Please, plead read. A "break" after 3 years?

[mc1787]

this is very long, but i've been in a new city for 1 week, no friends, & I'm 7 hrs from any family, without a car… please help me

i am 22; my "boyfriend" is 24. i guess i'll use the term "boyfriend" for this post… too painful to call him anything else.

we have been together for a little over 3 years. since the first day we started talking, not one day has passed where we did not speak with one another. we are/were? best friends… told each other everything/supported one another/relied on one another/etc… BUT the entire relationship has been long distance

we met while we were attending different universities for our undergrad degrees. we got to visit each other every month though, and during academic breaks (summer, xmas, thanksgiving, spring, etc…) we spent longer durations of time together. regardless, it was a very serious relationship, and i know this (in regards to our feelings for one another/commitment to one another)

we BOTH talked in detail about marriage/kids. i didn't "read into" anything. he made statements about OUR future TOGETHER all the time. we were never officially engaged, but we both admitted that we thought of one another as each other's fiance… he gave me a diamond promise ring & we were waiting to get officially engaged once we had both graduated form college & he had the money for an engagement ring (full time students + spending what little money we did have on gas, etc to see one another every month= a fairly broke couple).

last month we both graduated & we had started "apartment-hunting." we both were so excited (or so he came off that way) about FINALLY starting our lives together-- with one another!

it came closer to the time where we needed to find a place to live together (b/c i was moving to further my education... i'm taking a post-bacc. certificate program for my career). once he secured a full time job, we would move in together (we BOTH agreed that i would do this certificate thing for 3 months, while he worked. then, he could go to grad school if he wanted, & i would work).

since it looked like he wouldn't have a job by the time i started school, i moved into the dorms last week. for the first time in our 3+ years together, we were only an 1 hr & 20 mins from one another (as opposed to what it had been… 4 hours). he talked about how happy this made him-- to be closer to me.

ironically, last week (around the same time i moved into the dorms) he accepted a "temp-to hire" full time job. he was excited & continued to make statements about our future… i thought the proposal was just around the corner. monday he visited me & we had a great "date night" together.

then, thursday night, he writes me a long email. i wont post the whole thing, as it is very long, but here is some of it:

_________

I feel like I'm standing on a launch pad waiting to be shot off into my "official life." And the closer it gets to launch time, and the more things keep changing, the more I start to think and worry. I start thinking "wait, I'm not ready! I'm not completely sure about everything." This grown up stuff has really come up on me quickly, and now that it's all here, I feel like I have to scramble to make sure everything is in place in order to start the life that I am sure about.

I feel like I've been speeding through my early adult life in a daze. And now that this is all coming to a point where I need to be able to stand on my own two feet, I need to take it seriously- to get back in touch with myself and to be honest with myself about my wants and needs.

*HE THEN ASKED FOR A "BREAK" …STATING HE DIDN'T KNOW ANY SPECIFICS OF WHAT IT WOULD ENTAIL, INCLUDING ITS DURATION*

I just know I would be doing myself a huge disservice if I didn't take just a little bit of time before starting my official life to make sure I'm doing everything right. In fact, our plans to be together and to begin a family doesn't feel wrong at all. But at the same time, it is scary because this is the last opportunity I have to take some time to reassess everything before making that first huge step by moving away from home.

I need to do this before I can move on with anything in life- to think about things (not just us, but also what i want in a career, etc). I need to feel like I am in control of my future- to both reflect on my past and visualize where I want to be.

…I love you and care about you. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. You are always so wonderful. I am very sorry because I know how much I am hurting you right now, especially at this time when you're just starting at a new school. Just know that I wouldn't put you through this if I didn't feel it was so important.
_________________

I am BLOWN AWAY! i didn't see this coming at all! he was always talking about our future… up until Thursday! i thought i would be planning a wedding soon! im crushed… im in so much pain, it hurts to be awake. my body is literally sore. one reason i chose the school that i am currently enrolled in, is because it was closer to his home (his parents' house). now im 7 hrs away from my family, & he wants out?

He texted me yesterday (the day after it happened)-- saying hi-- i didn't respond. im too hurt.

PLEASE GIVE ME THOUGHTFUL & OBJECTIVE ADVICE…

Here is a little what I'm thinking:

-A relationship is not something you take a "break" from--- you work together when you're struggling as individuals; the relationship is a support system- not a burden

-If he REALLY loved me… he wouldn't be doing this… would he?

-i talked to him on the phone that night he sent the email… he said he still loves me, but we wouldn't say "i love you" if we talked over the phone during this "break"

-we've been LONG DISTANCE- how do u want a BREAK when we only see each other monthly!?

-he is having doubts of whether or not i am in his future (as his wife), then why do i want to be with someone like that?

I can't imagine not being with him, but at the same time, should I risk being with someone who is so scared about his future, he's questioning me, his best friend?

I am so in love with him… I miss him terribly. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't concentrate on school. AND IT'S BEEN 1 DAY!

The big question is, if he decides he wants to continue things, what do I do? No matter what happens now-- the minute that email was written- the trust in the relationship was broken. How can I go on being with someone, assuming if he wants to be with me, knowing that he had such serious doubts about us, that he needed time without me-- after 3 years!? I have so much anger towards him now… if we ever were officially together again, i don't know how i'd "let go" of those feelings.

PLEASE help me

[NewStart]

This is a time to reconnect with yourself. I know your head is spinning, so you need to get your feet back on the ground and take a few breaths. I would suggest doing an activity that brings you peace of mind (walk in the park, yoga, funny movie, call a trusted friend). If he needs a break, you have to respect that, no matter how devastated you feel right now. Take care to eat well, get your sleep and exercise and keep busy with doing things you enjoy. You will gain more clarity on this situation as you get in touch with yourself.