Looked at Her E-mail

[lostinlove8]

She used the kids pc next to mine and left the e-mail open. I saw one from a strange address so I googled it - its a guy from HS that I've asked her to stay away from. I didn't open the e-mail but I checked for others and came across a co-worker one that was too intimate for me - not risque, just an emotional connection type. So the question is - should I talk to her about these things? Right now I'm feeling I should go thru credit card receipts, cell phone bills, etc. Yet I feel its more of an emotional connection she seeks - which is a whole lot scarier.

[pisces25]

Why would your wife be seeking emotional intimacy elsewhere? Is there a problem in the marriage?

[LoveCoach]

Hi lostinlove8,

Thanks for sharing your story with us. There are couple issues related to your story, but I particularly am interested in the issue of EXPECTATION. In this society, we were raised and taught to have an expectation of pure loyalty in marriage life. This loyalty expectation became our attitude and work in us unconsciously. It affects our actions and thoughts. But in reality, we could never be 100% loyalty all the time in our live, because simply we are not perfect.
with your Empathizing, respecting, forgiving actions, She will slowly trust you more. and with the trust establishment, she would feel more comfortable to share this sensitive information about her difficulty in keeping loyalty to you.

She used the kids pc next to mine and left the e-mail open. I saw one from a strange address so I googled it - its a guy from HS that I've asked her to stay away from. I didn't open the e-mail but I checked for others and came across a co-worker one that was too intimate for me - not risque, just an emotional connection type. So the question is - should I talk to her about these things? Right now I'm feeling I should go thru credit card receipts, cell phone bills, etc. Yet I feel its more of an emotional connection she seeks - which is a whole lot scarier.

[smackie9]

You obviously looked because you know there are issues in your marriage. Small things maybe that don't sit right with you. The best thing is to ask her about your relationship in general first, and communicate to her about your concerns without mentioning the emails. See where that takes you first and if need be tell her what you saw. Emotional affairs are a warning sign of you not giving her the attention she needs. I know that when you have been together for sometime, have responsibilities with paying the bills, raising the rids etc, you forget what it's like to be a couple. I recommend getting back to when you two first met, long talks, going out on dates, maybe a nice weekend trip without the kids, flowers, cook her a nice dinner, tell her how sexy she is, take her shopping, etc. You need to spend more one on one time with each other. Remember communication is key.

[Cerby]

Hi lostinlove8,

Thanks for sharing your story with us. There are couple issues related to your story, but I particularly am interested in the issue of EXPECTATION. In this society, we were raised and taught to have an expectation of pure loyalty in marriage life. This loyalty expectation became our attitude and work in us unconsciously. It affects our actions and thoughts. But in reality, we could never be 100% loyalty all the time in our live, because simply we are not perfect.
with your Empathizing, respecting, forgiving actions, She will slowly trust you more. and with the trust establishment, she would feel more comfortable to share this sensitive information about her difficulty in keeping loyalty to you.

Congratulations on another load of BS Lovecoach. I sometimes enjoy reading your posts more than the original.

[smackie9]

lol I agree!

[haxan]

She used the kids pc next to mine and left the e-mail open. I saw one from a strange address so I googled it - its a guy from HS that I've asked her to stay away from

I posted in another thread about forbidding someone to do something. A few will respect it, for most it's a challenge. Mistake #1 was asking her to stay away from someone. Don't make mistake #2 and go through her personal stuff. I know it seems casual to look at things that way in the heat of the moment, but if someone is going to betray you, cheat on you, whatever the case may be, that's a decision that they only will ultimately make.

You need to sit down and talk with her, tell her it's important to be open and honest with you about your relationship.

[haxan]

Congratulations on another load of BS Lovecoach

I'm picturing him dressed like a gym teacher, whistle and all (sorry, Lovecoach).

[teacup711]

Why dont you do something she's not expecting, casually ask her out on a date? Somewhere different, not a movie, an experience that you can talk about afterwards. (Then remind yourself youre still the amazing guy she married.)

[THX]

I really like smakies advice. At the same time where there's smoke there''s fire. I suppose you have to make a value judgement on taking the high road and all that entails vs. finding out for sure. If your committed to work it out no matter what "may" have taken place then you definitely go high road. If (possible) cheating is a deal breaker you may want to know so your not dealing with this 5 years from now. Wouldn't want to be in your shoes right now even if it is undue suspicion. I truly hope everything is fine and you can just re invest in your relationship and all is well.