I am selfish?

[amok]

Hi, I’m new to this wonderful forum and have been reading a lot of posts and advices that have given me some insights on my own relationship. Currently there is something thats bothering me and I'm hoping to get some feedback or advice.

My current girlfriend(23) of 4yrs has recently become very miserable with whats going on with her life. Her relationship with her family was never good. There is always constant feuding between the family members. Christmas is never enoyable because they can't seem to get along. She doesn't like her job because all the female workers can't seem to get along. Everyone is always talking behind each others back or they do something that bother one another. I suggested for her to quit and maybe go back to school and get a better job or a Degree in something she might like. But, she's unsure what she wants to do as a career and don't want to waste any money in school. I try to be supportive and listen to her problems as much as I can, but its really taking a toll on me. Everyday its constant venting/complaining about the same issue over and over again. My suggesting on any of her problems are ignored. If I listen, nothing gets done, but I hear it over again the next day. Its getting to the point that I don't want to listen anymore and want her to leave me alone. I don't want to be rude, but honestly sometime I don't want to be around her. The venting and complaining is killing me because it never ends, but she doesn't do anything about it. It drags me down and after awhile it becomes overwhelming I don't know what do do anymore. I love her, but I'm afraid that it might push me to leave her.

[vashti]

The thing about negative people is that their lives are objectively no different than others, but the way they perceive it is skewed by their negativity. I bet there are people that work with her that aren't so unhappy, and I bet not every single member of her family finds it so hard to get along. This is a problem with HER, not everyone else.

I don't blame you for growing tired of her attitude. People like this are exhausting. You are a young guy, and life is too short to be spent being miserable. So far as I can see, you can either suggest she get some counseling to deal with her chronically negative attitude, because you aren't going to take it anymore, or you can just cut her loose nice and quick (less "nice", but maybe the only thing that will really give you resolution).

[Aeradalia]

Cut her loose and leave... best thing really. Was married to a guy that was all negativity for 5 years. I always listened and offered suggestions, and yet the bitching and whining continued - with me taking the blame if I tried to help.

You can't fix them... they don't want to be fixed... they 'like' it this way. Makes them feel important if they're world is falling apart - because only 'important' people have problems.

Plus, you'll feel so relieved to be out from under that cloud of negativity. I know I did.

[carl1222]

Hi, I’m new to this wonderful forum and have been reading a lot of posts and advices that have given me some insights on my own relationship. Currently there is something thats bothering me and I'm hoping to get some feedback or advice.

My current girlfriend(23) of 4yrs has recently become very miserable with whats going on with her life. Her relationship with her family was never good. There is always constant feuding between the family members. Christmas is never enoyable because they can't seem to get along. She doesn't like her job because all the female workers can't seem to get along. Everyone is always talking behind each others back or they do something that bother one another. I suggested for her to quit and maybe go back to school and get a better job or a Degree in something she might like. But, she's unsure what she wants to do as a career and don't want to waste any money in school. I try to be supportive and listen to her problems as much as I can, but its really taking a toll on me. Everyday its constant venting/complaining about the same issue over and over again. My suggesting on any of her problems are ignored. If I listen, nothing gets done, but I hear it over again the next day. Its getting to the point that I don't want to listen anymore and want her to leave me alone. I don't want to be rude, but honestly sometime I don't want to be around her. The venting and complaining is killing me because it never ends, but she doesn't do anything about it. It drags me down and after awhile it becomes overwhelming I don't know what do do anymore. I love her, but I'm afraid that it might push me to leave her.

What on earth makes you think you love her??? Sorry but "love" is thrown about so casually by people who can't be bothered with doing the hard lifting love requires. Find a better word to describe what you feel for her!

Carl.

[amok]

What on earth makes you think you love her??? Sorry but "love" is thrown about so casually by people who can't be bothered with doing the hard lifting love requires. Find a better word to describe what you feel for her!

Carl.

Ok, well I am frustrated, but I know what a great person she can be. Early in our relationship it was great. She wasn't as stressed about anything and care free that nothing bothered her as easily. She's a wonderful person when she's happy, thats the person I love and thats the person I want back. Sorry, but I'm not giving up on someone so easily. thanks for the above replies.

[vashti]

Amok - even if your relationship was better, I want to remind you that if you end up marrying this girl, her family will be YOUR family. Is this the type of family dynamics you want for yourself?

[misombra]

she wants to break free.

[amok]

Amok - even if your relationship was better, I want to remind you that if you end up marrying this girl, her family will be YOUR family. Is this the type of family dynamics you want for yourself?

I never thought of it that far. thanks for making me aware.

she wants to break free.

You think so? I can't see it, but that is still a possibility.