Boys (or girls) please help!

[vangirl]

Hey there,

My Fiancee and I are 100% commited, I don't worry about our long term relationship at all. Ok, now my problem...

A few months ago he brought up the idea of meeting another couple to 'play' with. At the time I was all for it. Then he began to change his mind and not want another guy around. He now wanted to meet a single gal to invite to our bedroom. I didn't like that as much because I tend not to trust other girls feelings and I didn't want anyone to get hurt. I sort of was ok with it because I really wanted him to be happy. Then I began to really, REALLY think about the reality of seeing my man being intimate with another female, I started to get really upset by the idea and told him I didn't want to do it anymore.

I KNOW that he will not leave me for another woman. What I don't like is the thought of him wanting another woman sexually more then me. It has now escalated into me getting upset when he looks at porn (it never bothered me before, I used to like it also...), and now I can't stop thinking that he wants to have sex with every woman he sees and when we are having sex I always think he is thinking of someone else.

Help! I never used to be so jelouse. I even waited on my feelings for a long time to make sure it was not just pms or something talking.

Sorry this was so long. If anyone has any thoughts on this subject or knows any good books or websites for advice please please PLEASE let me know.

Thanks
Vangirl

[Hoss]

Turn it in to a take it or leave it deal then. If he still wants the sex with you and another woman at the same time make it a couples night again. Bring the idea of another man in there so your feelings are equal, so you know that you are both commited to each other. If he doesn't like it then just drop the whole thing so you won't feel so worried.

[squirrley]

Been in your shoes, and I ended up backing out all together.
There will be emotions involved in every sense with you, him, and whom ever you choose. You will have to deal with consequences afterwards. Obviously your relationship was strong enough to at least toss the idea around, but you've realized the implications of the aftermath for what an hour or two of fun? Sure it's great if you can leave out emotion, but who really can? This forum has discussed threesomes, and it came down to men being able to leave it out. If you explain or approach this subject in a meaningful discussion with your fiance, not take the jealousy issue to hand, but the reprecussions of how YOU feel about it, he should understand. I too was against him touching another woman, but why would it be ok for another man to touch us? See it's a two way street, and it's about compromise. How far are you willing to go with playing out fantasies? Maybe suggest another form of exploring...try not to feel insecure about your man looking at porn, it's like natural for them, get into with him, share some ideas...Theres so much to do and experiment with, without having the 3rd party involved.

Goodluck...

[sugarashes]

I am a jealous person too. But my boyfriend actually cheated on me one time. It was very hard to get over it and I am still not completely over it. My boyfriend no longer gets drunk at parties without me when there will be other girls there. I didn't make him do it though he made that choice on his own to show me that he doesn't want any other girl. He has mentioned something about being swingers in the future but he just made a small comment about it. But as for the advice, I don't have much and the reason for that is because it has to come from you. You have to start trusting him more and not get jealous so easily unless he gives you good reason too. It is completely mental and if you can get over it then you will but if you can't then you will have to decide if you can continue this relationship or not. Don't make him feel bad for making a suggestion, looking at porn, or thinking about other women in bed. That is in your own head, unless he is or has acted upon it before. But believe me if you don't get over this or end it he might just get tired of it and end the whole relationship. Sorry if you think I am being harsh I am simply telling you what I tell myself so it is nothing personal.

[vangirl]

Hey!

Thanks for all the feed back. We resolved this one with me saying that at this moment in time I won't be able to involve anyone else in our sex life because it is just too emotional for me. I said that it wouldn't be worth it, like you said squirrley. I know he was kind of dissapionted but he understands and the issue has been dropped for the time being. I told him maybe one day I will be able to do it but I will never suggest it again unless I am 100% sure that I am ok with it.

Funny thing... Once I got all the threesome stuff off my head I was no longer worried about the porn or anything else. Yay! I hated being all jealous and insecure like that. Maybe I'll even be able to get back into the porn stuff with him again one day.

Anyway, Thanks for your input.
Vangirl