Boyfriend acting strange...

[celestemaria777]

Hello everyone. I am really in some need of relationship advice and any help would be truly appreciated...

So here is the deal. My boyfriend of five months has started to act a little strange. But before I get into that, there's a lot of back story to how our relationship came to be that I think is the reason why I've become so worried. Around the summer of last year I had found out that my boyfriend at the time was messing around with this other girl. (I had just started college and my now ex was still in high school). It was a whole big mess and I ended up breaking up with him after he finally told me the truth. I was upset for a while but I eventually got over it. However I noticed that this guy on face book kept putting up depressing status' about relationships and stuff. I knew the guy a little bit as he was on the soccer team while I was manager but we never really talked so I asked a friend like why was he so sad and putting up depressing things, i was curious for some reason. The friend told me that the guy had been dating the girl that my ex was messing around with, so basically me and the guy both got cheated on and hurt by the same people. I decided one day to just comment on one of his status' and I said something like I know how you feel. After that he sent me a long message on face book, introducing himself and we basically went back and forth talking about our heartache and became really close friends after that. Around January we were having a conversation on the phone and he told me there was this girl he really liked but he didn't know what to say. I was completely oblivious that he was talking about me so I told him to just tell her, and he said it was me he liked. I was a bit taken a back but I couldn't deny that I liked him. He was really sweet and very caring, and his sensitivity reminded me of myself so eventually I returned his feelings. He asked me out towards the end of January and I accepted and everything seemed to be going great. He talked to me alot and sent me many messages, and called alot and I liked talking to him. We are very similar so it is easy for us to generate conversation and all. I knew from the beginning that he was enlisting in the navy and would have to leave in April for boot camp and all, but he assured me that everything would be ok. When the time came for him to leave I was very sad but I tried to not let it show. I hugged him goodbye and then he said loved me, which kinda shocked me cause I didn't expect that. I said it back and then he was gone.

I suppose I noticed it a couple weeks ago when we finally were able to talk to one another. He had been away for about two months in boot camp for the navy. Before he left everything seemed fine. Towards the end of his first month I finally got a letter from him, and he basically said how boot camp was like hell and hard to deal with and that he hopes I was well. I was so happy to hear from him and I wrote him back as soon as possible. Every day I waited for the mail to come to see if he wrote back but nothing came. When his birthday came up I sent him a birthday card and everything, still waiting to hear from him again. But nothing came. I figured he was just too busy and couldn't write back, so I just accepted that. What really shocked me was that one day I happened to be on face book and i noticed that his profile pic changed. It shocked me because I knew that he wouldn't have assess to a computer to do that in boot camp so i went to his page and saw that he was having conversations with people and I got a little upset. I just didn't understand why he wouldn't have sent me a message atleast saying hello, or what the deal was. I ended up sending him a message and he told me that he had graduated from boot camp and was now in Connecticut to do school work for the navy. I asked him why he didn't write me back and he said he was online only briefly.

I felt right away that something was wrong, his responses just seemed cold and distant. I saw the conversations that he had with this other girl in the navy and he seemed for cheery, but with me it just seemed dull and not like himself. Every time we talked i kept asking him why he seemed that way and he just said he was busy and tired. I just am not able to understand it. He said that he was going to write me back but found out he was graduating from the boot camp thing early and was afraid if he sent something and I responded he wouldn't get it. A couple of days ago he got his cellphone back and once again I did not find out by him sending me something. I noticed on face book that he was logged on through his cell, so I sent him a message like "oh, you got ur cell back." He said yes and that he was doing paperwork all day and couldn't send something and I understood that. It's just hard for me to understand why his responses are just so simple, why he doesn't fill me in on things, and why he as a person just seems different. I keep thinking the worst, like maybe he found someone in the navy and all but I keep telling myself why would someone who went through so much heartache with a girl messing around on him, go and do the same thing to me? He just doesn't seem like someone to lie and be like that, at least that's what I think. I just don't know anymore what to do and how he feels. When I ask how we are relationship wise he just says, "we're fine." He told me that he might have to stay in Connecticut for year and I am very worried if we are going to last. He doesn't call me babe anymore and usually he would say i love you before getting off the phone but now I find myself saying it first. It's driving me crazy and I would just like to know what would be best.

Should I try talking to him, or does it seem like he is just not interested or hiding something? I just don't know how to go about it and what would be best.

Sorry this is so long!!!

[Mimi876]

I would talk to him about it...tell him to give u a serious answer about how he feels... but to be honest, I think you should just prepare yourself to move on bc from the sound of things, he's trying to avoid you.....let him do all the contacting.... Just back off and see what he does.

[celestemaria777]

Thank you very much!! I will try my best to talk to him and if it doesn't work, I at least tried.

[DianaDBoss]

Girl, people do what they really want to do. He is not emotionally available no matter which way you slice it or for what reason, because any person who is in a committed relationship should keep in touch with that person, simple as that. I know it is not easy to hear, but he has moved on based on your comments. There is no reason WHATSOEVER that he would have time to contact anyone else and not make time for you. You deserve better and don't be ashamed to admit it! You are not asking too much to have a man that truly loves you, values you, and treats you like you are the most important person to him next to his immediate family. Write him another letter detailing all you feel about him, and BURN IT!! Don't send it to him. He doesn't deserve your time. If you love someone, set them free. Not for them, but for you, so that you can have an open space for Mr. REAL.

[HeartIsAching]

He's already moved on, but is too much of a coward to just say it to you.