Advice !

[rebeccahk17]

Lately, I find myself arguing more regularly with my boyfriend of 2 years more and more. Which in result leads him to getting angry with me because I push him to the edge with the things I say to him. Which is completely fine and fair. Except there was one incident recently, whereupon he became more threatening towards me than he ever has before and I can't seem to get it off my mind. We've apologised for our behaviour since, and have been okay with one another but I'm not sure I will feel completely comfortable again - or at least not for a long time. I just don't know what to do. Bringing it up in conversation only causes more arguments and I just can't be bothered with any more arguments or upsets. I just don't know what to do.

[Becka1233]

If you don't feel comfortable communicating with your partner, it doesn't sound like either of you will be very happy. Is this a relationship that you want to make work, or do you think it has burned out?

[TheEvilJester]

Agreed with Becka. But, I'd also add that we could perhaps offer more specific advice if you are willing to give more details. If you don't want to, I'd understand, but it could help us give you more directed advice. Right now, you didn't give us much to go by here.

For example, was what your boyfriend said abuse, or is it possible maybe it wasn't intended as threatening as you took it and perhaps you just misunderstood? If you give us more details about specifically what he said and HOW he said it, maybe we could speculate.

You say that things you say and do to him when you two argue push him to the edge. A number of questions come to my mind from that. Can you elaborate on what you say and do that pushes him to the edge? When you say it pushes him "to the edge," can you elaborate on what exactly does that mean?

Because that could mean he gets so mad he has to storm off and not talk to you a while.... or it could mean he gets so mad he becomes violent. Two VERY different things, both of which interpretations I could easily take from the little you shared. So, as much further details as you are willing to share, please do and perhaps we can offer more specific advice.

Though, overall agreed with Becka. A relationship cannot succeed without communication. So, you two either need to talk and work through these problems.... or if they cannot be fixed, or one/both of you are unwilling, then maybe it is best just to part ways. Good luck to you both either way.

[richiro]

ok.. so you push him (which you know you shoudln't do) and he finally blows up. since then its a touchy subject when you bring it up. this is CLASSIC male/female differences and fights and so i'm going to give you my experience thru the years.

At this point talking about it isn't going to be constructive b/c too many personal feelings are involved and triggers (emotional triggers) developed. So in trying to resolve this NOW or in the near future - let it go. Call it a "bad day" and one of those "unfortunate incidences" and let it go. Since it sounds like to me that there isn't a whole lot of other stuff going on beyond the fights and the verbal pushing, i'm pretty comfortable sayhing this.

NOw.. here is a diff between males and females. Females get it all out now.. purge at every moment they can and thus the tag "nagging". Guys internalize things and let a lot of things go until yo upush it TOO far for TOO LONG and we "explode", thus the tag "explode" and female's sensitivity to loud or demonstrative behavior. One is not better or worse than the other or more right or wrong than the other - it's simply how females are wired and males are wired and exhibitive of OUR DIFFERENCES.

The worst thing anybody can do as a female, is expect or judge a male on "female logic" and how females think.
the worst thing anybody can do as a male, is judge a female on "male logic" an how males think.

if ou really want to resolve this and know how to be successful in relatinsip.. males need to accept that females are NOT males and thus we can't judge or expecte females to be like males. and vice versa for females expecting or demanding the males be more like females. it ain't gonna happen.

So.. let this one go in that spirit and keep going with the relationship. Be wary of the male vs female thing and USE that to help make it better in the future and to help your bf make it better for you in the future whenever you have a conflict. At some point down the road you guys will either decide that its NOT workable and you can't work it out, or that you can and can see progress being made in aking a CONCERTED EFFORT to empathize with the other side.

after all.. relationships are NOT about getting what you want. its' about giving and empathizing to the other side and having that reciprocated back. but you have to start with yo ufirst and always and then just pick a partner that does it back (and cut bait with the ones that can't reciprocate that).

Good luck.

[aadi]

this is a relationship that you want to make work, or do you think it has burned out..?