One Night Stands - when single - the pluses and minuses involved?

[dollhouse]

I have never had a ONS before, but I am considering it since the break up and I'm single but I always felt there was a shame involved in doing such things, not sure how to get past that train of thought I am stuck with and just going for it.

I would want to pick someone I know, not some stranger pick up, would that cause more problems for me knowing them?

Any advice, experience or thoughts would be helpful.

Thank you and I posted it here so it wouldn't get lost among the bucket load of spam in other sections.

[Wakeup]

I would want to pick someone I know, not some stranger pick up, would that cause more problems for me knowing them?

Picking someone you know would NOT be a "one night stand." If you want to fk someone you know then it would logically go to say that you are attractive to them somewhat so why wouldn't you just date them and see if there is enough there to actually form a nice, strong union with one another of the long lasting kind? Plus you'll likely end up in an ongoing sex only booty call situ if you do it with someone you know and who can hoover you back for more or you hoover him back for more where in it will likely get messy emotionally when one or the other starts to mistakenly think that their lust and infatuation for the other is "love"

Chances are slim that you'd have an orgasm with someone you have zero emotional connection with or who doesn't know your body well enough to get you there. He however will likely cum and then off he goes on with his life without you in it.

Kind of empty and tawdry if you actually think about it.

I say pleasure yourself until you're ready to be in something meaningful again.

[michelle23]

I don't see the point.. some dude grunting on top of you, rolling over and forgetting your name.. it has never been appealing to me. The whole point of sex is to enjoy it.. how could anyone enjoy being used as a cum bucket?

And what is the point with someone you know? So you can get all emotionally involved while he thinks your cool with it just being sex until your not and you want more.. he doesn't.. he will then dissapear with a girl who he thinks has more self respect.. double standards exist and thats the type your going to attract

[lovebroken]

I've not had a one night stand either and if it isn't who you are don't feel forced to participate in it if others suggest it as an option to you, rather be true to you and what you believe in. I recall you saying you had chances while away on holidays to do have such experiences and you passed on it, did your Gf's try to push you into it? Do you want companionship, to be touched and kissed but not the relationship part of it because of the bad breakup and why one night stands are seen as a good thing to you?

You would have probably been better to have had a holiday fling they try to have a one night stand with someone you know of where you live because that would bring you more complications, imo.

Don't do anything you feel forced to do by others, or don't do anything that goes against your own standards is my advice, sorry if that isn't helpful, dollhouse.

[Jffs24]

This is something guys always do and never give it a second thought -- look, you are single, won't be hurting anyone if all is a one off mutual deal happening and if it aids in any break up pain, why not?

She won't be any guys "cum bucket", Michelle because she is initiating this, she is the one choosing and the one in the control position if anything he will be the cum bucket R O F L

Weigh it out, dollhouse. If any thoughts of regret before even doing it, don't bother doing it, otherwise ENJOY YOURSELF!

[breathe123]

Why is there shame involved if single & isn't something you would regularly do? You probably miss intimacy, being touched & kissed, more than just sex alone & maybe companionship too.

Do you want someone you know because you have some men already in mind who you are attracted too & are available or had interests in you before, or because picking up a stranger is several shades of no to you?

I haven't done ons's either, so I have no experience on it to share but I don't think you should feel shameful, only people who cheat & do ons's should be ashamed, in my opinion.

Were the guys on your trip with your gf's pushing for casual sex with you, this is from what you said on my valentine thread, why didn't you then, because they were strangers?

[woody]

Okay. I have some experience, not ashamed of it. I had been celibate for about 2 years at the time, I was 28ish living in a ski town. Girlfriends kept encouraging me to get laid (their word, not mine) and there was this much younger cutie flirting with me throughout the season and well, one night, I took him home.
But the next day, he wouldn't leave. Turned out the boy was younger than I thought, (omg), immediate ONS remorse, (oh dear) he also was homeless and had been sleeping on basement floor with no mattress. So I helped him out, got him a job and another place to live. Took a few months all in... NO, I didn't continue sleeping with him. He thought he loved me, I tried telling him he did not and it all became rather messy..

my point? A true ONS may be a myth. and if it isn't and you really want to experience it, tread with caution.
but I agree, if you want one, a stranger may be better than one you know.... May be less complicated but also I little more risky. Just play it safe.... Think about it first..

[alpinae]

I've had a couple of ONS, but mostly with people who I've known before or who my friends know. Most ended with zero contact, but with some I met up with again afterwards. I live in a small village so I've had to be carefull about village gossip, you're right there is a negative Image associated with ons.
I've not been in a relationship so I can't compare Ons-Sex and Sex with a guy who you've got to know, or have the time to get to know but I imagine it's quite different. You have to be prepared for that.

As everyone says, be careful, there are some dodgy guys out there and make sure you've got your emotional barriers up. Don't let any feelings get involved and make sure both parties are on the same page about it only beeing a ons.

[breathe123]

O-k yes, on what woody said try to pick carefully if a stranger, they could be a potential stalker & not want to have you go away & that is more than you need in your life.

[lovebroken]

No one mentioned this but what about the idea of a escort? They would be a stranger, they wouldn't want a relationship or bother you later on, could be a one time thing, only issue is you would have to pay them, but they could make it a romantic date from dinner to sex. Or that would be out of the question? Could go to another city to do that, not within yours.

[breathe123]

^ That's a new thought to explore.

She might be too shy or embarrassed to do that but you said to try it in a city not hers, so that could work for her ~ be good if you could look through a catalogue ( is that spelled right? is telling me it is not, LOL) of men & find one that suits you best, age, height, looks since you have to exchange money, should get exactly what you want out of it.

[dollhouse]

Thanks to each who replied, I clicked the thanks button but for added measure a worded thanks is always nice too - Wakeup, Michelle23, lovebroken, Jffs24, breathe123, woody, alpinae.

That is a lot to respond to so I will just try to answer most in some paragraphs, okay?

I haven't attempted a ONS yet, in-case curious. I am still contemplating this sexual activity.

Wakeup .. I want someone I know because what if a stranger and a serial rapist, convict, serial killer, has some horrible transmittable disease, overall creep creeper, crazy guy. I know picking a known subject might make it harder if I begin to think I have feelings for, but I honestly don't think I will associate sex and love that quickly, for a ONS. I never really enjoyed masturbating to get off in the past when not in a relationship and having sex, so that in itself never did anything for me. Break up is approaching 3 months mark this month and I want to try after it hits that mark.

Michelle23, I won't get emotionally attached, see above too, I cannot fathom that happening off a ONS, it isn't love only sex. I don't think I rate a cumbucket status considering my past behaviors of good girl faithfulness.

Lovebroken, yes on the holiday my GFs did push me and I declined and two are still pushing because they have ONS occasionally and don't see the harm. Both do this when not in relationships. Also on the topic of an escort, I don't know I would be embarrassed to death to make that call to " order " myself a callboy ( haha, escort ) but like you said if done out of town I would consider it more seriously, it is a definite option for all the reasons listed by you and breathe123.

Jffs24, I am trying to do this to enjoy my life again feel escaped from what was done to me and move on more.. I just cannot decide when and how to go about it if and when I do.

breathe123, shame is people judge you by your actions and choices even when you are single and if you've always been a so called.. " good girl ".. you begin to doubt and judge yourself too and your values and character on things like this. I know I shouldn't but there it goes. I think people in Europe are far less sexually repressed than here, definitely. I just wanted known for my own comfort level. I didn't when away because it was just too soon after my break up

woody, thank you for your story, that is a good thing to convince go known as well. But the young guy you mentioned sounds harmless other than his attachment he fostered with you. My girlfriends are pushing me too, what's good for them has to be good for me sort of thing is happening here. I'm nervous about it and they cannot understand why. What is your opinion on the escort suggestion since that would be going for a unknown, but a skilled unknown.

alpinae, would you say going for known is better over unknown since you said you yourself preferred the known men for ONS? I think ONS is only sex and being in a relationship you have sex more out of loving that other person, a deeper connection and intimacy so that is why I feel I won't grow attached quick off a ONS here or there.

Thank you each and all. Sorry if I missed answering anything was a lot to go through.

Good thing I copied my reply before hitting send because the forum logged me out apparently I took too long composing my reply.

[michelle23]

We have seen girls say they are cool with it being just sex 100 times only to want more after. If its someone you know then its unlikely to just happen once and after a few times, you may realize you do want more with him. But by then he will have written you off and not be interested.. the problem here is the guy could be interested in more until you tell him you just want sex and by the time you tell him you have changed your mind, its too late

[woody]

O.p
Your question regarding escort, originally suggested by L.B? I think that if you can afford it and they are through a reputable and safe company, hiring a pro isn't a bad idea. You know, I'm not sure but I would imagine their hopefully tested regularly (not that you'd want unprotected sex with anyone anyway) and who knows, perhaps just a lovely dinner out and a thorough back massage would be enough.
But yes, if one is lonely and really needs to have human contact (because we all do) without any added possible messy business, hiring a pro (imo) could be a way to go.
Do your research. Speak with the owner and make sure their reputable and their 'people' are safe.
hope that helps.

[Jffs24]

On what you replied back specifically to me -- I would say stop trying to make it the perfect situation, it won't ever be, relax and just let it happen, carry condoms with you in case, guys do it, why not girls too.

Not sure what you do for a living but if you find yourself out of town a lot for business that might be a good time to look up what lovebroken suggested and go off the standards woody mentioned above.