Taking it slow? and Age?

[dewilliams2]

So as some of you know I have been seeing a woman now for awhile. Don't know for sure exactly how long. Met her once about 2 months ago when I happened to be out with her sister. Well things didn't work out with me and her sister but we ended it peacefully. About that time Tiffany added me on facebook and we started kind of talking online. I asked her out one night and she made sure it was okay with her sister and we went out. Had a great time. We have stayed in the last 3 times we were together and tomorrow we are going to do some shopping and come back and watch a movie/eat popcorn.

I really like her a lot. We can talk for hours, even when we try to watch movies it is about pointless because we just talk.

She said she wanted to take things very slowly since she had not seen anybody since her divorce and hadn't intended on dating again but is giving me a chance because of how well we get along. I'm fine with that. As many of you know I was hurt pretty bad in my last relationship as well so I'm not lookin into running into anything head first.

We haven't had sex, haven't even kissed but I still have so much fun with her.

So I don't know how slow we are supposed to go, I'm giving her as much space as she wants and I'd love to kiss her but I don't know what she means by taking it slow and I don't want to rush her into anything if she isn't ready for that.

So whats everybodies take on taking it slow?

Also we were on the couch tonight cuddling and she still hasn't told me how old she is and its kind of a joke. She did let it slip that she graduated in 2001, I graduated in 2005. Although she did point out she could have skipped a year or got held back even but she is so smart I can't see that she got held back. So I'm 23...I'm thinking she is like 27-28. So she asked me something I didn't want to answer so I said "how old are you" and she said "old." I asked why she wouldn't tell me and she said "your so young." I asked if that bothered her because it didn't bother me and she didn't really answer. I don't think the age difference is that big of a deal but is it?

On one hand she tells me how she had never had so much fun with anybody and how she hasn't been this happy in a long time but on the other hand she is so hesitant. I know its only been a few dates but I don't want the situation to stagnate and us get caught in a rut where we just end up being friends.

So how slow is slow and is age that big of a deal when your in your 20s and its only like 4-5 years.

[vashti]

I think you had better kiss her soon, or you will be friend-zoned forever.

Also, I don't think the age difference is a big deal unless she has kids, but obviously, she might. I know that the first time I was attracted to a younger man, I was shocked and a bit disgusted. The fact that she continues to hang out with you sort of tells me she is willing to overlook it, even if it bothers her.

[xxazurexx]

I think that sometimes and if we've been hurt before, we will want to take it slow because we are being cautious.

I've told guys that appear to be moving too fast, that I want to take it slow. Let's spend some time getting to know each other and rather than jump in and throw early declarations of 'You are the one for me' around. I like to spend time getting to know him and to 'feel' him out and before I decide if I want to proceed any further.

I've also told guys that I'm not sure about, that I'd like to take it slow and to see if my feelings will grow for him. If he rushes meantime or I feel I'm being rushed, he often and unknowingly kills it before it has started and what may have been a good thing....if only he'd had patience.

The age thing I don't see as being a big deal - you are both in your twenties. I don't view that as being some mighty age gap.

[dewilliams2]

I think you had better kiss her soon, or you will be friend-zoned forever.

Also, I don't think the age difference is a big deal unless she has kids, but obviously, she might. I know that the first time I was attracted to a younger man, I was shocked and a bit disgusted. The fact that she continues to hang out with you sort of tells me she is willing to overlook it, even if it bothers her.

I really want to kiss her, I wanted to kiss her the first night we went out, she was talking and all I was thinking about was kissing her....like I said, I just don't want to rush her if she wants to take it slow because I don't know what her definitions of that is.

I think that sometimes and if we've been hurt before, we will want to take it slow because we are being cautious.

I've told guys that appear to be moving too fast, that I want to take it slow. Let's spend some time getting to know each other and rather than jump in and throw early declarations of 'You are the one for me' around. I like to spend time getting to know him and to 'feel' him out and before I decide if I want to proceed any further.

I've also told guys that I'm not sure about, that I'd like to take it slow and to see if my feelings will grow for him. If he rushes meantime or I feel I'm being rushed, he often and unknowingly kills it before it has started and what may have been a good thing....if only he'd had patience.

The age thing I don't see as being a big deal - you are both in your twenties. I don't view that as being some mighty age gap.

She seems interested. I mean she tells me how much she likes me and likes spending time with me. She even said its almost overwhelming the extent to which we get along and what we have in common....so I'm not concerned about that. I do think she is interested. She just comes across as being hurt really badly and not wanting to be hurt again.

I don't know....she is confusing.

I also didn't think the age thing was a problem either but she seems to be a little bugged by it....I mean I've always been mature for my age and I'm aging like hell so if you didn't know I was 23 you probably wouldn't guess that. Truly she hot and looks younger than me so I don't get her hang up.

[Infern0]

The age gap thing pisses me the **** off.

it means nothing, **** the age gap, forget about it, do NOT let her make a thing out of it, it means NOTHING.

you are both adults, a couple of years makes no odds, and if you were 28, she 23 no on would care.

**** AGE GAPS THEY DONT MATTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dewilliams2]

Okay so the slow thing went right out the window and maybe that wasn't a good call.

We have pretty much spent the past 48 hours together, she went home mainly to take a shower and get her insulin (she is diabetic).

She was back over here tonight and we talked about going out this evening. We we were on the couch cuddling and she said she was tired and wasn't sure so I said "well lets go take a nap and then we will go out". Keep in mind I still hadn't kissed her at this point.

We go in the bedroom and lay in my bed. I tell her to get comfortable, she takes her bra off and I even talk her into taking her jeans off. So she is laying there in a t-shirt and her panties. Now I behave myself to begin with because I'm keeping in mind "take it slow" I hold her and we even sleep a little bit. Well we have been going so long that the nap turned into more like bed for the night. But really we weren't sleeping a whole lot we'd wake up and talk some...the whole time I'm keeping my hands in appropriate places.

Its like 2 a.m. and I'm thinking I still haven't kissed her and she is half naked in my bed surely she doesn't want me to go slow. I mean I'm a gentleman but that pretty much says "nail me"...at least that is how I read it. Well anyways we started kissing, she goes with it, then it goes further...basically we ended up having sex and she came really hard. I was proud of myself thought everything was cool. Then she said "I should go home" I asked what was wrong and she said "I just make stupid decisions, I told myself I'd go slow and I didn't, I should know better than get into bed with a man half naked."

Now I'm pretty sure I read her right and understood what she wanted. If I hadn't I was thinking she would have thought I was either gay or not interested surely that is what she would have thought.

She said she wasn't mad at me but mad at herself. All I can figure is that she was thinking with her hormones and once that passed she was thinking clearly and regretted it. Which makes me feel awful. I really like her a lot and she said we would still hang out but I don't know what the hell to do. She didn't kiss me goodbye when she left...she did leave, she had to go get her insulin and it was 4 a.m.

I just don't understand.

[pinkinterlude]

As others have said, the age 'issue' is nothing. Ignore it. A couple of years here or there isn't a big deal.

She's adjusting to a new life. Being single again. She has already admitted that she got hurt and wasn't intending to date anyone yet. She made an exception for you, which to me seems that she likes you enough to see how things go with you. She seemed to think she wasn't ready to date yet but meeting you made her rethink this decision.

I think that she does like you but feels conflicted inside because of all these feelings she has for you that she didn;t think she would have for someone for a good while. She sounds like she is still struggling with her divorce and all of the issues that come with something like that, but has met somone she likes quicker than she thought she would. It's the typical situation where you know what you should do, or think you should do in terms of what is right for you, but often dismiss it.

I think her leaving quickly is her reacting to knowing that she shouldn't have got that intimate with you. Not because she didn't want to, but because she just doesn't seem ready. you have to remember that you are probably the first man she has been intimate with since her divorce, so just casually ring her or text her, tell her that you hope that she is okay and that you like her, and are willing to do things how she wants. That way, you aren't putting any extra pressure on her and hopefully she will feel even more comfortable talking to you about what she is thinking.
Good luck.

[dewilliams2]

As others have said, the age 'issue' is nothing. Ignore it. A couple of years here or there isn't a big deal.

She's adjusting to a new life. Being single again. She has already admitted that she got hurt and wasn't intending to date anyone yet. She made an exception for you, which to me seems that she likes you enough to see how things go with you. She seemed to think she wasn't ready to date yet but meeting you made her rethink this decision.

I think that she does like you but feels conflicted inside because of all these feelings she has for you that she didn;t think she would have for someone for a good while. She sounds like she is still struggling with her divorce and all of the issues that come with something like that, but has met somone she likes quicker than she thought she would. It's the typical situation where you know what you should do, or think you should do in terms of what is right for you, but often dismiss it.

I think her leaving quickly is her reacting to knowing that she shouldn't have got that intimate with you. Not because she didn't want to, but because she just doesn't seem ready. you have to remember that you are probably the first man she has been intimate with since her divorce, so just casually ring her or text her, tell her that you hope that she is okay and that you like her, and are willing to do things how she wants. That way, you aren't putting any extra pressure on her and hopefully she will feel even more comfortable talking to you about what she is thinking.
Good luck.

We have been texting all day so we are still talking. No she really did need her insulin...she should have left several hours before that and she stayed about another hour after we had sex, so she didn't leave right after. And I have told her from the start we can go as slow as she likes. I apparently just read her wrong. I thought half naked in my bed was a pretty obvious sign. And then I even began kissing her very slowly and she started moaning and rubbing up against me I mean she didn't try to stop me at all and the sex was great and I have never seen a woman have an orgasm as hard as she did so I was really proud of myself. But I told her last night I was sorry and that I liked her and we didn't have to do that again for a long time. I'm quite happy just being with her.

I don't know. As I said she is hard to read...early she made a joke about going to one of the local adult stores and getting a little outfit, after what was said last night...I just don't know...I'm getting mixed signals, I don't think she knows what she wants.

[dewilliams2]

Don't usually bump but I'd like a few more opinions.

[vashti]

I think it's important that you make sure she understands she didn't make a bad decision when she slept with you. Many women worry afterwards they will be abandoned. Alternately, they worry you are going to turn out to be some giant oaf they would be embarrassed to have been associated with.

[Gigabitch]

She sounds a bit neurotic and harsh on herself. Be careful with this one. She's probably prone to freaking out.

[dewilliams2]

Well we did kinda talk but it wasn't for long we were both on lunch break.

Age is kinda a big deal for her. She said her ex-husband was younger and she told herself she would never date another younger guy again. I told her I'm not her ex-husband and age is irrelevant. I'm 23 and got my shit together more than some guys twice my age....I don't know...could be a slow thing to convince her.

Basically this comes down to she is dating soon than she planned or was ready for....generally I'd totally walk away because this strikes me as being some work...more than it should be this early on. But there is something there that you don't come across a lot. I don't know why but its like I know her and I feel so comfortable around her...we just get along so well. I'm definitely going to put forth some effort. She is coming over tonight, we are going to talk some more and have dinner.

[dewilliams2]

Okay....well she came over. I think she just had a little freak out is all.

We agreed to slow things down again...yea that didn't happen...again....I don't know how but we definitely are attracted to each other. It just happens. But tonight she wasn't upset or anything. She did leave but once again it was to get her insulin and we both have to work in the morning....this time though she was happy.

[lotus petals]

sounds like she has some control issues too. my last bf made us wait a couple of months before having sex. wtf??? things just had to be the way he thought they should be as opposed to how things will naturally evolve btwn two people. he needed to have control or he was afraid of all the emotions that would come up for him. i hope she's not as bad as he was.

[SydneyLane]

She had some bad experience with her ex and I think she just needs assurance that you're different even if you're younger with her. Women are fickle minded and can change decisions in a snap. These kind of women needs some strong personality where you can lead the way. But of course you have to listen and know what she wants so you'll know what to do..