"Single" for 6 Months, would I be cheating?

[losinglove?]

Hi,

Allow me to introduce myself. Im a 29 year old male engaged to a wonderful 30 year old women. Mainly we have a fantastic relationship. The last few months we have had our troubles and wobbles but have tried to stay strong.

Things haven't been exactly brilliant the last few weeks though. With her work she was due to go over seas to work for 4-6 weeks. I suggested we split up for this duration. Not a "break" but split up. This time would help us (myself more importantly) put perspective on our relationship before we do step down the aisle. We split up With the view that we would get back together when she comes home.

Now here is my problem. I love her and have never or would I ever cheat. But I am dying to quite simply have a fling. I feel as though I need to get it out of my system and realise how silly I would be to let such a good thing slip through my fingers.

The problem I'm having is this, I love her and even though we both agreed to split I feel at times as though I would be cheating. And I don't want to do that. I know guys would suggest and do it anyway and she wouldnt need to know, but I don't know if I could deal with the guilt. If she comes home and asks me was I with anybody I would find it very hard to look at her and tell her a lie. What if I feel so guilty I have to come clean and tell her. It would break her heart.

The other part of me, is telling me to do it. After all I am single, even if it is only for 6 weeks. Make the most of my freedom, gain a new perspective on our relationship get back together and leave the past behind us and move on.

I don't want to be a cheat as I hate them. I know I'm single but I still feel as though I would be cheating. Would I be able to cope with the guilt and telling her lies if she asks.

But I also want to have fun while I am single!!

Sorry if I have you confused, but I actually have myself confused. This is the constant battle im having with myself. Im looking for peoples (male & females) views, opinions and input please.

Thanks for reading and sorry for the confusion.

[Cerby]

You're "Split up"? Sounds like a healthy relationship you have there. Generally, if you have to ask "Am I cheating if. . ." the answer is usually yes. You're not truly single if you're planning on getting back together with her when she gets back, so you're not really anything. Its just a weak idea altogether.

So are you cheating? Who knows, this is a unique situation. What happens if she comes back and slept with a bunch of people, would you be upset? If yes, then you sleeping with someone else will probably do the same to her.

[bulrush]

If you are "split up" or you "break up", you are still seeing other people. If you feel guilty, tell her you want to see other people, and leave it at that. She might never want to see you again, but at least you were honest. Don't have a "secret fling", just be honest about it.

You should be really careful and really think about seeing other people. Are you sure you're ready to settle down with just one person? Does she really have the potential to explore new things with you? Is she an explorer? Does she like adventure in the bedroom? Because it sounds like you are just beginning to explore new part of your personality, and sexuality. What I'm getting at is, I think you might need a girl who is ok with an open relationship and you need to figure this out before you get married.

[Kaius]

Would it be okay with you if she had a quick fling? What's the point of a temporary split up anyway?
If you feel conflicted, you should book yourself a nice reputable escort, pay her $300, and have wonderful sex and get this whole guilt thing out of your system.
By the way, paying for sex is NOT cheating. It's a service in exchange for money, so it's business.

[MaidenMinx]

Oh pfffft Kaius. If you are in a relationship and you stick your dick in anyone else without your woman knowing about it, it's cheating.

[Cerby]

By the way, paying for sex is NOT cheating. It's a service in exchange for money, so it's business.

Thats the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

[oneandonly]

Hi,

.... We split up With the view that we would get back together when she comes home....

But but what's the point of this? Perhaps I am being naive but I don't think anyone who is in a GOOD relationship and loves his partner will ever entertain the thought of a fling just to get it out of his system! That doesn't really make sense.

Split up cos she's away for 6 weeks? Really?

Pleeeeese be honest. You are not in love with her. If you are, you wouldn't think the time on your own as 'freedom'. Again, if you are in a GOOD relationship with the right person, you wouldn't feel your freedom was violated so much so you would feel 'freeeeee' whilst she's away for 6 weeks!

[MerryH]

By the way, paying for sex is NOT cheating. It's a service in exchange for money, so it's business.

Jesus Christ, Kaius. Still as retarded as ever.


OP, come clean with us. You initiated this "not a 'break' but split up" because you had every intention of sleeping with someone else. You posted this hoping that people would tell you it's okay, right? Right?

So, did you have someone in mind already?

[HeartIsAching]

Jesus Christ, Kaius. Still as retarded as ever.


OP, come clean with us. You initiated this "not a 'break' but split up" because you had every intention of sleeping with someone else. You posted this hoping that people would tell you it's okay, right? Right?

So, did you have someone in mind already?

Yup, that was my take on it, too.

[Wakeup]

I suggested we split up for this duration. Not a "break" but split up. This time would help us (myself more importantly) put perspective on our relationship before we do step down the aisle. We split up With the view that we would get back together when she comes home.

.... You don't say how she reacted to this suggestion. What was her response?

Any women who is past puberty would certainly see what you're saying between the lines here. Its more than obvious ~ So did she agree readily or, did she cry? If she was easy to convince... then I'm thinking she's going to be having quite a fling or two of her own while she's away. Hopefully she doesn't fall for one of her flings (you now how us woman think sex is love and all). You best hope she doesn't find someone who gets her off easier than you can too or, if she's the type... makes more money than you.

nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

[Marioneta]

You don't deserve her if she trusts on your love. What if you're "split up" or it's written on a contract whatever. If you're in love then you don't go about searching for flings with other people.
I had a "fling to become relationship" once. I was madly in love with the guy but we never said that it was serious at the time, we just had sex. So, he had flings with other girls. I was hurt by him, I dumped him and all of a sudden he wanted a serious relationship while I had changed my mind and didn't want. We had long discussions about why I lost respect for him and his feelings about me. His arguments: "No, I didn't have you as a sex toy" and "Believe me, I had feelings for you!" and "But why are you mad for me seeing other girls? We never said we had something serious". Well guess what. When I AM madly in love with someone, I'm just not interested in having flings with other people. So, what that said about him is that he didn't really give a sh*t about me. So I dumped him. I hope your fiancé does the same to you and dumps you, because you're thoughts are showing that you're not that much in to her. Let this woman find someone that has eyes only for her. Idiot.

[Wakeup]

You don't deserve her if she trusts on your love. What if you're "split up" or it's written on a contract whatever. If you're in love then you don't go about searching for flings with other people.
I had a "fling to become relationship" once. I was madly in love with the guy but we never said that it was serious at the time, we just had sex. So, he had flings with other girls. I was hurt by him, I dumped him and all of a sudden he wanted a serious relationship while I had changed my mind and didn't want. We had long discussions about why I lost respect for him and his feelings about me. His arguments: "No, I didn't have you as a sex toy" and "Believe me, I had feelings for you!" and "But why are you mad for me seeing other girls? We never said we had something serious". Well guess what. When I AM madly in love with someone, I'm just not interested in having flings with other people. So, what that said about him is that he didn't really give a sh*t about me. So I dumped him. I hope your fiancé does the same to you and dumps you, because you're thoughts are showing that you're not that much in to her. Let this woman find someone that has eyes only for her. Idiot.

I hope you learned to communicate your feelings and desires and to discuss them with whom you're having these feelings and desires BEFORE you break up with them. Seems you two were feeling the same thing and neither of you bothered to voice these thoughts and emotions to one another. If you do discuss and he's not on the same page as you ~ then by all means give him the boot then.

[Marioneta]

I hope you learned to communicate your feelings and desires and to discuss them with whom you're having these feelings and desires BEFORE you break up with them. Seems you two were feeling the same thing and neither of you bothered to voice these thoughts and emotions to one another. If you do discuss and he's not on the same page as you ~ then by all means give him the boot then.

Yes that was our conclusion, and my problem in general. I'm not that easy on expressing myself to others when it comes to these feelings. Maybe I've had too many bad experiences with guys and I'm too cautious taking it easy. I'm together with a guy now that put up with this difficulty I have in the beginning of our relationship, I was so afraid express myself and I just had too many thoughts in my mind getting into conclusions without discussing with him. Bad! So I', greatful that he didn't get tired of my inert behaviour. But I learn from all of these now!
But I'm in general so fed up with the guys that talk the talk but in reality they are just players, just like the TS.

[AnnonymousMan]

Sorry to tell you this but your not single. The title may have changed but the feelings you both share never changed. Changing and switching whatever you two title eachother doesn't change anything. This is why the guilt will kill you and in a strange sense it is still cheating. There is obviously two choices here. Cheat, or don't. Think about if she 'cheated' on you and lied to your face? Yeah you can be a sneaky bastard and get away with it but would you want her to do the same thing? Also if you don't cheat, then hey, your concious remains clean and you don't have any guilt.

[devonbrown]

I agree with MerryH and HeartIsAching that you set this whole thing up to try to get something you want. Namely, you want to sleep with other people. So you created this "split up" as a justification for your actions.

I doubt anyone is going to tell you to go ahead and cheat on your fiance (because that is exactly what you would be doing), except maybe for Kaius.

And it sounds like you already have your mind made up, so enjoy the negative consequences of your actions.