Married and falling for a married friend

[Esban]

Hi,

Am new here. I have never talked about this with anyone, as you know how sensitive this whole situation is. i wonder if there are others out there in my shoes. I have a close married guy friend, we met in class 10 months ago and have became close almost instantly. We sit next to each other everyday in class. We have a lot in common and always have somethng to talk about. I think I'm falling in love with him. Anyone identify with me??

[Gigabitch]

I haven't been in your situation, but I was married for 7 years to a man I wasn't entirely happy with, so I know where you're coming from. I know where you're going, too. Straight to hell, and I don't mean that in an evangelical, Bible-thumping way. I mean that you're on the slippery slope to a very bad place. DON'T cheat on your husband. It won't end well, and nobody will support you- you'll be a Fallen Woman.

This is, of course, assuming you are a woman. Your screen name isn't much help, and I notice that you don't actually say.....

If you're a guy, I guess it really doesn't change what I have to say. Nobody likes a cheater.

[vashti]

I've seen this situation played out by a few friends. It never leads to a good place. Enjoy your crush, but realize that there is a line that should not be crossed.

Besides, a large amount of your attraction is probably based on the fact that he is new, unlike your spouse. It is hard to compete with something shiny and new. When his newness wears off and he starts acting like a regular guy, your attraction will no doubt diminish.

[King Zarathu]

Bad. Baaaaaaaaaaaaad. Very bad. Whatever vashti said, I second it. Although, I wouldn't exactly "enjoy" the crush because you don't know how far your lack of self-control will take you. I suggest trying to eliminate it with what little control you have over yourself now.

[Esban]

Thanks guys for the messages. Gigabitch, yes am a woman. I agree with all of you that cheating will only lead to disaster!! I'm trying to have as much self control as I can in the prevailing situation. Good enough the course ends in september, i know I just have to keep away from this guy!! I believe in the sanctity of marriage and I was in shock to realise that I was feeling these kind of feelings for a man other than my husband, who is also a husband himself.

[vashti]

Well, it's only surprising the first time. If you are married long enough, these crushes pop up unexpectedly from time to time (something your mother probably never told you). Once you have decided your boundaries, you can enjoy it a little. Just don't put yourself in a position to compromise your values or hurt your husband.

[Gigabitch]

Yup- I agree. As long as you understand that a crush does not necessarily have to result in infidelity- you can really enjoy yourself. Having a big crush is more fun than fooling around, anyway, IMO.

[lovethingy]

there is no love in there ... try to seat beside another classmate and talk about somthing , if you feel somethng again like what you call love , then dont go back to that school or dont seat at all just stand up and dont talk to people , get real you are married already .. take care of your attitude before it takes care of you

[ThatFire1908]

Well seeing as it's November, and her class was over in September, I'm thinking that she wont have to worry about sitting next to him everday in class. And I hope she was able to stay the course without crossing the line.