Boyfriend wants to live apart for a while but still be together

[SuzieQ]

He sprung this on me this morning before he left for work. He still loves me he says and still wants to get married and have kids someday like we've discussed. He's just never lived alone before (neither have I, and I don't want to) and wants to see if he can "make it on his own." We've both been married before and have been together for almost 2 years, a little over a year living together.

I am unemployed currently and would have no where to go. He says he would never kick me out and that when I get a job we would make the decision then. I don't think anything good can come of us living apart. Especially after I get a job, we would have lots more money coming in than if we were paying for 2 separate apartments. He even suggested we live in the same apartment complex and that we could just "visit" each other.

This is all just insane ramblings to me. If he still loves me, shouldn't he want to still want the greeting at the door when he comes home from work? The eating meals together? The going to sleep and waking up next to each other? Should I start making him sleep in the living room?

I kind of hate him right now for even thinking about this. I feel insulted and unloved. There is no good reason for this. Sure we argue sometimes, but once every 4-6 months is not a big deal. Please give me advise.

[VincenzoG91]

I'm guessing that he got married young, and then got together with you too soon after his divorce. So he has never had the chance to live alone, and he has probably fantasized about how great it would be to be a single guy living alone. This is probably really about him not being ready to settle down until he has screwed a variety of women. I think you have the right to be upset about this, but realistically, all you can do is attempt to reason with him, and then really get that job search going, so you won't be dependent on his whims.

[WICKED THOUGHTS]

I say give him what he wants. imo Ya, it may sound stupid to u.. but, not to him. Let him figure it for himself and he will realize what his missing with u. Good luck

[SuzieQ]

I'm guessing that he got married young, and then got together with you too soon after his divorce.

We got together 4 years after his divorce and he lived with his parents the whole time he was married and after. His mother died and he had to move across the country to live with other relatives. We started dating, he got kicked out from their house and he came to live with me and my family. Now it's just the 2 of us alone in an apartment where we can decorate the way we like, walk around naked if we want to, and basically just have the run of the place. He complains that people say he's "too easy" and that he wants to find out what it's like to form his own opinions and thoughts. But he can do that here and I've never held him back from doing what he wants to do.

And yes, I've been looking for a job now for the last year. I just know something will come up soon though.

[RdHrshyKss]

that really sucks. this might be his way of preparing you for the inevitable. maybe he just isn't ready to settle down again, is having second thoughts and wants to go about separating himself slowly. i'm sure he cares about you, since he's being honest about this and isn't trying to throw you out, but these aren't the types of thoughts that would go through the mind of someone who is ready to settle down again. better to go through this before you get married, right?

[adam95]

yeah, he just didn't get any time to live on his own and he probably wants to experience it. he is honest to you about it so i dont think he wants a break from you or anything.
but honestly, if i loved someone so much, i don't think id care about that. but thats just me.

[besupportive]

hiya - im going through a similar thing right now and was curious to see how you had gotten on with yours? i feel very hurt, rejected, dissapointed and confused about it all......

how did you guys get on? still together? x

[devonbrown]

He probably just wants to prove to himself that he can be okay on his own, no matter what happens. Living with someone his entire life he probably hasn't had a chance to really examine his ability to be responsible, etc.

You are assuming his thoughts are because he doesn't want to be with you, but I can definitely see where it has more to do with him than with your relationship. He is telling you about his thoughts and is being very honest and open with you. That is a good thing.

Keep your communication with him open and don't jump to conclusions about why he wants this. Let him explain it to you and let him answer your questions. Be fair to him.

Good luck.

[shopstartuk]

hiya - im going through a similar thing right now and was curious to see how you had gotten on with yours? i feel very hurt, rejected, dissapointed and confused about it all......
,
how did you guys get on? still together? x

Hi, me too, but my situation is different. After being together for nearly 2 years and very happy, my girlfriend now wants us to live apart. We both came out of failing marriages. She has a 17 year old daughter who was living with her dad and stepmum but they fell out so she moved in with us. Now, my partner wants to be independant and support her daughter on her own. I want to be there for both of them but her daughter doesn't want me there. She says this is something she has never done and she needs space and time to do it, she has recently got a good job that takes her away at times. I too feel rejected and confused but she said I need to let her do it otherwise I will lose her. She said she will still spend several nights a week with me but she doesn't want me staying over at hers so as not to rock the boat with her daughter.

I really would appreciate advice from anyone and would be interested how other people are getting on in the same or simiar situation.