Have you ever loved someone so much...

[Anomaly]

Have you ever loved someone so much, that you didn't even care if you were with them? That you just took comfort in the fact that you loved them unconditionally? That them just knowing how you feel, is enough to get you through your days? Days that seemed lonely before you met this person, but now, just your thoughts of them were enough to keep you company, enough to keep you from being lonely?

Somebody that brings out the best in you, somebody that motivates you to get out of bed and face the day? Somebody who changed your entire attitude about life, in a single, special day? Somebody who just the thought of them, makes you happy every single day? Somebody who you don't talk to on a daily basis, but it feels like they are with you, through every single moment, through every single breath that you take? Someone who has motivated you to find what you love to do, and to do it?

That is who I have met, and I will always cherish these feelings, no matter what may happen, no matter where life may take us. Since we first talked, I have not had a moment of sadness, this entire year, I smile so much when I think of her, that it actually hurts. She is my soul mate, and that's the only thing that I am sure of. All of this writing, its all thanks to her, will she accept that fact? Will she one day realize that we are meant to be together? I pray every single night that she does, I pray that she calls me, I pray for at least a hug right now, to get me through these next few months that ill be away from her. Will she come and see me, or at least call me before I leave? Only God and she knows that, all I can do is hope.

That is the love that I have found, I have not declared my love for her, I just told her how much I care about her. And I told her that us being just friends would be enough to make me happy. She may not know this yet, she is a few years younger, but I'm convinced that she is my soul mate. I know that, deep in my heart, I know it, and nothing will ever change that. Maybe its just not our time yet, maybe she still has lessons to learn on her own. I can't just come out and force her to love me back, I can't force her to leave who she's with and be with me. I can't even force her to be friends, if she doesn't want to be. All I know is that I truly and deeply love her, and I always will.

Is this love? Or is this my imagination? What can I do to win her heart? I am desperate for some answers, and I hope that somebody can help. Because I truly have no idea what to do next. I keep thinking that I'll know when the time comes, but I have been waiting for the answers to come to me, and they have not. Should I pursue her? Tell her how I really feel? Should I just completely leave her alone, and wait for her to make the next move? The problem with that is, I might have to wait forever. But the way that I feel about her, I feel as if I can wait an eternity.

[carl1222]

The only thing I am worried about in your post is the danger of one-sided love. When you say "this year" ... are you talking about a few months? or a year?

With the strength of your feelings for this girl, I can assure you there is NO WAY you will be happy with her as just a friend. So when you said "I told her that us being just friends would be enough to make me happy." you were fooling yourself. Imagine her coming to you as a friend and gushing over this guy she just met, how good he was to her, and how amazing the sex is.

You need to know where you stand with her, or you're flirting with major pain in the friendzone. I wouldn't go nearly as over the top as you did in here, but you HAVE to let her know that you have a ROMANTIC interest in her, not just a FRIENDSHIP interest.

Carl.

ps ... in answer to your original question: "Have you ever loved someone so much, that you didn't even care if you were with them? That you just took comfort in the fact that you loved them unconditionally? That them just knowing how you feel, is enough to get you through your days? Days that seemed lonely before you met this person, but now, just your thoughts of them were enough to keep you company, enough to keep you from being lonely?" ... No, see above.

[Anomaly]

Thank you so much for your input, it really gives me a lot to think about. And it's this year, 2009 has been absolutely surreal for me. Since we talked, I have been writing so much, and I haven't stopped yet, I found what I love to do. I love words and I am just realizing that, I have had so many positive things happen, so many signs pointing me in that direction. And if I start to feel sad, I just start writing, and everything goes away, all of my pain, all of my problems. I wrote this thing about it last night, ill have to post it sometime. This is a life changing year for me already and its only March, the future feels so bright, like never before, I feel so inspired.

This situation is just so unique, because we have basically known each other for most of our lives. Our families are very close, but we never got the chance to really talk, other than just "hi". She was always with somebody, and we just never got the chance to talk much.

That was until she unexpectedly showed up with her family on Christmas Day. I had not seen her for probably a year before that, but when she walked in that day, it was like a spark was lit under me. She looked more beautiful than I have ever seen her before, and it felt like instant magic. She was like an angel suddenly walking into my life, the day could not have been more perfect, it was like something out of a fairy tale. We spent that day talking about our hopes and dreams, and it was honestly the best Christmas Day of my entire life.

I think that every good relationship starts with a strong friendship. That's why I know that its true love from my side, because for the first time in my life, I care about someone, where I'm not taking myself or my own happiness into account at all. If that means listening about her boyfriends and love life and just being a friend, I am willing to be there as somebody she can always talk to and always trust. I want it to be all about her, and if she's happy being romantically involved with somebody else, I would never want to deny her that. I just want her to be happy, and that's the bottom line.

Maybe she needs more time to live her own life. Maybe one day we will be together, it must not be the time for that yet. Right now, I want her in my life, no matter if its as a best friend, or a girlfriend, or both. I just need to know that she's ok and that she's happy. That's why I think that for us, a strong friendship is perfect right now, maybe she isn't ready, maybe I'm not ready for what awaits us. People tend to complicate relationships, as I did by blurting out my feelings, knowing that she's probably seeing somebody already. But somehow, since I told her, I have not had a second of doubt that I did the right thing. Something in my heart tells me that I needed to tell her, and I miss her so much. I know that by telling her, it pushed her away, because she's with someone. But still, she just had to know how much I care about her. Everything in this universe was pushing me in that direction. I can see how my attitude pushes many people away, but that's just me and I cannot hold my feelings inside.

The longer that people spend time together, the more they learn about each others bad habits. The more chance there is of a misunderstanding, or a fight. People get sick of each other, you name it. Well, with us, everything still feels so fresh, even though we have known about each other for so long. Its such a unique story, and when we are together, it really is like magic, she can't possibly not see that. I don't think that either of us are ready for what we have. It really is so special, and I know in my heart that she sees it too. The whole situation is so crazy, I'm only divulging maybe 10% of our story, we have spent so little time together, yet there is so much to tell. I know that I love her, because she has changed me, ever since we talked, I feel like I'm glowing from the inside, its absolutely surreal! Maybe instead of being crazy in love, I'm just crazy.. But I will use this energy to write a story that will eventually sweep her off of her feet. She has brought all of this enthusiasm and creativity out of me, and I vow not to waste it. "over the top" Yes that's me, I'm always very descriptive, and I intend to use that as a way to make something of myself.

There are moments where I go back to that sadness that she hasn't called me lately. And I promised that I would never pressure her, and to call me if she has time for me. So its taking all of my strength to keep from calling her. I will keep my word to her, even if it kills me, I will not crowd somebody that I care for, ever again. She has inspired me to write, and I just start writing and all of my worries go away. And I have that warm feeling in my heart telling me that everything is going to be OK. Our story, my feelings, and events between us, are already enough to write a great story about. And if that's just the beginning, the possibilities for us are endless. I have poetry, and so much stuff to share with her, that its enough to win her heart already. She is not ready yet, so maybe the timing is just wrong. Life is all about timing, and I know that she's thinking about me, and that's all that matters right now. I have this strong feeling that we will be together one day. But right now, if she's not ready, I'm staying away. I know that this is true love, and I will be patient, so help me God, I will not pressure her. I will never hurt her, I will never make her do anything that she doesn't want to do. And if I end up being just friends, forever, I will take it, even if it tears my soul up from the inside, I won't give up on her. Anything is better that not having her in my life at all, that would be much more painful. But either way, I will use that pain as strength to move forward and fight. I will use it to create, and I have promised myself that I will never... ever... ever...... ever feel sorry for myself again. And I intend to keep that promise.

So that's where the situation stands at this point. I'm willing to sacrifice anything for her, even if that means my own happiness. There is an energy between us, and there's no denying that, we're connected and we always will be, even if its just in my thoughts. But I truly believe that I'm one of the lucky ones, and that I have met the one for me. I just have to be patient, and time will only tell.

And if anyone as any comments, criticism, please share, I love all input, its impossible to offend me, so whatever is on your mind, let it fly, please!

[Vain]

Being absolutely selfless cannot bring you the happiness you seek. Even if she leaves her current bf for you, you will be her rebound. Rebound relationships very rarely work. You are on the brink of obsession if not already there. I know what it is like to absolutely do anything for a girl, surrender yourself completely and that you would do absolutely anything just to be with her. Yes there is a slim chance it could work out man, just I hate to see you post on here in months or years down the road if it doesn't work out. I felt the exact same way; I finally got her, and then one day it was all over. No matter how good of a person you are to her the chances are slim. I wish you the best though but it truly scares me to see the path you are heading down.

[Anomaly]

Thank You for your input. I know that it comes across as being obsessive, but its not like I'm just constantly thinking about her. I have so much stuff happening in my life right now, and she stands out among everything else. I'm just trying to figure things out as I'm going, and I'm letting her live her life. I'm just going to wait and see if she responds. And if she is uncomfortable even just being friends, so be it, I guess that it wasn't meant to be, and ill move on. As long as she is happy, I will be happy for her. What I told her, came straight from my heart, and that's all that I can do. She has truly inspired me to write, and if that's the last thing that she ever offers me, it will still be the best gift of all.

I love, and will appreciate all input. I can take the truth, words do not hurt me, they just make me think, and they make me stronger, so feel free to be honest