I click with a coworker...but she's married

[firewired]

So....there's this new girl that started at work about 3 months ago, and we've become pretty good friends. We walk for coffee in the morning together, email back and forth during the work day, and text back and forth after work and sometimes weekends and we really click.....like we really get each other and have a great time together. The thing is...is that she's married, and to make matters worse, her husbands overseas for 6 months. She seems to kind of like me too....but maybe she's just lonely with her husband gone.

I think about her alot, but i try and keep myself from doing that for obvious reasons...

I don't really know what to do because i have alot of fun with her but i find myself really wanting to spend more time with her after work.

[cmacattack1]

Just come right out and say it. Wouldn't you like to take it past the friendship level with her?

It'd be a bummer to put a damper on a really fun thing but maybe you should slow it down a bit if you are starting to feel those feelings where you want to be more than friends. Especially if she isn't in a solid marriage and could give into temptation. You know it's wrong so you might have to distance yourself to stay out of their way. Part of the fun is that mysterious chemistry because you don't know where it will take you. Who even knows how she feels about it, maybe she really does see you as just a friend. You could ask her but it could get awkward after that. Wouldn't you rather it be awkward than to be the other guy?

It's a tough call but you know how you feel and what your intentions are.

[firewired]

Yeah...i am curious of what it would be like at the next level. I can't help but think about it. But of course I know that's not right...

I won't mention anything to her. I don't want to be "the other guy" so i'm not going to mention anything. I don't want it to be awkward by mentioning anything, and i wouldn't want to try to make anything happen.

She is in the office next to mine, so she comes and talks to me every once in a while throughout the day and it just is hard not to think about taking it to the next level. Today she even mentioned how my eyes were nice and how they were a little different in color in different areas.

It's just wierd because i kind of like her....yet i know that it can't go anywhere.....yet i have lots of fun with her....yet i know i shouldn't be talking so much with her etc.....

[Doc Durian]

She's married. She's therefore off limits.

If you proceed and she gets with you...eventually in marriage... how would you feel if the same thing happened to you when you had to go overseas for 6 months?

Be her friend, have your friendly times... and if 7-9 months down the road she's single... THEN consider asking her out and trying to take it to the next level.

Don't be the guy who breaks the code. I did once and you'll never be able to truly forget it completely. Misdeeds stay with you for your entire life.

[firewired]

yeah...that's good advice. I have broken the code a couple times, and I do feel bad about it, and that's why I won't ever do it again. Now the tough part is just getting my mind right to deal with it

Thanks for the help guys....

[Sonrisa]

She's married. She's therefore off limits.

If you proceed and she gets with you...eventually in marriage... how would you feel if the same thing happened to you when you had to go overseas for 6 months?

Be her friend, have your friendly times... and if 7-9 months down the road she's single... THEN consider asking her out and trying to take it to the next level.

Don't be the guy who breaks the code. I did once and you'll never be able to truly forget it completely. Misdeeds stay with you for your entire life.

Doc, her husband is away for half a year, do you really think he doesn't bang every hot thing that throws himself at him? bullshit.

where is her husband away at btw?

[Doc Durian]

I've been away for half of a year on gf's before and never "banged" anything except my own lonely palm.

Give him the benefit of the doubt. We don't know.

[sookie6]

yes it's actually possible to remain faithful when you love someone deeply.

It's difficult to believe it based on all the stories we hear. Nowadays it seems so easy to sleep with somebody else.

People find themselves excuses all the time. They say they feel lonely or that they click amazingly with someone...

Anyway what annoys me most is that many people make the mistake to compare someone new (the thrill of novelty) to someone they've known for years.

And then they go on about how they are falling in love.

Sorry for the rant of bitterness. I just want to believe that they are still people out there who are able to maintain a real connection with their partner, a connection that resists time and distance.

Sorry OP , going back to your post:

your situation is so common these days. But everyone agrees that it's a potentially messy situation. You have two parameters wrong:

she is a co-worker + she's married

what do you expect out of this?

[lahnnabell]

Yeah, this is a double whammy. She's married and any flirtatious attempts on her part could be because she is most likely starved for some sort of male affection. Does this mean she wouldn't take it further? I dunno.

Second of all... she's a coworker. This is also bad news. Let's say she decides she is leaving her husband and wants to be free again. She wants to date. She wants to date you. What happens if things go sour? You guys work side by side and any break up issues or fighting will spill over into the work place. This could cost you your jobs. Best to leave it alone.

[the_doggoned]

this one is easy. she's married. back off and get over it. regardless of how often you guys talk and if you both have things in common, be the better person and be respectable. back off and be a good person. don't be that sneeky creep.

[Gigabitch]

You're going into dangerous territory. What you two are doing is incredibly inappropriate and should be stopped. Have some respect for her and for yourself.

[Toby_Hardwick]

I do agree people. Very well said.

I think you should no longer pursue this colleague. There are tons of complications if your relationship gets to progress from what you and your colleague is having. First, she is married. This reason should have done it for you.

But isn't plainly complicated to date a co-worker? I mean, in the long run things might get ugly, unless one of you leaves the company. If you are having some personal issues, which you will be having after the "cloud 9 days", your productivity would probably be affected. Hence, you will have a love problem and a work problem.You and your partner would also be the center of gossip. Of course, that would make the relationship way more difficult.

Check it out. Try to see if the relationship is really worth the stress.

[davidtorres]

back off dude. shes married. wth are you trying to do, ruin a family? find another girl. geez

[singh]

Mate i have the same issue but we are both married and has been going on for the last 5 years. My advise his what will be let it be.


Please give me advise on one of my post under my name singh "Dose she like me,love me,playing hard to get or a big tease????????"

[sookie6]

Mate i have the same issue but we are both married and has been going on for the last 5 years. My advise his what will be let it be.

This is the crappiest piece of advice I've ever heard...the most irresponsible one 'what will be will be'...also very coward...