forbidden love

[secrets]

hey guys..
im new to this chat, but i signed up cause i have a problem, and its been driving me crazy


i love my boyfriend, he is the first guy i have ever dated, kissed, and whatever, and he is really special to me. i never have given any other guy a chance until him because he is really a blessing..

the problem is...im european and he is asian...we dont mind it, but my parents flipped out when i told them...my dad almost had a heart attack..they are soo disappointed in me..i have been in my room crying...for days...it hurts...so i lied to my parents and told them we broke up...we didnt..i love him even more now than ever..hes honestly..just wow...

what do i dooooooo????

[Only-virgins]

Keep going out with him.

[Ellynn]

First of all....how old are you? And are you still living at home?
I take it you are......

If your still quite young and you live at home....its kinda hard to go against your parents etc. Cuz face it..they can make your life a living hell if you rebel against them. But if I was in that situation....I think I would still be with him....but secretly. I kinda think it was dumb on their part to put their foot down about it mainly becuz of his race......and knowing how you feel about him....becuz ......obviously its not gonna work to hold you back from him.. I mean if he was a bad influence....or if he beat you etc...then yeah I would agree with your parents...but that obviously isnt the case. So just keep seeing him......but keep it on the downlow.

If you are older....like 18 and beyond....honestly theres really nothing your parents can do. Your an adult...and you have the right to make your own decisions regarding who you date. They might not agree with it or accept it...but they should at least respect your decisions. Maybe in time they will come around and learn that love is more then a race....

[vashti]

I think your parents sound awful, but if you are under 18, you should listen to them. If you are over 18, move out and start supporting yourself so you can make your own decisions. Until you are truly independent, you live at their mercy.

[Lloyd95]

Stay away from those Asians! Sneaky bastards with their squinty looking eyes....

[misombra]

Stay away from those Asians! Sneaky bastards with their squinty looking eyes....

i agree.
______

[Gigabitch]

Did you tell him how your bigoted parents reacted?

[secrets]

...well...

im 19 years old...20 in july....

so anyway..im the oldest child too...oldest of three gurls..with european parents..a gurl that is fresh off the boat (ok..not fully fresh..but i did come off the boat...hahah) so yeah..

he knows how my parents are reacting..and he hates seeing me like this..i spent the weekend sobbing and crying in my room like a little gurl...

i have never had a boyfriend before...because i always held back and never let anyone in my life..i had so many restrictions..and well..honestly...i had standards that i set...and ironically enough..my boyfriend doesnt meet any of those standards but i love him anyway...honestly..every moment with him is a walk to remember..he treats me like a princess...

and i dont plan on moving out cause i would die without my family..we are really close..but this has caused problems and tension and trust issues..

im staying with him though..because i cant see tomorrow without him... *awee*

you guys are awesome...

[Buotro]

You owe your parents your life, after all they brought you into this world. If they don't want you to do something then it is your obligation to follow. It's a respect thing. That's the way I feel. Also, there are many fish in the sea. You will find someone else

[secrets]

i totally respect that outlook, but i cant let something that means to me go...i dont wanna say goodbye to someone who did absolutely nothing but love me..i dont wanna live in a "what if" atmosphere for the rest of my life...im sticking with my boyfriend...and well..im young..but if it comes around to me being 24, 25, and im with this guy *lets just sayyy*...then...they are gonna have to accept that because my parents know im a smart gurl..they raised me well...and they should know that i only do what my heart tells me....and they respect that about me..they just dont like to situation...

so yeah..

[Pears]

It is hard to be happy when two sides of the people you love hate each other. My parents are also very restrictive and I had to fight them for anything I wanted to do. If you are still dependent on your parents, I would suggest being respectful to them and do what they want to see and hear. Continue being with your boyfriend but just don't let your parents know. I think it is unfair for you to stop seeing someone you love just because your parents don't like it. Having a boyfriend is for you to decide, not your parents. Until you are independent, you should be careful about fighting with your parents. After you are able to support yourself as an adult, you can then do whatever you want. This sounds like I'm telling you to just lie to your parents. I realized from my own experience that sometimes it is better that way. Maybe they are not able to handle the truth yet. Years later, they may take it easier.

[Prodigal]

Your parents do have a lot of sway on you, because you still live at home. Because you live at home, the least you can do is live by their rules. But I do think that saying who you can and cannot go out with is going beyond their limits. If you were outside of the house and you told them that, would it matter? They can't stop you forever. Remember that it is YOUR life. Yes, your parents did give birth to you, and you owe them a lot for that. But if your parents can't be happy for you when you've found happiness (interracial dating is not harmful at all... it's not like you're taking drugs or something), then you really must question them. If they really love you, they should be happy because you found someone you love... not be mad because he isn't THEIR ideal. If you love him, I'd say **** your parents. They'll get over it later on.. especially if he's a good guy. I would suggest moving out though.. your parents can very well make your life a living hell if you keep on living with them after rebelling.

[vashti]

You know, as I think about it, I am not sure the reason they don't like this boy is that he is Asian. Are you SURE, "secrets", that this is the case? Could it be that they disapprove of a relationship based on your age? You sound VERY young, an impression which is reinforced through your spelling of the word "girl". How old are you, exactly?

[Late_vamp]

keep it on a low profile ... but you do realize that if something bad happens you cant turn to them ... meaning if he "breaks your heart " and they see you crying for days ... then they'll feel betrayed that you broke their trust and they'll like you even less than if you would have told the truth . so either you lie all the time to them even if you brake up (if you do end up with him ... marriage ... then they'll probably hate you for a while because you lied to them all this time , and then your dad might REALLY have a heart attack) ... but if you face it now it would prove your more mature and can handle some heat ... not be some baby hiding and lying all the way .

[secrets]

im 19...as i said...and the spelling of gurl...lol..its internet lingo...no worries...im a law major in university..i can spell..hahah..

but anyways..yeah...i agree a lot with you *pears*..honestly...the fact that he is a different culture is a big deal to my parents because we have been raised to marry european and there is so much pressure..and well...to answer the question about whether that is the only reason..no..i know its not..im 19..im the oldest child of all gurls...to actually be in a relationship..and dad obviously thinks im too young cause im *daddy's girl*..so yeah...that plays a role in it too..and thats something that hurt him too...so yeah...and its not like i wanna lie guys...i hate lying..its just...im trying to put myself first (for once in my life)..and worry about myself first...so yeah...im not staying with my boyfriend because i wanna lie and rebel..im staying with him because i dont see my tomorrow without him *awwee*...he's such a gem...he means something to me...and i dont wanna be forced to leave someone that has been such a blessing in my life....i do play by my parents rules...i just bend this one because life without my boyfriend is not something i could deal with..

and yes...i keep my relationship in low profile..i have to...
thanks you guys..honestly...im so glad other people can give me their advice...