He's confused & its getting me confused!

[Fa1987]

Hey Guys,

So I'm in a weird situation , I've been dating my boyfriend from a little over a year now. We're extremely compatible and love each other alot. So the confusing situation here is that I'm at an age (27) where my parents require me to get married & I truly believe I will be happy with him while he's 30 - always lived away from home ( no family pressure / extremely independent) , never been in a serious relationship cause of which he never thought of getting married. He also believes marriages don't last cause his parents seem to be unhappy while my thought on marriage are completely different.

He's asked for time to wait & think it out but every time we speak about it we both are on a very different page & the conversation doesn't seem to go in one direction at all. I really don't know what to do? How to convince someone who has these fears. I feel extremely bad for putting him into this kind of pressure though he has been extremely sweet & patient about the whole thing.

I'm not sure if I should wait it out & get my heart broken or simply just be patient & continue hoping. I really don't know how to make him believe that will not be as bad as he imagines it to be.

Please advice!

[yomamg]

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[milk]

I'd say wait a few years and if you're still together it sounds like he might not be too opposed to the idea. I think it's too soon for you to get married after just 1 year together, and especially because he probably wasn't expecting to have to think about it anytime soon. Don't ask him to or expect him to marry you now. Actually, in all fairness if you want to get married now I think you have some serious re-thinking to do.

You can either wait until the one you love is slightly more open to the idea (at least 1-2 years from now) or you can leave him and find a new partner who is more happy to marry quickly (which will probably take just as long, and hurt a lot more!). So as you can see it's a waste of time to push him... and if he isn't totally prepared to commit like that then you probably will get divorced eventually. You need both parties to be comfortable with it.

So sit back, tell him you can wait for him to make up his mind and you just want to enjoy being together for now. Tell him it's something that you want eventually but that it is more of a long term goal to find a husband within the next few years, so as long as you two are happy right now and he isn't running for the hills, just relax and let the relationship grow.

[Fa1987]

Thanks Milk , appreciate your reply .

The thing is that I've been in two long relations before this , one lasted 3 years & the other one was 5 years .. I honestly don't think I can jump from one relationship to another without not knowing where it is heading. Here, I'm ok to wait for the relationship to take its course but an assurance of it atleast leading towards that direction would be less stressful.

If I may ask , would you be able to tell me what do guys really need as an assurance for them to want to get married? I would love to purely understand the mindset to make my relationship work.