Today was perhaps the most interesting day for a long time. I was playing poker with some friends, and I was winning quite well, but never bluffing. I played carefully for three hours, winning with a strategic strategy. Then I just decided to have a go and start winning a few hands by bluffing. I never bluff, firstly because I'm not good at it, and secondly I'm afraid of losing. But this time I gave it a go and started winning some hands by bluffing. On my way home, I had a brain explosion, so I turned off the radio and started to think. Earlier in the day, I saw perhaps the most amazing girl out of all the girls I'd seen throughout the day, this is the one that stopped me in my tracks. I remember being so captivated by her, that all I could do was look at her in awe, kind of in an obsessed state. It wasn't until I was driving home that it hit me, about how I lacked the courage to do anything about it, just like I did in poker. I feel as if through the obsession of looking at her, I'd forgotten about everything that actually mattered. I definitely had plenty of opportunities to do something about it but didn't. I realized that this is what I do all the time, and its why I can't communicate with women I find attractive. I do this all the time, and I think its something that's been a part of me since I was young, as Ive always been obsessed with collecting magazine images of women, which lead to internet stuff . But it was the whole mentality of saving something for later, rather than living the moment. It kind of makes me feel like I'm a perv most of the time, because I'm so busy looking at women, that I forget to actually go up and talk to them.

I started to think about all the things I should have or could have done, like

throw the ball in front of her, and pick it up, so I could get an opportunity to say something.
Say straight up, I think you're cute, but thats only a small part of it, I'd really like to know you more as a person, or a little bit more about you..............

but I did nothing and now I'm kicking myself, because I'm never going to get this chance again, and I'll die wondering. I have to say, I'm in my 30s, and this is one I'll never forget, out of all the times its happened, I regret this the most, as she was perhaps the most captivating. The last time I had my opportunity and lost it, miraculously I got given a second chance, I saw the girl again, asked her out, and got rejected in an average way. I felt bad for a week, but I'm so glad I did it. So why haven't I learned from that?

So whats the worst that could have happened?

I'm married
I'm in a relationship
You're too short
Your ugly
wouldn't date you if you were the last guy on earth
beaten up by boyfriend (maybe)

I'm sure i'd get over it, but still I couldn't do it, maybe due to fear, but also to the above.

If there is one thing I want and need to build on; it's courage, and it doesn't come easy. Hopefully I can go in with a yolo attitude next time and have the courage to go all in.

I don't really care if I don't get any replies, I'm really glad to get this out there. but feel free to comment with advice, or your own stories of courage.