Boyfriend of 51/2 years no engagement

[Forevermine25]

bf and i have been together almost 6 years, living together 3 years.
He always been on and off about marriage to "throw me off". he doesn't want me to expect it but its only since last year he been more open and stuff about marriage..instead of being negetive when family brings it up he engages in it or if im watching wedding shows he lets me watch it and he watches too

He always said at least 5 years to get engaged so i asked him a few months ago what happened to "5 years thing"..bf says "it will happen when im ready"..then two-three months ago he said something i took it wrong i thought he didn't want marriage he laughs says "if we could be engaged we would be right now, im not afraid of marrying you, i just need to save for my car stuff which be done end of summer 2014, then its all you"..so told him don't make it sound like that i want him to want marriage too or else not the same. Now he moved his car buying stuff to next year and saving for something else but won't say.

Tonight his brother said "listen to your wife"..and he like "she not my wife yet"..then his dad like "listen he said yet Ally"....im like "yeah, but we are common law" then bf says "no three years" im likeb"no its a year sorry so we are kinda married"..then bf called me his wife couple times tonight. i kinda find it weird they calling me his wife ..i know his family considers me their in law but at one point his family would not talk like that around him and my bf would try change subject.

proposal soon?

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we are both 26

[purple_roses]

I hope you get proposed to soon, Goodluck

[Forevermine25]

thank everyone

Anyone else with opinions??

[basilandthyme]

Forevermine, perhaps I'm far too old and feminist, but I would no longer stand for a guy who wants to make unilateral decisions on the future of the relationship. As far as I'm concerned, a relationship is a joint affair where both people have needs and both should be able to discuss their wants and needs and make joint decisions about them. Marriage included.

At any rate, I would not be holding my breath for a proposal.

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Hmmm - I just looked at your history and found that I gave pretty much the same advice to you many months ago.

He's not going to change. If you want marriage, propose to him and see what he says. If he won't set a date (even a date 3 years hence), walk away.

[fearoflove]

5 and half years and he is still vague about marriage? This guy doesn't sound like he thinks you are the one. It has been so long so even his family assumes you are his wife (but by only nickname, not legally). He rather be saving money up for a car and something else than for marriage? Doesn't sound like getting married is his priority. I say you should start misbehaving...a little bit. Start going out with your girlfriends more, maybe make a guy friend you hang out with at the gym and act casual about it. If he asks you about it, just act like its not a big deal. He already knows you want him to put a ring on it so you don't have to repeat yourself. Just act more independent and start mentioning future plans without him in it. If after all that, he doesn't step up, he is pretty hopeless.

[bulrush]

proposal soon?

I don't know, but it sounds like he feels really pressured to get you an expensive ring. And that could take a LONG time to save up for. If you really wanted him for a husband, instead of a ring and a party, you should tell him that...many times over the next weeks.

When a girl focuses too much on the ring, and a one day party, I know she really doesn't want me. She just wants a party. And to be the center of the universe for one day.

Words are cheap. Show him by your ACTIONS that you want him for a husband more than a ring.

[michelle23]

How old are you both? Are your careers sorted? Hows your financial situation? Hows both your savings? Engagement rings and weddings are not cheap. Id rather save for a house first and then start saving for a wedding but thats me.. i dont want to be married, broke and paying off debts for ten years

[katyk]

An engagement is just actually ...a promise to marry sometime in the future! You don't need a ring or a party, just an understanding! Sounds like your guy is commitment phobic? IF marriage is what you desire and he refuses then you have a choice accept or run! Incidentally, my brother has been with his partner for near enough 20 years and she keeps planning weddings that never materialise! I've told her years ago to dump him ...but she doesn't so....unless you want to accept you may never get down that aisle or even to a registry office, give him an ultimatum! If you are frightened of the consequences of that then you give him the upper hand and so it goes on..... The only thing you can do in a relationship is be HONEST. You can't force someone to think or act like you and if that person is not conducive to your way of thinking...time to assess if they are Mr Right.

[michelle23]

A lot of it depends where your from. When i was in new york, people were shocked that im not married after 6 years. A lot of people in the US get married within a year which is insane to me.

I know tons of couples who are together since 18, 19 but don'g marry until their 30's. Its normal where i am from. Most people don't have their career etc sorted until then..

I wouldn't assume hes not committed. You live together for 3 years. You have a good relationship with his family. He speaks of you with love, loyalty and passion and has said he wants to marry you but maybe hes not ready financially.

Have you not discussed all the reasons why your not engaged yet. You should be able to speak openly about this to each other and agree on whats best for your future. Talk to him