Another one bites the dust

[spiri]

I comming out from another brake up and i feel the need to talk to someone.
I`m new in here ,this is my forst post and i hope my future posts will have a bit of happines in my words. Probably my english is not that perfect but i hope i will be able to me myself understood for the ones who will have a few minutes to spare and maybe even give a reply back.
First of all i`m a 24 years old male, from a distant country, still atending school, colege, i have a buissines of my own and i work at another firm.
By now one will think that i would be imune to this kind of things, but it seams that by time goes by it`s more harder and harder.
My flow is that i put everything in a relation if i love the gorl, or if i think a can have something nice with her. I not bad looking, i had planty of relations but 3 of them i think defined the person i am now.
A few years ago i broke up with my ex girl, witch i was supposed to marry at that time. She had tha ring, the parents know, it was just a metter of time. In the first years of our relation we lived togheter and than she had to leave back home because she finhished school and to practice as an notaire. The distance or i don`t know what really happend drew her away from me. Finaly we broke up after 1 year.
For two years i had her image in my had, in every girl i dated i looked for her, but never couldn`t find it.
Now if i think of this i think i was cought up in some big depresion and since than never got passed it. I had in the last two months a brake because i`ve meet the one i have to say good by again.
It came into a moment that even sex couldn`t make with a girl unles i was very distracted, everythime i was with one , in my mind was like i was cheating on someone.
I tryed all, got friends around me, fammily, computer games, work, school, but nothing was able to heal my soul.
On new years eve all i wished for the next year was a girl to love and to be loved as much as i can offer without, to have someone by my side. To have someone whom to drink coffe in the morning, to have someone to kiss in the night when i wake up... the whole 9 yards.
I tought i have found it, and after 1 week i`ve got inloved. She didn`t want to get more emotional but i didn`t care because love is not something you plan on. One night she said to me that she feels she is falling for me and than i told her that i loved her.
From that moment on something wasn`t the same. She cared about me but in the same time she didn`t let emotion to get to her.
Finaky we broke up, we stayed friends for a week, we saw each other everyday we enjoyed the moments spent with each other, and after a week in a moment of weeknes i toled her that i want more and that i coultn`t go like this no more. It wasn`t my words that made me loose any chance of getting back but i think that the idea that she can have me anytime and that i still love her.
Atm i`m on medication , i want to try to get back on my life, i have some antidepresives.
I`m the kind of person who gaved 300 roses to a girl, i got a chocholate every day for her just to get her a small smile.

Can`t write more atm, it`s hard to look back, even if it`s just to get something of your chest.
I salute you all, and wish you a loving week.

[Justplaying5050]

I know it can be very hard sometimes especially when the person just doesnt show as much affection for you as you do for her, it can deffinitely be hard for 'romantics' to find compatible partners because they just want the other person to love them as much as you love them which can be hard due to huge shows of affection.


I notice you say you really seem to put your heart on the line in these relationships, and that is good because in life pain is unavoidable so why not go all the way. When you give a relationship everything the payoff is enormous and you can fall deeply inlove, but the downside is that if it doesnt work out you will probably be left feeling a lot of pain. time will heal your scars and im confident that you will find another woman for you.

[spiri]

Don`t know how time really heals this wounds, i really think maybe lifes gives someone else in our life to bring us more joy and happines, to forget all the pain.
When i see that my past relations affect me in such a bad way i don`t really what to do. I know is not healty to thing about my deceptions in life, but every way i turn my head i see some of one or some of other. I know that if they would had been the girls for me i wouldn`t be here now and everything would have been good in my life, but i`m in loved with the ideea of having memories and don`t have to take a few minutes to think about them because your life will bring you another happy one every moment. This weekend i`ll go visit the first one i`ve talked about in this post, she is still close to my heart, and i find a good confident in her. I hope she didn`t forgot how to make me smile and maybe i`ll remind myself that this things pass away in time and you can find what you are looking for in the strangest places just when you are expecting them the less.
I`ve spent a few hours in here reading other posts, and i found that it`s a vrey common problem how i got separated this time.
She was surprised about my fellings, and at one moment si said to her self she can`t go more than this. I see it in her eyes that si cares about me , or at least i did untill a few night ago when i wen to her place, invited of course, and toled her that i can``t go with this anymore. She know now even if i havn`t sayd it how deep are my fellings for her. If i would have tryed to read this when my problems started maybe now there wouldn`t be any problems. I should let her go and wait for her to come back to me if she cares about me, but i didn`t want her to slip away out of my life without at least telling her how i felt and shown her.
It sux to be a romantic person in a life where everyone is in a hury, everyone wants something else. For my first relation we ware apart a few hundred kilomiters, we talked over the phone every day, but even so we would write letters to each other every week one or two, real letters, wih paper and stamps.
If i ask 100 girls what they want in life they would said a man who is not boring , who is romantic, smart, well i tryed to be everything they said they want, but in real life is not that easy.
Butterflyes in the stomac only ocour when you are uncertant of something, when you want something and don`t know how toget it, well if i`m all what they want they want fell a butterfly.
Dunno, hve to talk to a shrink, get some medication and when the next girls comes by i`ll be able to offer all this one more time, don`t want to close myself and don`t be able to give it all again.
Again, a loveing week for all the readers.