Please give me advice!! Super jealous of my boyfriend's ex...

[jschenone]

Hi, I'm new here... Just want some advice on a problem I've had in my relationship, but didn't know who to talk to.

I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 21. He is my first boyfriend and we have been together for 1 year. Before me, my BF has had several girlfriends. All but one were short middle/high school relationships. His previous relationship lasted 1 year 10 months, but he ended it, saying that he'd been unhappy & he knew she wasn't the right girl for him.

When we met & got to know each other, he said he fell in love for the very first time. He said he fell in love with my big heart, personality, the fact that I was always so optimistic, and just everything about me, he was in love with. He said he had never felt the same way for any other girl before me. He said that his feelings for his most recent ex were never strong and he was never in love with her.

The problem is that I am SUPER jealous of his ex and super upset that he has a past and I don't. I hate that he's had sex before me. He's had sex with 4 other girls. He said it happened with his most recent EX and with others when he was like 15. I still can't get over it.

I'm particularly jealous that he's had sex with his ex just because they've been together longer than we have, at least for now. I get sick just thinking about them having sex... I'm jealous that girl was his girlfriend at one point.

They don't talk anymore and they aren't friends. They work together so they say Hi, but my BF said he doesn't talk to her much. He told me he doesn't think about her... All he wants is to be with me and to be happy. He said his past doesn't matter to him anymore and those girls don't matter. He said that he can't change his past, but he does wish that he'd lost his virginity to me.

We're both tired of this ongoing negative sentiment I'm feeling against him...
I know he's worn out and but the thoughts keep coming back...
Please give me advice!!

[bulrush]

1. Stop thinking about his ex. Just stop it. Think about something else. There's a reason she is his ex, and you are his girlfriend, it's because he likes YOU, not her.
2. Get a book at the library about getting rid of jealousy. Read it. (Do I really need to say "read it"?)
3. See a counselor about this issue. This is an issue which will come up in probably, all your relationships. Better to deal with it early than be divorced 5 times.

[Miss_winter]

you need to stop it. there's no point of being jealous of his ex - they don't even talk anymore and they aren't friends. if you don't stop, you will drive him away. trust me.

[Boisdevie]

You need counselling.

[devonbrown]

It is unhealthy for you to be so obsessed over an ex-girlfriend like this. And you have to realize that this is all in your head. You are worried about the past, not the present or the future. But you live in the present and can not return to the past no matter what. Chances are everyone you meet will have a past, and if you can't deal with that past, then you are bound for heartache after heartache.

If you can't find a way to get past it yourself, you may need to see someone professionally to work through your issues. But don't blame your boyfriend for the issues that are in your head.

Good luck.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

He's probably still in love with her and lied to you about why he ended it. I'll bet you the only reason he even still works there is so he can talk to her and see her. Have you ever wondered what they do if no one else at work is around? You should confront him and force him to quit his job.

[searock]

He's probably still in love with her and lied to you about why he ended it. I'll bet you the only reason he even still works there is so he can talk to her and see her. Have you ever wondered what they do if no one else at work is around? You should confront him and force him to quit his job.

OP, this guy is clearly trolling your thread: don't listen to him.

I have the same issue as you have, just a bit less bad. But I think I understand how you feel. I know that it is irrational and that if he shows me in every way that he really is over his ex, and is in love with me, that's exactly the way things are.

It sucks when you're a virgin and you're together with a guy who has had sex before. I hope you'll manage to keep going no matter how tough it gets. Try to think only about the sex you two share, and about the fact that it is as if it were his first time too, since it was the first time with someone he loved.

[Saya]

If your jealous about his past relationship, most likely you'll be jealous if he start to hang out with his female friends or if he talked to female friends.
Everyone has past so you just have to get over it or eventually your bf is going to get sick of you nagging him about his ex etc and he will end up leaving you.
If you love him so much then, just accept for who he is/what he had.

[jschenone]

Thanks for all the advice, except for that one "troll." I guess the bottom line is, I just have to work on being confident and having more self esteem. Honestly, my boyfriend has shown me nothing but love this whole year and even before we were officially together. He's sacrificed a lot just so he can see me - comes over every night after work, doesn't practice guitar as much as he used to (guitar is his passion), and just wants to be with me all the time. He just wants me to be happy and goes to lengths in order to do so... so if I really sit down and think about it and put myself into his shoes, I do realize that I AM being really selfish. I don't think about his feelings at all, I don't show that I'm grateful to have such an amazing boyfriend who treats me so well... I have absolutely no reason to be jealous. Obviously, he LEFT his ex and chose to be with me, so that by itself should mean something...

Thanks again for helping me. I'm gonna try so hard to make these feelings go away!