've even seen her. Problem is, I'm still not over her. I could never be with her again after she lied to me and cheated on me, but I still love her and care about her just as much as the day she left. Yes, it's been two years and I'm still not over a girl that lied to me and cheated on me.

My problem is that now, even two years after we broke up, I still can't feel anything for any other girl. I've dated a couple other girls this last year, and was even in a relationship for four months, but no matter what I do I don't get feelings for these other girls. The last girl I was with, the one I was in a relationship with for four months, was the perfect girl. She was a student, had a good job, really smart, sweet, absolutely beautiful, and awesome in the bedroom. She was everything I could have wanted in a girl... and in our four months together I never once had emotional feelings towards her.

I try and I try, but no matter what I do, or how perfect of a girl I find, I don't have any emotional feelings them. That is any girl except for the one who lied to me and cheated on me and I haven't even seen for over a year.

I know that I'm never going the be with this girl, and I've accepted that, but I still haven't been able to get over her. I guess I've gotten her out of my head, but I haven't gotten her out of my heart. I want to move on, but I don't know how to get her out of my heart so I can have feelings for another girl. Any thoughts or advice is appreciated. Thanks.

hk

[updraft]

Hi hk;

Well it sounds like you never had any sense of closure with the "first love". Long distance relationships are the hardest and please believe me when I tell you that, as I had my own experience in my late teens.

There is always the trust issue that comes into play....you know that old saying: "when the cats away the mouse will play" rings true in many cases. Some people just cannot help themselves when it comes to temptation. They give in to it and later regret their wrong-doing only to confess to their loved one they had an indiscretion and the trust is broken.

She hurt you immeasurably and in doing so, made you feel bitter towards women. Maybe you don't think so, but it sounds like you have protected yourself emotionally in order to prevent your heart from being trampled on in the future.

Emotional intimacy is a huge part of a relationship and you need to get back on track and open up to these other wonderful girls with whom you could have a very close and meaningful relationship with. Dont' make them pay for your ex-gf's misgivings.

Hope all goes well.

[DarkDwarf]

Sounds like Updraft got it... good luck

[Only-virgins]

Its only going to get worse. Believe me it has nothing to with something retarded like "opening up emotionally"...That just sounds stupid saying it all-ready. What it is ....well...your mind fell for her and untill it randomly happens again with someone else then...your out of luck.

Feels use-less being with these other girls because all you talk about is her?...is that sort of like it?

[mhussain]

let it go my friend .. she did what she thought she wanted ,.. even if u were there all it would have done was delayed her indescrition ... not prevented it ... her cehating on u has no reflection on u as a person ...

the world is what it is and u r what u are ... clinging to her will slice ur heart every time u think about her ... let it go ... i know how hard it is ... and it will not be easy .... u might have to wait for some more time ... but do not destroy what u have in the memory of what u had ...

take care and best of luck

Hussain

[h_k331]

Hi hk;

Well it sounds like you never had any sense of closure with the "first love". Long distance relationships are the hardest and please believe me when I tell you that, as I had my own experience in my late teens.

There is always the trust issue that comes into play....you know that old saying: "when the cats away the mouse will play" rings true in many cases. Some people just cannot help themselves when it comes to temptation. They give in to it and later regret their wrong-doing only to confess to their loved one they had an indiscretion and the trust is broken.

She hurt you immeasurably and in doing so, made you feel bitter towards women. Maybe you don't think so, but it sounds like you have protected yourself emotionally in order to prevent your heart from being trampled on in the future.

Emotional intimacy is a huge part of a relationship and you need to get back on track and open up to these other wonderful girls with whom you could have a very close and meaningful relationship with. Dont' make them pay for your ex-gf's misgivings.

Hope all goes well.

You're probably right about me feeling bitter towards women now. I agree with what you say about emotional intimacy, and that I need to open up to these other girls, but my problem is that I don't know how. Opening up isn't something a person (or at least not myself) can turn on and off like a light switch. I only wish it were that easy.

hk

[h_k331]

Its only going to get worse. Believe me it has nothing to with something retarded like "opening up emotionally"...That just sounds stupid saying it all-ready. What it is ....well...your mind fell for her and untill it randomly happens again with someone else then...your out of luck.

Feels use-less being with these other girls because all you talk about is her?...is that sort of like it?

Been here before? That's very much how I've felt through a lot this. Although instead of thinking it would randomly happen, I thought I just needed to find the perfect girl, and that would make everything better. Well I did find the perfect girl (the one I was with for 4 months), and it didn't change a thing.

I think about her all the time, but I don't find myself talking about her much. I do my best to try to keep her off of my mind, and talking about her only seems to make it worse.

hk

[Only-virgins]

Been here before? That's very much how I've felt through a lot this. Although instead of thinking it would randomly happen, I thought I just needed to find the perfect girl, and that would make everything better. Well I did find the perfect girl (the one I was with for 4 months), and it didn't change a thing.

I think about her all the time, but I don't find myself talking about her much. I do my best to try to keep her off of my mind, and talking about her only seems to make it worse.

hk

Sorry. It was a typo..I meant "think" and not "talk" about her. Love is much more random than most people think and I dont even believe in choice. You are what you are. I will tell you right now that there is no such thing as "letting go". If your mind forces you to think about her then you will. Wont it be a bit hard being with someone other then her and thinking about her?. The "perfect" girl is not a girl that has "perfect" qualities but rather just makes you happy. If you think of someone else while being with a girl then the girl you are with is not perfect for you. You cant just "get over it"...only time apart cures love and sometimes it can be painfully long. I dont know what feelings you have towards her but I just took a wild guess and assumed they are what I said.

[true_love]

You my friend have what some of might refer to as an emotional detachment disorder. Your scared of something good happening to you and when it does you push it away. You will find someone that makes you feel good about yourself and who you trust. Remember.....your so much better than your ex girlfriend. She cheated on you and your a better person because of it. Now you know what girls to stay away from. That's all. Sounds to me that girl was immature for her age and wasn't emotionally equipped to deal with a relationship. Your young. Enjoy life.

[mhussain]

only he who has felt ultimate pain can njoy ultimate bliss

Hussain