I want to see if this causes a stir or not

[Pins]

I posted these on another board, and got slammed for them. Just wondering if I'm dealing with the jaded or not over there. Thought, please!

***Dating Guidelines***

- Dating is NOT a game. Don't play it like one. Dating games are designed to remove the autonomy of the other person involved in dating, and unfair to the other person in the dating relationship. It's paramount to manipulation. And even if you're good at the game, NOBODY wants to end up with a manipulator.

- For God's sake, dating is a grown-up endeavor. If you're still at the point where you want to play games, join a chess league and stay the hell away from dating. These are people's HEARTS we're talking about here. This is the MOST personal thing we do. Don't **** around with somebody's affections. This is not about winning or losing. EVER.

- If you feel the dating field is uneven, do the inside work. People don't start dating just so they can manipulate other people. They start dating so they can find somebody to love. If you're too cynical to believe that, you need therapy. Get it before you date.

- Dating is scary. It is the pursuit of the most basic of human needs. Of course it's scary! It makes you nervous. Don't go freaking out just because you're on a date, or the relationship is getting to a part that's more scary than is inside your comfort zone. But don't try to act cool when you're not. It's OK to be nervous or scared. Just be honest about it.

- Be honest with whomever you date. Being honest is difficult. That doesn't excuse you from being honest.

- Be brave when you date. If you're too much of a chicken shit to give somebody a fair chance or to be honest with that person, stay the hell out of the game and do some more work on yourself.

- Date one person at a time. Give each person a fair shake without having the distraction of other people in there messing up the equation.

- Be prepared to meet people that will treat you like crap, lie, or try to manipulate you. Hopefully, we've learned from our experiences, but you can't count on the fact that everyone has the benefit of your experiences. Plus, the young and the emotionally immature will attempt to play games. Sometimes, they just don't know any better. Sometimes, they just don't care.

- Know your boundaries and stick by them. Nice guys and gals only finish last because they let people walk all over their boundaries because they'd rather be nice than strong. Be strong. Don't let anybody compromise you.

- Don't accept unacceptable behavior. Do yourself a favor and make a list of what's acceptable and unacceptable to you. It's your own personal list, and you don't need to clear it with anybody else. This is time to be true to yourself and yourself alone. If you feel the need to verify your list with somebody else, go to the shrink and figure out why. Then date.

- If you get to the point where you find yourself in a relationship with somebody you really care about, be prepared for the fact that the person you care about will make mistakes. We're all human, and we all make mistakes. Be prepared to forgive every once in a while. If you can't forgive people, don't date.

- Learn how to say "I was wrong," "You were right," and "I am sorry." They're the three most important phrases in a relationship. Use them as often as needed.

- Realize that everybody's got baggage. Be patient and kind with those you love.

- If you've gotten to the point that you just can't help but love somebody, hold onto them for dear life. Keep your boundaries, but don't just toss it all away because things get hard. Real love is a very rare thing on this planet, and when you find it, value it for what it's worth.

- Love is a verb. If you love somebody, do things that show this. Have some idea how to do this. Pay attention to the person you love and figure out how he/she likes to be shown your love.

- Never treat somebody you love with disrespect. Yes, you can get angry from time to time, but never use this as an excuse to disrespect somebody, especially somebody you love.

- Never sacrifice yourself for somebody you love. Remember, that person fell in love with YOU, and maintaing yourself, intact, gives them somebody to keep loving. If you dissapear, where will their love have to go?

- If it doesn't work out, be clear, concise, and honest with the other person as to why. Give that person a chance to respond to your reasons.

- Never be cruel when you break up with somebody. Rejection is going to hurt bad enough. There's no need to add insult to injury.

- Don't assume that everyone you date is going to be just like your X. Any X. Not all women or all men are the same. It is unfair to paint all members of the same sex with one broad stroke. Learn from your mistakes, but leave the past in the past.

[lovesjoyajm]

I don't really see why this should cause "a stir". These things are all dating ideals in my opinion - if everyone did these things, there would be very little drama. (ewwww I hate drama.)

[King Zarathu]

I'm better than lovesjoyajm at foosball.
^^ This is about to cause drama.

[lovesjoyajm]

Hahahahahahahahah.

That's not drama. That's a good laugh

[lovesjoyajm]

I really did laugh, though. That's a good one.

[vashti]

I thought some of this advice was off the mark. I've seen better.

[Gigabitch]

If the better advice is in a concise package like this, I'd like to have it for my personal use, should I ever find the nerve to resume dating.

[Pins]

Please tell - what was off the mark?

[vashti]

I guess I see the purpose of dating differently than the author of your guidelines.

Specifically, I disagree that it is wrong to date more than one person at a time. The purpose of dating is to give you an idea of what qualities you value for when you choose a marital partner (assuming that is the eventual goal, as it seems to be for most people) and getting to know people. As long as you aren't sleeping with multiple people, and equally important, as long as you are honest about not being exclusive, I don't have a problem with casual dating. It seems that nowadays, everyone is so desperate to be connected to someone, they artificially create commitments and connections prematurely.

Also, I think the word manipulation has a very negative meaning in the way that it has been used, but to manipulate is to influence, and I think we ALL do that with everyone we know.

[blue]

i totally understand and some things rang true especially about honesty being hard but doing it anyways honesty is really the best policy

[Pins]

Well, they were written by somebody who's been married before, so I guess the assumption was made that the reader would already have a pretty good idea of what they were looking for in a marital partner.

Also, Harville Hendrix, author of multiple books on relationships, states that every person has a sub-conscious list of what they want in a mate, which comes from one's parents. I don't know if I agree with him or not, but I can certainly see his point.

As far as the dating multiple people thing goes, some can do it, some can't. I guess that's a personal decision.

[compaqevo]

thats one of the best things ive read about relationships. thanks alot!