working in the adult industry

[Gym-Rat]

My boyfriend and I met on the set of an adult movie, we were both "porn stars". When we started dating, we both stated that we didn't want a serious relationship, but as life would have it, we both fell in love. As he started having "true" feelings for me, he couldn't stand the fact that I was doing scenes with other men. After discussing this, he offered to help me with my bills if I stopped working with other men. So, that's what I did, because I didn't want to make him feel bad. I went on to find a "regular" job that I enjoy. I never was ok with the fact that he thinks it's o.k. for him to still work in the industry, but not ok for me to. Anyway, as time has passed, (we've been going out for about a yr. and a 4 months) just the thought of him going to work and having sex with all these other girls is realling bothering me. Use to, I could just put it off in the back of my mind and just go on with my life, but lately it's all I think about and I cry about every other day. He makes good money, but has been using most of it for full support of his son which his ex has custody of in another state. They've been seperated for 5 yrs. now and she hadn't even had a job until 2 months ago when she had to get one because he'd been paying for 2 mortages while in the process of buying her and his son a different house. She does a great job at making him feel bad for not being there for his son so he pays for everything. He wants to stay in porn until he can buy a house for us and a couple of "toys" i.e. motorcycle/waverunners, etc. The problem with that is that he has so many bills that I don't ever see that happening. He knows that I get upset, but we don't really have many options. I would love some suggestions, but mainly I just needed to get this off my chest. Leaving him is not an option, he's a truely giving man that I adore, other than this one issue, everything is great and I respect everything he does for his son. I feel dissapointed that when I found out how much me working with other men bothered him, I quit doing it out of respect for him and he's not willing to do the same, (I've never straight out asked him to, but he's never offered), but he has his son to worry about too. I had no other obligations except for myself. He says we just have to wait a little bit. I'm sorry, but I don't see it ending anytime soon. I just don't know what to do. Thanks for listening.

[shh!]

I think it is best to accept a man "as is". If you don't like the way he is running his life, then it is best to move on because he is not likely to change.


For the record, I think it is good he is being responsible for his son, although the way he chooses to do that is uhhhh.... ::yuck::.

[King Zarathu]

When you're filming a scene, do you have any emotions for the man you're doing it with? Probably not! Does the man have any emotions for you? Probably not!

If you know he has no emotions for the female model, what is it REALLY that bothers you about him making the scenes? This isn't to say I wouldn't hate it had I been in your shoes, because I really would, but what exactly is it that's bothering you?

[XPixiedustX]

Just out of curiosity, how much does it pay to be a "porn star". I ask because if it's not a hugee amount of money, he might want to consider getting another job, with wich he can both support hhis son and you, without making you uncomfortable. Personally i also think you shoudl tell him exactly how you feel, just so he knows, maybe he doesn't want to do it either...but since you never said anything directly he doesn't stop. It's always good to let people know.

[King Zarathu]

In my opinion, he shouldn't have to support you. This will lead you to depend on him, financially as well as emotionally. It's a bear trap.

[Gym-Rat]

I wish I really knew what exactly was bothering me. I never worked with anyone that I wasn't attracted to in some way. Sex can just be sex, but also remember, this is how we met. We worked together and there was this connection. I'm friends with a director he works for alot and when we first started dating, he booked him with this newer girl that he'd worked with several times and the director was talking about what great chemistry they had together. It bothered me. My boyfriend is very professional and says that he doesn't really care who he works with as long as they are "clean", we have to get tested for STD's. As far as the male talent goes they average about $500-600 per scene. My guy has done 3 scenes in one day. He usually does about 8 scenes per week. He knows that I'm crying alot and he asks what's wrong. I just told him yesterday that I'll be happy when we don't have anything to do with porn. We are good at being honest with each other and I can tell that he hurts when I bring it up so I try to spare him and not bring it up very often. As far as him supporting me, when I gave up porn to make him feel better, I took a huge cut in pay. For a couple of months, I didn't have a job at all, but it was the first time that I relied on someone else to support me since I lived with my parents as a kid. I did not like that, so I got a job doing something that I love, but only pays $1,8000 a month. So, I barely have "extra" money (if there is such a thing). Living in L.A. isn't cheap either. But he does pay for 3/4ths of the rent (we live together), all of our food, and anything extra like movies/trips. I pay my own school loans, truck, cell, hospital (I had an accident and didn't have insurance, not good), and utilities. I'm not a materialistic girl and would rather move close to his son and work "usual" jobs and have less "stuff". I think I'd be better for his son too. We went to counciling once to discuss issues, but spent most of our time talking about his ex manipulating him for money. Definitely time to go again. I'm definitely stuck. Thanks

[King Zarathu]

This might sound like an extremely stupid suggestion, but you could do what the couple at iDeepThroat.com do. They're a married couple and they host their own porn site and keep updating. According to interviews I've heard of them, they make excellent money with the site and they can still love each other. The problem is that they're going to have kids, and it could be hard for the children.

Best of luck to you, keep us updated.