What does this mean? (slightly long post)

[Shpadoinkle]

A bit of backstory: My girlfriend and I are both average college students. I'm a man. We're about equally busy. We do go to different colleges. We're nearly 300 miles away from each other now that I've transferred, and we're almost 200 at all other times of the year.

I really love her- it has always been about the fun I had with her and the way she took care of me and the way she actually appreciated the way I took care of her. For example, I often read her bedtime stories over video chat because her very conservative parents wouldn't let her read harry potter as a kid because of the witchcraft it contained. Not so long ago, we started using the "L" word and have discussed having a future once we're both out of college.


But that said, lately, it just feels like she's not been trying to meet me even a quarter of the way. She's paid me a few visits this school year, and I've gone to visit her as well. I've paid the gas for the return trip and meals every time. Even when she's not here, I keep my instant messenger always on in case she logs back on, and if asked I will sing her to sleep, and sometimes I do "special shows" for her. I make to tell her she's loved. And I always answer when she calls.

I suppose the first trouble was that when our combined anniversary and birthdays came around. I told her I wanted it to be something big. I gave her sex toys, a road bike, a printer, about a dozen presents in all, trying to show how much she meant to me. I knew she needed each item, because I've always paid attention to her. In return though, I got a slightly overripe fruit and some rice wine & mid shelf vodka. I know it's the thought that counts, but I've told her repeatedly that I am scared of one day turning into an alcoholic due to family history and didn't want alcohol. I was a little underwhelmed. I also asked her a while back for something that would last as a memento or something to remind me of what life was like as it is right now. I wanted my 21st and the first anniversary of a real relationship to matter more, somehow, than consumables that rot and spoil. I didn't share this opinion, of course, though all the alcohol she gave me is still full, and I gave some of the fruit to someone who was too sick to really go to the dining hall.



When she came up the next time, she complained about pretty much everything- She even complained about how I didn't pay attention to her! I've stopped getting any signs of affection past the ecstatic "HI!" when I log in, but then it is just so much time spent with her simply staring at her monitor, not really paying attention to the person she was chatting with. She'd make promises that "tomorrow," she'd play an online strategy game with me, or talk to me then. Repeat ad nauseum. It's been about two weeks since I last saw her in person, and she hasn't read me anything in months. She hasn't said or done anything to put me to sleep in recent memory. "tuck me in," basically means "call me and let me have the last thing I hear before I fall asleep be your voice," and all I get a quick IM text of *tucks good night I love you* like she's too lazy to actually dial me up and talk for five minutes like I do for her. As you can tell by the post time, I'm something of an insomniac. She's sparingly returned my phone calls, and she seems to rarely have time for me anymore. I know she's not cheating on me, but I'm scared that I'm no longer important to her. I want her to treat me like I've treated her.

[doppelgaenger]

Aww boo hoo you big baby. It's time to grow up. You're what? 21 years old? And you need bedtime stories? Sheesh.

[lilly1185]

Sounds like she might be bogged down with some over-affection and finally realising she's in college and not being stifled by her parents.

It might be time to let this one go now before it gets bitter. College is a social transition from high school, and can be overwhelming. She may have clung to you until she got her wings.

Sounds like you need to do the same. Focus on your studies and get involved in casual flings. And drinking once or twice isn't going to make you an alcoholic. It's a choice to drink everyday and eventually just becomes a habit you can't live without. If you make reasonable, responsible choices (you ARE 21) you won't have to let fear rule your life.

Edit; before this gets blown out of proportion, I am aware alcoholism is a disease. My BFF's mother is dealing with the same problem and is in the process of recovering. It IS a long, hard road, and difficult to see someone else go down. This doesn't stop my friend from enjoying the occasional drink just sets and example for her NOT to live by. Therapy and AA are crucial for alcoholics and family of alcoholics a like. You may also have been touched by co-dependency, as many family members of alcoholics are. Check it out and avoid getting too terribly involved with someone until you've found a therapist.

[doppelgaenger]

Alcoholism is a *disease*? Really?

Or is that like saying obesity is an epidemic?

[Shpadoinkle]

Aww boo hoo you big baby. It's time to grow up. You're what? 21 years old? And you need bedtime stories? Sheesh.

Actually, no, I read to *her.* It would be nice though if I fell asleep listening to her. Makes the distance easier.