Loving Friends?

[Blaslasaer]

Hi,

Im friends with this girl, for a long time now, at the beginning i fell for her, but then we were seperated, different countries, and my first crush went away..at least i thought so..so i met her recently, and one important information is, she has a boyfriend meanwhile. And my intentions with her are just beeing friends, im not trying to get in her pants. But we spent about 3 weeks which each other, and after about 1 week, things were getting pretty difficult..i mean i dont know how i feel, i like her very very much, and i know, that she likes me back too. At some spots i found her hella attractive, but i controlled myself, at other points she clearly wanted to have sex with me, and i do find her attractive, but call me a chicken if you want, i didnt let that happen, because i know, that i will ruin her current relationship and another probably very nice dudes life, ill make her life terrible, and on top of that its a pretty safe way to end our simply awesome friendship too. I mean, we are still living in different cities, even different countries, since i went abroad to study, im living in France now and she is living in Italy. I dont know, this 3 weeks were like heaven to me, and i suppose to her too, i was spending time with a person which really likes me and cares for me and i do too for her. But now i am pretty afraid, that i did something wrong..what if she fell in love with me..what if she doesnt tell me to spare me from guilt..what if her life is terrible now..i can just speak for myself, and i suppose i do miss her, but i cant let my studies and carreer go, and once again, we are living in different countries. We just see each other each 3 months, in the worst case each year once, we are both busy with our life. I dont want her to live in this kind of relationship..another thing to note is, that we always tell each other whats going on. We dont try to fool each other.

Do you guys think, it is ok/managable to have friendship under this cirumstances? I mean i know she will find a partner(wait, she actually has one), and i will find a partner too, and im actually fine with it. But on the other hand, im still here, writing this post, and kind of thinking about her. I dont know. How does this thing sound to you guys? Crazy? Relatable? Leave me your thoughts please..

Blaslasaer

[pcmaster]

Well, man, I have a lot to say here but first I'm glad that you didn't meet her on international dating tour. LOL just kidding. We have a lot of spam about those tours here lately.

Anyway, I think you are doing the right thing by letting this opportunity pass. First of all, I saw that you went wrong by just being friends with her from the beginning. Cause, of course, you cant be friends - she was your first crush and of course, at some point, you will like her more and want more than just being friends. But you have good morals and you should stick with them while you still have them. Less drama in your life that way. You are right about everything - her BF, relationship they have. I'm a bog believer about showing the middle finger to the whole world and just taking what you want from life, cause nobody else cares about your happiness, you cant live pleasing other people and putting your happiness second, it has to come first. But also you cant build your happiness on destroying other people lives. In this case, the girl like often girls do act like she doesn't have a BF while she is away in another country. Even if you take the chance and sleep with her, she would go back to her BF and leave you - most likey scenario.
I remember in church priest said - marriage is broken at that moment when you look at other person and crave her/him in your heart. So she is kinda already emotionally cheating, but at least you have the brain not to get involved deeper with her. This is not a high-quality girl who acts like that. What she does with you she will do to you - that the rule, meaning if she cheats on you, she will cheat on you.

Sure I can relate to trying to be just friends with girls. But man you cant control your feelings, you are just human, and that's absolutely normal. But that also means that you can't be friends with her if you like her more, that's not a friendship anymore. So answering to your question its not ok and not manageable to have a friendship. Especially when the girl likes you back. Its like she speeds it up and at some point, speed might be too big to stop so better don't even go on that ride.

So yeah I think you should stick with your principles and morals here. being friends with this girl would just slow you down on finding free girls and make you emotionally unavailable to them.
Whatever you say and she says in your interactions that wouldn't be said in front of her BF is an emotional cheating.

Whatever she says about her BF - how bad he is etc. No matter what she says she has to leave him if she wants to start a new relationship and telling she will leave him and actually leaving him is two different things. So if you want exclusive relationships then start them only with single girls. You have a good base for a relationship since you can be friends and talk openly but her BF is the reason you shouldn't even try to be friends right now.

Take care of yourself man ^_- !

[Blaslasaer]

Well, man, I have a lot to say here but first I'm glad that you didn't meet her on international dating tour. LOL just kidding. We have a lot of spam about those tours here lately.

Anyway, I think you are doing the right thing by letting this opportunity pass. First of all, I saw that you went wrong by just being friends with her from the beginning. Cause, of course, you cant be friends - she was your first crush and of course, at some point, you will like her more and want more than just being friends. But you have good morals and you should stick with them while you still have them. Less drama in your life that way. You are right about everything - her BF, relationship they have. I'm a bog believer about showing the middle finger to the whole world and just taking what you want from life, cause nobody else cares about your happiness, you cant live pleasing other people and putting your happiness second, it has to come first. But also you cant build your happiness on destroying other people lives. In this case, the girl like often girls do act like she doesn't have a BF while she is away in another country. Even if you take the chance and sleep with her, she would go back to her BF and leave you - most likey scenario.
I remember in church priest said - marriage is broken at that moment when you look at other person and crave her/him in your heart. So she is kinda already emotionally cheating, but at least you have the brain not to get involved deeper with her. This is not a high-quality girl who acts like that. What she does with you she will do to you - that the rule, meaning if she cheats on you, she will cheat on you.

Sure I can relate to trying to be just friends with girls. But man you cant control your feelings, you are just human, and that's absolutely normal. But that also means that you can't be friends with her if you like her more, that's not a friendship anymore. So answering to your question its not ok and not manageable to have a friendship. Especially when the girl likes you back. Its like she speeds it up and at some point, speed might be too big to stop so better don't even go on that ride.

So yeah I think you should stick with your principles and morals here. being friends with this girl would just slow you down on finding free girls and make you emotionally unavailable to them.
Whatever you say and she says in your interactions that wouldn't be said in front of her BF is an emotional cheating.

Whatever she says about her BF - how bad he is etc. No matter what she says she has to leave him if she wants to start a new relationship and telling she will leave him and actually leaving him is two different things. So if you want exclusive relationships then start them only with single girls. You have a good base for a relationship since you can be friends and talk openly but her BF is the reason you shouldn't even try to be friends right now.

Take care of yourself man ^_- !

Hi Man,

Thanks for your reply! You see, i already told her, that if we continue this, one of us is going to fall in love, or eventually both, and we are going to have a problem. The thing is, we both know that, but i really enjoy her company, and she enjoys mine. You see, i dont have that many friends in my life. Ofc, im in my 20s and in my prime time, of course i have a lot of friends, but you see, if i sort out those, who talk bad about me when im gone, who bring me down, all those "fake" friends, im left with..i dont know my family, (maybe) one other guy(and if you dont know for sure, i dont think thats one of my real friends, right?), and her..i dont want to let her go. Such good friends like this are insanely rare. At the same time i wish for her best. And honestly, this kind of friends are really really rare, maybe other people are lucky enough to have a few, but she is my only..you see why she is so precious to me? I help her if she is down, and so does she..i simply like her as a person and enjoy her company, and so does she..i honestly wish she was simply a man..we share so many beautful memories...but also sad ones, where one helped another..

again, i am really grateful for your answer, and i thank you for beeing brutally honest. I havent already made up my mind, i am just trying to explain my inner conflict, and why i want to stick to her, although i am risking a great Fiasko. Of course, on the one side i should let her go, but on the other side, i REALLY dont want to lose her..is ther any way or am i still dreaming?

I mean its not like im emotionally unavailable, i am already planing on other dates, i am trying to connect with new people at my place, and so on. Am i just fooling myself or does the stuff i say make sense? I cant see myself to be honest..well i suppose thats why its called fooling :p..

[pcmaster]

That is what I been thinking - you are in a more vulnerable situation here. If you don't have good friends and she is your best friend then sure it can be painful at first to let her go. Of course, you won't leave her. More likely you will continue to be friends until you both naturally become not so good friends, then it would be easy to not to love her and live without her. But you have to grow a lot to grow out of it. You both have to grow and Im sure you will.

But right now it looks like she is slowing down your progress with other girls or at least distracting you cause you think about her a lot.

[Blaslasaer]

So your advice is to simply let go?? I dont get your last post to be honest..

[pcmaster]

My advice is not telling you what to do. You do what you want. I just see where you can benefit without her and I see why you want to be friends. I weighed pros and cons and now you should decide for yourself what to do. Do what's best for you.

[Hooo!]

One thing is for sure

Friends don’t hide this from each other