I`m so troubled

[PKory]

Hi people,

I'm new to this forum, looking for advice. I`ve been dating this girl for almost 3 years (in 1 month or so), and we`ve been living together since it has been 6 months together.
At first we had a long-distance relationship and could only see each other every 2 weeks.
We managed to keep that going until I moved over to her city.
After a while I couldn`t stand that place (it was soooo boring ) so we both moved back from where I was from.
She likes it here, says she wouldn`t ever move away.

Many things have happened, and she always sticked with me, which made me love her even more.
We invited her sister in our appartment because she wanted a place to stay for her college classes away from home.
So we let her in. About 3 months after this, she left for really weird reasons (long story with her parents too, but not relevant here).
But this made my girlfriend not talk to her parents since (since around half of September).

Now we were stuck with the too big appartment we moved into (two bedroom) paying only the both of us.

That caused a lot of stress between us having to tighten the belt to pay this larger rent. But we did it.

And the my girlfriend started her new nursing classes, 7 weeks ago. I started to see that she seems not to care about me from about that time. She took a 1 week off before school from work to "relax", but she went out clubbing every 2 days. She hadn`t saved enough money for school either, and thought she was getting much more money from her student loan. So basically I`m here paying for almost everthing. We used to share the payments for the car and insurance, now i`m all paying this. She`s still managing to pay for the rent, but I don`t know when she`ll come to me saying she can`t.
She hasn't worked since she started school saying she has to focus on her studies, but she`s been going clubbing a minimum of 2 times a week, and even 4 times in 2 of those weeks.

So I`m feeling here that she is using up all the money she can on clubbing while i`m here paying for basically HER car (because I have another car from my job, not using the one i`m paying for).

And to make it all worse, I`ve found out she has been lying to me for several things that I couldn`t understand why. Things like money-related things (she`s trying to get a loan from every frickin bank there is instead of working). She`s been out clubbing alone with a guy-friend we met just a couple months ago when we moved.

Then, she comes to me last week saying she wants to take like a 1 year break so she can be free from all she would have to do if she were with me (call me, tell me where she is, not go clubbing every often to take time with me ... ) I feel so left out. She says she still loves me but I don`t buy it anymore. So I asked her if it would be possible to still go out like she feels but still make room for me, because i`ve been sandwiched out from her friends and school.

I understand her need to do crazy things and let go (she`s going to be 20 in just 4 months). But what I don`t understand is why it has to be one or the other... me or the friends and clubbing

What's so hard about all this is that she has no one around her that can help her. She doesn 't talk to her parents, all her friends are far away to college too. So we are going to live together whatever happen until the first of july, when me move.

I don`t what to do. I feel so pointless around here. I'd feel like leaving everything and just taking 5 years alone in the woods. I don`t want to hurt like this. It's so painful to see the one I love say she loves me but doesn`t really want to share anything with me , doesn`t want to make the smallest effort anymore just to be able to do whatever she wants whenever she wants.


I`m sure I haven`t been all clear with all this, because it isn`t really to me either.

If anyone has advice or wants to help me clear things out, it would be really appreciated.

Thanks,

Kory

[smackie9]

She just realized that there is an adult life to experience...the problem is she hasn't grown up yet. The only way out is to cut your losses and break up with her. This person you love is selfishly using you like a pez dispenser to support her ass. Let her learn the hard way....on her own!

[smackie9]

I know that's a little cut and dry but just because you have an undying love for someone doesn't mean the relationship won't go bad and should end. She's lookin for a loan so she can move out and I'm pretty sure she's more than just friends with dude. Read the writing on the wall. She doesn't love you like she did, she treats you like crap, she is lies...when people lie there is more to it than you think. Like I said cut your loses, you will be better off. I think you already knew this and were just looking for confirmation.

[steviej]

Smackie hit the nail on the head. She's moved to a new city, met a new bunch of people and is letting her hair down with this new found freedom. The fact that you're paying for everything allows her to do this. Cut her lose, hard as it sounds she needs a wake up call that she can't just use you.
I honestly think though she's gone for good, and that is very hard to deal with.

[PKory]

thanks for the replies...

We've talked a whole lot and it seems to not work at all between us anymore.

We have decided to go our seperate ways. She's not willing to make any efforts anymore and I just
can`t live like this.
Yeah I guess I was trying to get some confirmation...

[steviej]

Well done, that can't have been easy. I hope you bounce back from it quickly!

[PKory]

Yeah I would love to bounce back soon too,
but we`re going to have to live in the same appartment for 3 more months
until our signed contract is done ...
I feel so better when I'm at work or elsewhere but when I stay
home I just want to hug her and that everything would come back as
before all this crap...

I can't wait for July now, it's gonna be tough

[steviej]

Damn, is there no way you can replace her with someone else?

[smackie9]

Don't go home, find a few symaphitic friends that will let you crash on their couch a few times a week. Hang out at everyone's place and only come home to eat get changed and maybe sleep.

[smackie9]

Or find a room mate and kick her out.

[PKory]

Yeah i`m trying not to be home as much as possible.
She really wants to be alone too. I hope so much that she will change her mind
it's unhealthy. I find myself trying to find evidence of her wanting me back...
At least when I`m not around I manage to forget that at moments.

And no I couldn`t kick her out. I don't want to hurt her, and her idea is
not to hurt me either. Our fights once in a while were too much and they
all added up to more then she could handle.

[smackie9]

I didn't mean that in a literal sense....I meant you could give her the opportunity to find a new place to live now and you can get a room mate to help with the rent when she leaves. She's gonna have to do it in 3 months anyways.

[PKory]

Wow! How much things have moved around here... and so little too.
I`m still wondering what is happening, what to do, how to react.
She has moved to her dad`s around 3 weeks ago and came back for 4 days which she has just left
around 8 hours ago... She doesn't know what she wants either. She says she would like to try again with
me sometimes, and even now, we are kind of coming closer and closer. In insecure lands...
We were supposed to take the day for the 2 of us today until she left around 2 pm...
I really wanted to see her and be happy but I couldn't do it. I just had to leave, I don`t know really why.
I do know I don`t want to be hurt again, and all this still does.
I`ve been to her dad`s house the other day and it all felt weird. His dad acted as though nothing happened,
and his wife too. But we didn't know what was what.
I feel like I want it all back, but the way it used to be way before she started acting differently.
But I really don`t want to hurt again. I'm so tired of being hurt even when I know it`s not intentional...
I've checked around to see if I could arrange to see a psychologist pretty soon, but I don`t have the $$ for it
right now, and don`t know if I will. I need to talk to someone that won`t judge like all my family or friends seem to
do.

I don't know why I'm writing all this here. Seems maybe it could help some way. I feel so exhausted with
all this. Can't seem to let go of emotions. I have been planning many activities with friends and family, but
I never completely stop remembering and wondering this and that. Feels awful. I don't feel support from no
one, Im so alone