im lost in life, please help

[ad241233]

This will be a long read, but any advice anyone could give would be much appreciated. I believe I am in a very desperate situation. I met a girl about nearly 3 years ago. We were studying from home and had the same subjects; she was living about 100 miles away from me. We thought we would keep in touch to try and help each other with our studies. As time progressed, a few months down the line we talked much more regularly and developed feelings for one another. About 5 months after meeting she confessed she loved me. We started a relationship and became very close to one another. I also fell in love with her. We would talk on the phone every night for hours, and began to meet. I would travel to her city as often as possible to see her. She’s from a strict family so her parents would be unhappy about us, therefore it was me that would make the effort to go and see her when she was free. Things progressed until the summer of 2008.

During this time she started work, where she met a guy who showed her a lot of attention. And they began to flirt and contact each other. During this period I found she stopped talking to me as often, and when I attempted to call her, her phone would be busy most of the time. This went on for a few weeks and broke my heart. She also called me and said she couldn’t be in a relationship at the moment. Feeling totally dejected, I stopped making an effort. When she noticed that I was drifting away, she realized what she had been doing and became very sorry. She cut off contact with the guy, although the guy wasn’t being particularly nice to her at the time either. I figured she had made a mistake and learnt from it and decided to give us another try.

We both got our grades and made it into university. Though we were still 100 miles apart, I remember my first year at university I gave her my undivided attention. She was struggling to make friends and not particularly enjoying her time. As a result I would be calling her talking to her when I was not at lectures. I remember I did not make many friends either as I would always prioritise her e.g. staying home and talking instead of going out. I was happy doing this though as we had talked about getting married and having children once we had passed our degree

Around February of 2009, she met someone from University who she spent a lot of time with. He was very strange. He said he appreciated she was with someone for near 2 years but within 2 days of knowing her promised her he would always be there for her and never hurt her. She also claimed he was just a friend when I got worried by these actions. Though within about 6 days of them knowing each other she cried on the phone with me saying that I ‘should take her away and she doesn’t want to fall in love with him”. The next day, my mother broke her arm in an accident and was hospitalised. This girl knew that the 2 most important in my life were her and my mother, and I had always been there for her throughout any problems she had during our relationship. She claimed I was her rock and I helped her with everything. Yet when I needed her, the first time I really needed her, she was too busy talking to this new guy on the phone. The next 2 weeks I was with my mother at hospital. This girl, who normally called me at around 11-12 every night, now called me at around 3 in the morning, and would fall asleep after 5 minutes.

Later she confessed that she had kissed the new guy. A few days later I called her to say I couldn’t take this anymore and I felt we should end our relationship. She started to cry hysterically and said she was very sorry, and she didn’t want to be around his company and would back off. I caved in and agreed to stay, mainly because I really loved this girl and was very attached to her. Over the next couple of weeks she said she wasn’t talking to him as much at all, yet she wasn’t really talking as much as she used to with me either. I went to see her, travelling 5 hours, as that’s how long it normally took. At this point I caught her calling him, which totally went against what she had been saying. On this day I felt that I finally would give up on our relationship. After this I stopped making any effort to talk to her. At this point she would start making a lot more effort to talk to me and would cry down the phone saying she was unbelievably sorry and she was influenced badly by him and the people around her.

She begged for another chance, one last chance and that she would do anything to make me happy, and never do anything to break my heart again. Unfortunately I had suffered a lot and I told her I didn’t think I’d be able to be with her again. From April onwards we would still talk, a lot more now, she had completely cut off contact with the other guy and would try and convince me to get back together. I felt I needed time to see if she had changed truly. Summer passed, and university started about 2 an a half months ago. I started to believe that she had matured and changed. I wanted to see her behavior at university where she would be in the proximity of guys and temptation. I truly still loved her a lot and wanted that future with her, but I wanted to be secure about her fidelity.

She continued to tell me she loved me so much and wanted to be with me no matter what. A few days ago we were supposed to meet where I would tell her that my heart had healed from previous episodes and I wanted to get back with her. But before we met, she told me online that she had been seeing a new guy at university for the last month, holding hands and kissing him. She claimed that she meant it when she wanted to get back with me but she doesn’t know why she does what she does. I am devastated. I don’t understand why someone would try and convince someone so hard to be with them for 8 months, and be seeing another person.

I feel totally worthless, like I am nothing. She’s broken my heart 3 times yet I feel so hurt and upset at the thought of losing her. I spent the best part of 3 years in her company and made her central to my future, so much, that I cannot imagine a life without her. She claims that I am the best thing that ever happened to her but she treated me the worst. I need to be able to let go but I don’t have the strength within me to do so. I tried my hardest and did everything that I could to make her happy but she just keeps running off to other guys. She even had the audacity to say that she’ll leave university so she’s away from these people, and that in a year when I’ve graduated and we get married everything will be ok.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like I need to go but I can’t let her go, I’m depressed and I feel like I’m losing my mind. When I think of not hearing her voice or speaking to her again I feel such loneliness and hurt, yet if I continue in her life, I feel that she’ll just cause more heartache.

[James1388]

It was not meant to be. I am in a very similar situation, although a little more unique. I am going to tell you that there is someone else out there for you. I sware to you that you were not meant to be together. I never cried before she broke up with me but I do all the time now. I am a mess. But you have to pick up the pieces and move on with your life. She is a person that you really care about and will always care about her as a person. A relationship will most likely not work. Maybe in 10 years you will both be diffferent but right now you have to think about yourself and find someone else. It is SO HARD to do I know. I am in the same boat. But you have to force yourself to do it because you will never be happy unless you find happiness in yourself.

I will never forget my ex. I would give anything to go back to the way it was and get back with her but she is not right for me (definitely for atleast a couple years maybe forever). There are a lot of girls out there that would kill to find someone like you.