Ultimate sacrifice

[Rabbitt]

Hello guys its me again


People told me I had the Knight in shining armor syndrome, and I realized I had it.
I tried to fix up a girl with serious sex abuse, and it resulted in complete chaos.


2 days ago the girl called me that her former loverboy called her and he wanted to meet up with her, I advised her not to, after having this problem posted in the forum and realizing that the best thing I could do was go to the police and atleast inform them about a criminal on the loose thats trying to get girls into prostitution.


When I was there, the police actually told me that the girl NEVER had any history or any contact with loverboys and such. while this girl CLAIMED to me for years that this had been done to her and that. I fully believed this..

But yesterday the police told me with hard facts that she had never been in those situations. atleast not with police involved, but the girl claimed she had detectives at home etc etc.


So i called her after trying to get in touch with her in several ways, I told her on the phone that I knew everything, that I had done something I know she would not like.

I told her I went to the police and they had told me about her and her none happened past.
SHE TOTALLY flipped out on me, she called me insults with diseases that I will not repeat on the internet.
She later called me like 13 times when she was home, she said I was never to be trusted again I completely screwed the friendship, she doesnt want to talk to me ever again and she keeps claiming that everything DID happen to her.

I told her that I did this because i was concerned for her safety, and I knew that she would be angry but I didn't expect it this hard, not this extreme , the stuff she said, its still stinging like a knife stuck in your ribcage.

She was the first girl I ever fell in love with, it's her hair, her skin how she is when she's with me that makes the world a great place to live on, i've known her for 5 years.

When she said those things yesterday, she called me selfish that I went to the police for personal gains that hit me hard, I cried for hours yesterday, I couldnt stop thinking about what she said, how is it selfish when reporting it to the police knowing it would cut my connections with her selfish??? it's left permanent damage in my mind and heart.

The only thing that is still making me sad is that I will never see her face again, I will never have a shot with her again to make her my girl my wife , the mother of my children, waking up next to her its those things I will miss so dearly that my heart feels like its gushing out blood.

If you really love someone,, you need to be able to let them go? Right??

I need advice from you people I really do, where do I go from here? what to do now??? Did I do the right thing? or did I make a mistake?

Yours sincerely

[Looq]

[URL="http://www.loveforum.net/ask-female-forum/52577-pathological-lying-girl-i-just-found-out.html"]See this topic. [/URL]

[Rabbitt]

I am the same person and it's my topic and I thank you for your comment Looq I really appreciate it.
Yesterday it ended in total disaster, my sister in law called me internationally to comfort me.

you are right its better to move on alone

[Spring Haze]

You are blinded by "love." You dodged a bullet, although right now it may not seem that way. What kind of wife and mother would she make anyway?

She is twisting around what actually happened - SHE "screwed" the friendship by lying about extremely serious issues, not you. Hopefully you didn't apologize to her.

[Rabbitt]

Hopefully you didn't apologize to her.

I didn't apologize for my actions, she said: do you even know what kind of consequences this has for me? I said sorry if this narrows some freedom for you but I did what I thought was right and I stuck with that.

[Horseyguy]

Having read both threads on this I'm really not sure what to make of it all.

Firstly I don't believe for one moment the police would have divulged to you any details of any past or current investigation involving your girlfriend so I just don't believe any of the "police said this" part of the thread

Putting that aside, I'm not really sure why you even spoke to the Police, nothing in your post indicates that she was in danger, just that you were concerned about her safety because she was catching up with an ex / pimp / whatever (A choice she was happy to make)

So because you dind't like that idea, you basically stomped all over her privacy and betrayed her in the process for what???

She wasn't asking for your help, didn't want it and didn't need it. Shining Knight syndrome is based on helping someone who has a genuine problem it's not helping someone who YOU just happen to THINK needs you to help them when they don't. That's not shining knight syndrome, that annoying interfering idiot on a horse syndrome.

This is pure 100% controlling behaviour on your part, that's why she is pissed at you and rightly so

You have done nothing to "save her" here, just isolated her, caused her to distrust you and no longer be able to confide in you, you have gone charging in with the vain hope of saving her and achieved nothing

If she does really need help you have blown any chance of being able to facilitate that now, maybe next time you actually want to save someone from themselves you might want to try a more supportive and less emotional approach

[Rabbitt]

Having read both threads on this I'm really not sure what to make of it all.

Firstly I don't believe for one moment the police would have divulged to you any details of any past or current investigation involving your girlfriend so I just don't believe any of the "police said this" part of the thread

Putting that aside, I'm not really sure why you even spoke to the Police, nothing in your post indicates that she was in danger, just that you were concerned about her safety because she was catching up with an ex / pimp / whatever (A choice she was happy to make)

So because you dind't like that idea, you basically stomped all over her privacy and betrayed her in the process for what???

She wasn't asking for your help, didn't want it and didn't need it. Shining Knight syndrome is based on helping someone who has a genuine problem it's not helping someone who YOU just happen to THINK needs you to help them when they don't. That's not shining knight syndrome, that annoying interfering idiot on a horse syndrome.

This is pure 100% controlling behaviour on your part, that's why she is pissed at you and rightly so

You have done nothing to "save her" here, just isolated her, caused her to distrust you and no longer be able to confide in you, you have gone charging in with the vain hope of saving her and achieved nothing

If she does really need help you have blown any chance of being able to facilitate that now, maybe next time you actually want to save someone from themselves you might want to try a more supportive and less emotional approach

You do not think she has a genuine problem? If you would have read my other thread you would know that she also cuts herself as a way to release emotional pain.


She was in danger because;

A. He wants to meet her alone
B. He had previously tried to ship her off to germany
C. He's blackmailing her because he says he still has pornographic material of her
D. He said that she is still in his papers and that she owes him
E. Above all other things, this man brings girsl into PROSTITUTION, meaning he gets money for the sex they have with men.

If doing the math:

If she goes there it could be the biggest mistake of her life possibly resulting in abuse, extortion worst case kidnapping

I've known this girl for 5 years, and everytime she told me problems I stayed out of it, but when she told me this it's that much more of a problem because it still HAD to happen, and if you could prevent that wouldn't you..

Yes it was a breach in her privacy and in her trust but I believe I did the right thing, I knew it in advance that I would lose her so this is NOT an act to get control over her. The very first thing I lost was control over her because I WAS her best friend and I already HAD control

[Horseyguy]

Well I'm confused, because you said the police told you that none of those things actually happened

You can't argue that she's at risk because of all this bad stuff happened and then also argue that none of it did actually happen and she's lying about it all

Either way she specifically asked you not to get involved but you decided to anyway and you achieved nothing in the process other than pissing her off

Well good on you for trying, no doubt you thought you were doing the right thing, but seems to me you played your only card way too early and are now out of the game and no longer in a position to help her and have just left her further exposed

I guess it's all a mute point now

In answer to your original question, I think you made a mistake by involving the police because you are no longer in a position to help her, which I'm assuming was the point of all this

And where can you go from here?

If you want to continue to help her all you can do is try and talk to her and explain why you did what you did and hope she understands it's because you were worried and care about her and hopefull you can retain enough of a friendship to help her moving forward

If you donlt want to continue to help her, then walk away and let her clean up her own mess

It's not really your problem at the end of the day, she has to be responsible for her own decisions, if she's that messed up, hopefully she will get some professional help

[Rabbitt]

Yes thats correct I will quote their exact words:

I'm sorry to tell this but there is no record of contact with loverboys whatsoever:

Me: Wait what? there's no detectives and phone tapping?

No, she has never had any investigations going on concerning loverboys and prostition, the only things she has on her record is a restraining order for a relationship that went slightly off the track but nothing serious.

Me: I can show the email she sent me last year, she said she had almost been kidnapped.

Sorry, there has never been any investigation.

Me: So if I have to draw a conclusion out of your information then..

You have been pranked, or she is a pathological liar. Maybe there even has been abuse, but there was never police involved or any other form of authority.


-----

This is the exact conversation I had with the police.

Maybe I shouldnt have done it, maybe you are right about it. But it feels like it's the best thing I could have done at the time because now that I think of it I recall some things that she said.


Her: I miss the excitment sometimes
Her: Fine fine, i'll ignore him
Her in email: Friends who know about this are cutting me out of their lives.
Her: you are the only one who knows about this,, except for my parents ofcourse.
Her on phone during the angry convo: Now I have to tell my parents everything about guys, i had my parents their trust and now its gone thanks to you.

In which I replied; if your parents dont trust you then that could never be my fault:

Her: yeah it is, I lied to them and didnt tell them about this now they dont trust me again.

Me: you should have told it , it's your fault any straight thinking person would tell their parents and ask for help.

Her: You just went to far with this I dont want to see you ever again, if i do see you i swear the god I can just do something to you.


This is all precise information you get from me.


I DO want to help her, but she DOESNT want me in her life anymore, and truth be told it feels like the wheight is off my shoulders.

I guess im indeed going on mute, ive talked about it to friends and family and they all agreed that the best thing to do is have no contact with her and hope she figures out what she has done and said. if she is smart enough and cares enough about me she will come to me.

After all i've been her best friend for years. or so she said anyway


I do find some truth in your previous post though, I may have rushed in it a bit but I know it was the right thing to do, who knows what would have happened otherwise?

I may have saved her, I may have made it worse, But who knows what that pimp criminal or whatever is going to do next? Actually spread that porn material of her? if it's even there ofcourse.


At this point I believe the police, yet she still makes me doubt a bit. because you are right though the police just doesnt hand out information like that, but if they didnt why did they tell me about her record with a guy she had dated before?

[Horseyguy]

Mate, you have to seriously ask yourself if all this is worth it? Is she worth it?

Sure she's your best friend, yeah I know you like her etc but dude!!! think this through

She's being lying to you she's admitted that much, but to what extent I don't think you will ever know

These problems are hers, don't make them yours!! be there for her when it all blows up, empathise with her situation, try and advise her or whatever, sure, but don't start taking on her issues and don't start trying to fix stuff because she's not thanking you for it

All I can see is you getting hyper emotional about someone elses problems, let them deal with it and if they need your help let them ask for it, but take a step back before you do your own head in

[Horseyguy]

And I'll add, I know you are just trying to help and I can see you care but sometimes if you really want to help about someone you care about you have to take a step back, let them take responsibility for their actions and decisions even if you don't agree with them and just be there for them regardless of what happens. If you can't do that then for your own good you have to walk away. trust me on this, no good will come of the approach you are taking right now

[Rabbitt]

alright, I agree.


I'll back away from her for a while , let her have some space some time to think.

You think this is the best thing I can do?


And what if she calls me?

[Horseyguy]

Answer the phone?

I'm not suggesting you never talk to her again, although personally walking away completely is probably the most sensible option, what I'm saying is if you want to be there for her as a friend you might want to just step back a bit. If she phones you and asks for advice then give her it, but it's up to her if she takes it or not

There is a difference between being there for someone and taking on their issues, you can be a friend without being so "hands on" that's what she has the issue with, that you are too involved and meddling and whilst you are doing that, you can't help her

Is still think you should just walk away though to be honest

[Rabbitt]

Thankyou, I am prepared to let her go.
Should she call i'll do as you advised me.


And you are right, all of her baggage is emotionally heavy for me too. it's unhealthy.

Im walking away

[anonymoususer]

you should let her go if she dont appriciate what you have done for her, eventough she dont like it than she isnt worth it. i would be happy if somebody would show that kindness for me and being so concerned about me . move on and remember what this did to u, than make further actions.

don't put everything else before yourself thats my advice x