Advice appreciated

[exiled13]

Hello,

I am a 33 year old male in a 10 month relationship with a 35 year old female. Until recently this relationship has been the best I've ever known, so much so that I've contemplated marriage with this woman. A couple weeks ago she became noticeably less affectionate, less talkative, and generally appeared less interested in me. When I inquired she stated that she was tired, or frustrated with work, and that I had nothing to worry about. A few days ago I borrowed her phone, and inadvertently discovered a text message conversation between her and another man that, in my opinion, was cause for concern. The conversation began with him inviting her to the bar for drinks, her accepting, and the two of them flirting in a sexual context. They met again the next night at the hotel where she is employed, and he is currently living. When I asked her who the guy is, and let her know that I was hurt and concerned she told me is a 22 year old from out of state staying in the hotel for several months while working here, and reassured that she has not and would not cheat on me, and that she is happy with me, and also added "I'm a flirt, if you don't like it don't stay with me, I wont change for anyone". Since this discussion they have continued to text flirtatiously, and last night I again expressed to her that I was hurt and concerned about their relationship. She told me that this is just how she jokes with her male friends, and that I was overreacting. Any input on this matter would be appreciated.

Thanks.

[Xena]

Well, I would say that you may want to reconsider your thinking of proposing to this girl until you and her can figure things out.

Now, I am in a relationship of two years. I flirt from time to time with other males and hang out with them outside of work. But it's innocent. It's human nature to want to feel wanted by other people (I think so anyway). But there is a way to behave and handle yourself while in those situations.

She seemed like she was honest about the situation with you and from what I gather from your post, she wasn't really that upset. Instead she assured you of her feeling for you. In my opinion, if she was guilty, she would try to hide it and she wouldnt have gotten upset when you confronted her about it. Now of course if you were to harass her about it after she has spoken with you, she may get upset.

[leoben]

It's not really innocent to be handing out your cell # and flirting with other guys over it. Exiled has already noticed a significant change in his relationship with this girl, and that pretty much proves that her motives aren't innocent. She's at very least having an emotional affair.

You really don't have many options. She's pretty much stated that her interactions with this other guy are more important then the relationship she has with you. Just have to decide if she's worth sharing with another guy or if it's time to start exploring breaking up.

[Horseyguy]

So how did you inadvertently discover a number of text messages on her phone and then read them all? and then a few days later read some more?

Sounds like the trust has gone, she already told you it was nothing that you need to worry about but you don't believe that so maybe you either start trusting in what she has said or leave her for flirting with another male

Keep going the way you are and I suspect your insecurities will drive her away anyway