Should I forgive her?

[pagemaestro]

My gf was getting close to a guy over the past few months. Spending a lot of time with him. Our relationship was suffering physically and I didn't know the reason why - though I suspected.

Recently, she admitted to me she had feelings for him and that she had told him as much. I was really hurt. We decided that we were going to spend some time apart (but to stay in a relationship). Because this guy was in her circle of friends, she was bound to see him, however the other night she met up with this guy, they hugged and he kissed her.

I got really angry about this, because she had allowed herself to get close to him, and so I told her we were finished. Well, that night she invited that guy around to her place, she got drunk and they kissed some more. When I called her the next day and told her I had calmed down a bit, she confessed to me that she had kissed him.

Now she is bitterly sorry, crying so much and tells me she has probably ruined things with us and blown her chance with me. She says things can't be the same with us as she's gone too far and she wishes she could take it all back.

Do you think I should try to work past this? I love her so much. We have been in a rel for almost 7 years, and other than this, things had been going great...

She has been honest with me, I guess. She says she would love for things to be the way they were and that our love is worth much more than this, but also that a part of her would like to be with this guy.

[HeartIsAching]

She hasn't been honest with you. She did more than kiss him if he came over to her place, I'm certain of it.

You'd be an idiot to believe her.

[pagemaestro]

She hasn't been honest with you. She did more than kiss him if he came over to her place, I'm certain of it.

You'd be an idiot to believe her.

You may be right.

For the sake of argument let's assume she kissed him and it went no further - Even then, how do you view the situation?

[HeartIsAching]

On the one hand, you told her you were through, and what she did followed that...

On the other hand, she kissed him right in front of you, AND she's already emotionally cheated on you.

Personally, I'd be done.

[pagemaestro]

Well I wasn't there when she met up with him. I've never met this guy, despite that he's one of her friends (now I know the reason why).

But you're right, it's been months of emotional cheating.

Thanks for your reply, appreciate your input.

[bluesummer]

If someone I was with told me that 'part of them wanted to be with someone else', I'd show their ass the door. It's all or nothing, and no one should ever accept less.

[VincenzoG91]

You can't forgive her until either she quits seeing this guy or you give up on her. I think that you should give up on her, and also stop kidding yourself about how good the relationship has been in recent years.

[shymaira]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. It's not an easy thing to do, given 7 years with her, but I think the right decision is easy....the action itself is hard. I've had a ex-friend who cheated on her boyfriend with a "guy friend" for about 5 years...and it was disgusting and ugly. Once a cheater, always a cheater is definitely a catchy phrase for a reason.

If it were me, I would never take her back. I would lose my trust in her. Her actions speak louder than words, and she doesn't respect you the way you deserve. Unless you've cheated or even thought about cheating on her, or you're okay with an "open relationship" ...dump her. She's not worth it. You're biggest mistake would be pretending that you two could live happily ever after.

[Boisdevie]

She has checked out of your relationship. Time to move on

[pagemaestro]

Thanks to everyone for the replies.

Yeah it was really fast how she got with him. She said she thought she had blown her chances with me so she reached out to someone, because she was so upset. Said there were no tongues involved, and I know she is the really timid type, because it took a while for us to get to the next stage, etc, but seriously...

A girl friend of mine said that the reason she might have done that is because she was so hurt with losing me, she needed male attention.

But come on...that quickly? I can't imagine ever doing that...especially knowing that she was so hurt already. It's like she gave up on me so easily. I know I said some harsh things like I didn't want her anymore, but I was so mad...

I regret ever saying that. I am a complete mess right now.