Is there any hope for me? 31 and love nowhere in sight.

[NLCtech]

Hi all. I just found this forum and thought it would be a good place to ask for some advice.

I apologize that this post is so long, but I just need to vent.

I am a 31 year old male, and for some reason, I just have had no luck in finding a relationship at all. In my 31 years of life, I have not once ever been in any kind of relationship with anyone, with the exception of a girl I dated 9 years ago, which after a month, I decided was not going to work out.

I just do not understand what I am doing wrong. I have tried everything from online dating services, to even spending over $900 to join a local dating service, which got me nowhere at all. It just seems like the girls that I am interested in are either taken, have no interest in me, or turn out to be people that I don’t even want to be associated with, let alone date. I have gotten a few dates from the online dating services, but it seems like after the first date, they want nothing to do with me.

Honestly, I am a home body much of the time. People often tell me that I need to get out and meet people to increase my potential of meeting someone. The question is, WHERE do you go? I learned long ago that the type of person that I want to meet is not in a bar. But where else are you supposed to go?

Even though I am very much a home body, it’s not like I NEVER leave the house. So you would think I would meet somebody just running my normal course of life. Why can’t I meet someone, in, say a checkout line, or someone I happen to bump into in the isle of a store? Or a customer at work? Or someone I happen to meet while getting lunch at a restaurant? Or a cashier at one of the many gas stations I go in, home depot, or any of the stores I go in frequently? I am a member of weight watchers, and I go in every single week for the meetings. Guess what? No singles there either.

I do DJ work on the side for fun, so I do get out of the house to do that. But even doing that, I have found that there really is no potential to meet someone, because people that come to dances or other events, are always with someone.

I have even gone so far as to look for old friends on myspace that I went to school with, played with as a kid, and even kids I knew growing up many years ago that were kids of family friends of my parents, hoping SOMEONE out there might still be single, that I could re connect with. Every single one of them is either married, involved in a relationship, or wants nothing to do with me all together.

Even my cousins, who are all years younger than me, are all involved in serious relationships. One is even married, and has a 2 year old daughter. Even the kid I grew up with on my street, who is 5 or 6 years younger than me, is married with a kid.

I just don’t understand why everyone else I know or am related to is either seriously involved or married, while I have just been put up on the shelf.

Ever since I was a little kid, I have wanted nothing more than to find a companion, get married, and have my own family. But while everyone else is off meeting people and progressing in their relationships, Here sits me, with love nowhere in sight.

When I graduated high school 13 years ago, my plan was to move to where my sisters are, which happens to be over 1500 miles away. Not only did I want to do this to get closer to them, and maybe bond better, but I also wanted to be closer to THEIR kids and be a part of their life. Part of the reason in doing this, was because I thought that I would eventually meet someone and have my family, and they would be around the same age as their cousins, and be able to live close by and grow up together. Well, when I eventually did get to move here 9 years ago, the oldest of my sister’s kids was 9 years old, and the youngest was not even born yet. Now, the oldest is going to be 19, and the youngest is 9. So, even if I were to have kids at this point, their cousins are going to be so much older than them, the oldest ones old enough that they have moved out of the house and living far away most likely. And here is another sad fact: When I moved here in 1999, my sister had a family friend that had 2 boys, 7 and 9. Guess what? Those boys are now out of high school, and one is married, and the other one is engaged. Pretty sad that someone you met when they were 9 years old and you were 21, that can find someone and get married before you even turn 30.

Had I known that I was not going to meet someone by now, honestly, I would have never even moved. I don’t even like it here. I didn’t even think I would like it here before I moved, but I though by having a family and being close to my siblings would be worth the sacrifices. I gave up a good life to move here, little did I know, I’d get nothing for it.

Another thing that gets to me, is that I have decided (many years ago) that I wanted to stay a virgin until the day I met someone and got serious with them. I never was the type that wanted to just go out and “get laid.” Many people back in the day made fun of me for that, and tried to hook me up, and I just told them, that that is not who I am.

Had I known that I would still be a virgin at 31 years old, in all honesty I probably would have gone out and “gotten laid.” Who else out there is 31 years old and has never even gotten to have sex?

I guarantee at this age, I am not going to meet anyone that is going to appreciate it. I take a lot of pride in it, but the chances of me finding someone my age who is still a virgin are pretty darn slim. I should have just gone out and hooked up when I was younger just like everybody else.

The sad thing is, that I have a lot of qualities that many women DREAM. I don’t like porn, I don’t go out partying or stay out being stupid all night, I’m not into drugs, and I would never treat a girl like crap.

I see the way so many guys treat their wives, and wonder how if someone like that can get involved with someone, why can’t I?

Am I just not meant to ever have a companion? And if so, why was I put here in this world? It’s just not right. Who wants to live life alone? Maybe SOMEBODY out there does, but it sure isn’t me.

[candle23]

what's your profession? what do you look like?

[Asip4u]

I can relate to you on many levels and i can tell you that you are focusing way too much on having a g/f. One thing i've learned is that if you try too hard women can see that and because it seems like a desperation move they move on fast . Relax and don't think about having a g/f, having a wife, having sex..none of that. I know it's easier said then done but if you can just go out and start meeting different girls and seeing what qualities you like, you will learn that SHE will give you the green light to pursue her further. All you gotta do is show your fun side...and I know you have something to offer...everyone does...whatever it is...use it and you'll see a big difference. Be active quite a bit and go meet girls...Take a course, go to a coffee shop, library, museum..there are so many different ways to meet people. I don't think u should do online dating simply because even from the beginning it's important to have face to face discussion. You can see instant chemistry (or not) and that way you can either progress slowly or move on to another girl. Keep us posted..Best of luck!