I miss him so much! What do I say? Please help!!!!

[sunflwr23]

I really miss me ex. I want to get back together. I just don't know what to say to him at all or how to handle the situation for us to work towards getting back together. I didn't wrong him in a major way like cheating, I just made him feel underappreciated cause I was so insecure and it led to some arguments and he ended it. I was always pressuring to spend all this time (way too much of his time) with me and would get upset if he wanted to do other things. I just want him back SO SO bad. I love and miss him so much. And I don't know how he couldn't feel the same after all we had been through and how happy we were. I would do just about whatever it takes cause he's that important to me...even if it means waiting. But what should I do....What if anything can I say to him (we haven't talked in 2-3 weeks and it ended poorly last time we did)? Any advice? Has anyone been here before?

[Tug]

Sunflwr I feel for you, me and my G/F have been having some serious problems and most of them are my fault. I've been fortunate that she's not ready to let go but I know if I don't straighten my azz up she's going to leave me.

Beings you and your B/F have already tried to talk about it and it ended badly maybe it would be best if you saw a therapist to work out your issues and help you work through your break up.

If and when your b/f's ready to get back together he'll let you know but to be quite honest with you it sounds like he's done, sorry.

[lovefrdance]

Hey girl I have been having problems since me and my boyfriend of 3 yrs broke up recently too. He wanted his space to do other things so I know how you feel and it hurts soo much. The best advice I can give you is that if you do talk to him, it needs to be on his terms. I think if you continue the no contact rule he will eventually contact you. When he does you need to be positive and happy. Just ask him how he’s doing and when he asks the same, make it known that you have been doing things that make you happy and that you have your own life outside of him. When girls are too clingy and prevent guys from going out and doing what they want to do, guys get a sense that their self-identity is being taken away. In relationships you can't be one person (thinking feeling and always doing the same things), you have to be two individuals that share a connection. If there is any chance that you will get back together he needs to know that you have your own life outside of him, because then he will feel like he can have his own life too.

Hope I could help

[Volk]

sunflwr,
apologise to him, and try to do something nice for him at the same time. What are his hobbies? Sports, movies, computer games?
Phone/text him inviting him to do something you know he likes, maybe say you feel like talking and give a or two.

When there, apologise and hug him, tell him how crap you felt without him and how much he meant to you.

[sunflwr23]

Thanks! Maybe he just needs lots of space?? I just am getting scared he's really done for good and isn't thinking about things any more. I want him to think about his decision carefully (it was very rash when it happened) but now it's been 3 months and for both of us it's been pretty miserable (especially for me) I know he's been seeing other girls just hanging out nothing even remotely like a relationship. I just don't know how to handle things and unfortunately I really don't want to move on. I liked what we had and I love him. The thing I need the most advice on is right now- we live in two different places- I'm home for the summer and he's back at school. So I am not sure what to do in matter of talking to him, trying to see him, etc. while being long distance. I just don't want this to be it. We had a good relationship and we were both really happy for a long time. It just boggles my mind how one day that can just change.

[Yggdrasil]

I was always pressuring to spend all this time (way too much of his time) with me and would get upset if he wanted to do other things.

Seems like you know what went wrong. In a mature, healthy relation, partners spend time together as well as apart from eachother. You aren't joined at the hip.

Persueing your own interests and having your own friends are all part of individuality.

I suggest working towards more individuality and the ability to respect him as a human being, with his own likes, dislikes, needs and wants, friends and what I call 'me' time.

I also suggest talking to him and letting him know that you understand that you have been to clingy and that you are willing to work on that. Also tell him you are still interested in persuing the relation, but you understand if he is no longer interested. Nothing more, nothing less. Then leave him be. The ball is in his camp and he'll contact you once he figured it out.

Don't contact him after you told him this, don't push him, don't try to manipulate or control him.

Meanwhile, ENJOY your time alone, work on yourself and improve yourself. Let things go their natural way.

Even if he decides he's better of without you, it's not the end of the world, it's a new beginning and you have learned a valuable lesson. In that case, there's plenty of fish to catch in the sea. Go fishing.

Life's a learning curve and what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

[alex12345]

You have to ask: Is he just that into me?

[sunflwr23]

I thought about but he seemed to be sincerely in love with me. A couple of weeks- a month before it ended he was telling me he'd never been in so love before. We were together almost a year and he seemed to really be in love. I don't know how he could have behaved the way and not be that into me. He was talking about the future, and buying me really nice things when he couldnt afford it and I insisted he didn't. I just don't know if he sincerely got scared or if this is just something my friends just tell me to make me feel better and he really just stopped liking me all the sudden.

[Lite]

Is he seeing someone? If the answer is yes, don't bother trying to get him back. Respect him and his relationship.

Do you really think you've changed enough to permanently do better? Or are you just going to drag him along the rocks behind you while you try to get better and then just give up because you're tired of trying to change yourself for the better?

[sunflwr23]

No he is not seeing anyone else and he has insisted he doesn't want to and it's something I don't need to worry about.

Also I never really knew that things were bothering him. He never confronted the issues he had with me. He just let them build up until they were out of control. He said they were all little things too that just all came out at once. But I think they'd be easy to fix if I'd only known about them. And this would be the start of long distance so I know I wouldn't or couldn't be as clingy.

[Lite]

So, it's his job to confront your issues now?

[sunflwr23]

It was his job to communicate with me. He didn't ever tell me what I was doing that he didn't like and I can't work on things without knowing what I'm doing wrong. He didn't have to do anything but be open with me.

He never told me he wanted some more space suddenly. So I assumed things were the same as they always had been but then apparently he felt like I was being clingy and I was getting upset cause when he tried to get some space without telling me what he was doing it hurt my feelings.

[kit_kat]

Sunflowr,

communication is always the best answer. Assuming that your bf isn't fond of letting his bad feelings out over little things -- you must be able to know how to deal with it. Be sensitive enough as to what are those little things that annoyed him and do something with it. And, never forget to remind him always that you love him...

[sunflwr23]

well the problem is we are now broken up and he is currently avoiding me-including blocking me on aim-I would love to work on things I just don't know how to show him that things could be better